Winter...

A few years ago I made a pact with myself that I was going to start enjoying winter.  I'm a firm believer in "you're whining - can you change it?  if yes - change it.  if no - stop whining." :)  I went with a combo of both actions... because you can't change winter.  All us crazy assholes decided to live here year round, for some reason, so what's the point raging against the inevitable 5 months of winter we're guaranteed each year?  I'm not saying I've got this practice down perfectly.  I have a "winter dogwalk countdown" going in my head almost every day (~45 winter dogwalks remaining - this is down from triple digits.. alllright!).  I HATE the disgusting burny salt all over the sidewalks.  I miss flip flops.  BUUUUUT. I know can change how I feel about it if I try..there is a lot to love out there!  I'm going to aim for a yoga-worthy balance with this entry and go point for point about what's sucked about this winter so far, coupled with what's been great.  Be warned, I'm an eerily good mood from an excess of endorphins from walking 8 km home from work in the sunshine today (not by choice.. we are down to one car this week as Bunny undergoes suspension surgery).  If you're having a dark day I promise the sun will come out tomorrow (actually it looks like it's going to be cloudy and snowy tomorrow.. but I promise the sun will come out.. on Thursday...).

THE BAD: SAD.  As in Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I have this.  You probably do too.  Read the Mayo clinic's symptom list for an ah-ha moment about why you've been feeling so crummy lately (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20021047).  Honestly, there was a point this winter where I had feelings from the 'major depression' list - loss of interest, hopelessness.. the trouble with sleeping even continues today.  But mostly I'm just a listless, carb-craving couch slug!  Sometimes when the sun is out I just turn my face up to it like a sunflower trying to drink in the weak rays and remind my body there is a light at the end of this winter tunnel!  To anyone else wondering why they've been pounding down the cookies (in my case graham crackers and marshmallows in the form of microwave smores.. oh man.. gotta stop this..) and laying in bed ordering themselves to get out of it with no hope in the morning.. you are not alone.  The good news: there are longer days a'comin'.  Just another month until Daylight Savings Time!

THE GOOD: Winter dogwalks (when I'm not doing the endless loop of death around our neighbourhood -  don't tell Bailey, but most days I just want to get these walks OVER with!). Memorable walks have included all the times I've strapped on my snowshoes and headed out into nature (even if nature is just the conservation trails in my neighbourhood!).  Bailey seems to love bounding around in the deep snow like a rodeo horse, which is always entertaining for me to watch :)  Yesterday in the late afternoon we took advantage of the "snow day" and headed out into the sunshine to break new trail in snow up to his armpits and my knees.  What a workout!!

My trusty sidekick Bailey is just up ahead - this is us snowshoeing the Minesing Wetlands (THE BAD: putting your foot through the ice and getting it stuck in the muck below the icy water! agggg!  THE GOOD: those are 20 Great Blue Heron nests in a place impossible to reach in the spring/summer/fall :))

Bailey is such a trooper - he's not tall, but he's hardy and broke trail yesterday afternoon for us in Eastview Park!

Well, ya can't complain about this view!  Laura Baily Memorial Trail between Eastview and Grange.

THE BAD: Everything being cancelled due to snow!!!  My Superbowl party included.  Not that Jeff and I had a problem eating the entire two racks of ribs in 2 days, but ribs are so much sweeter when shared with friends!  Already looking forward to Superbowl 2016!  Also, I've had a standing invite for some local ladies to join me for The Bachelor every Monday for weeks which has been a problematic weather day for at least the last 2 weeks! Either that or they're too nice to tell me my Bachelor addiction has gotten OUT OF CONTROL! ;)

THE GOOD: The chance to be at home.  I can't hate winter too much, or wish it away too quickly, because when spring and summer come I will have to take off for multiple long trips to the field which will leave me sorely missing home - the quiet solitude (not that I don't enjoy yammering with my interns nonstop for a week, I do, but quiet is really underrated!), being with Jeff and Bailey, my own bed and pillows, my bathtub - there are so many little wonders I miss all summer long which are mine all winter long, and for that I'm grateful.  Plus time.. just having time.. to be... very nice indeed.

I took this at the end of my adventure walking home today to show my assistant I made it home safely.  Never been so happy about HOME!

THE BAD: The dreaded winter cold/flu.  I've had 2 in January alone and I'm SO over them.  The last one sapped me for NINE DAYS (I was monitoring it closely!).  Being robbed of the ability to work out.. walk up and down stairs without getting winded.. last the day without taking a nap... even just the ability to tidy my house a little (the dog fur is in tumbleweeds) - so incredibly frustrating.  The feeling of being TRAPPED on my beloved couch is not one I enjoy!!  Man am I happy that last cold passed and I'll be back to walking in a wide arc around sick people and washing my hands every time I see a tap!  Sadly I'm finding a direct correlation between drinking and getting sick, so I might have to clean up my act.. for the next little while at least.  3 colds/flus in 5 months is far too many!  To health!!!

THE GOOD: Skiing!  I can't wait for my first XC ski!  The conditions weren't right until YESTERDAY and since I was snowshoeing yesterday and hoofing it home from work today, I haven't yet had the opportunity, but know I will be taking it as soon as I get it.  I love the swish swish sound of skis cutting through the snow, and the fun of zipping down a wee hill, and even laughing at falling over.  Skiing through snowy trees around Guelph Lake is pretty spectacular.  This was the original activity I decided to take up in my bid not to hate winter, and I'd encourage anyone else to try it, anytime!

Skiing in Carden Alvar in 2014

THE BAD: The dark.  The ominous, looming, ever-present darkness.  I'm lucky to work in town so I at least get to see the sunrise on my morning dogwalk and it's light when I leave the building at 4:30.  Poor Jeff, at parts of winter he literally never goes outside when it's light out.  He hates winter a lot more than me.  Point taken.  There is such an important interaction between light and mood - I've never felt it as much as I did this year.  Daylight savings countdown, keep it in mind!!!

THE GOOD: The hilarity that was mid-December weather.  On Boxing Day in Niagara-on-the-Lake it was 12C and sunny.  Jeff and I took Bailey for the longest walk EVER just to soak up the rays of what felt like a spring day! Jeff of course wore a t-shirt.  I walked Bailey in my hiking boots and shoes for most of the month which was awesome!  Though the point of this entry was trying to find GOOD things about winter.. a GOOD thing about winter is when it forgets to really show up at all! ;)

THE GOOD: Snowy owls.  I recently went on a mission to find one, and got lucky enough to see FIVE!  They are currently experiencing a population fluctuation known as an irruption, which drove huge numbers of them south this winter.  This might never happen again in our lifetime so I'm pretty excited I got to see 5 in one day.  0 before.. 0 after.. but that 5-Snowy day will live in my heart forever!!

Snowy Wink

Enjoy the rest of it.. spring is just around the corner! :)

The Turn of the Year

It's time again for the annual reflection on life over the past year.  For me, 2014 was a pretty good year.  For a lot of people in my life, it was not a great one.  So it's hard to say "what a fabulous year!" when indeed it wasn't.  I tend to live over-empathetically through/with the people I love and accompany them on their journeys, whether happy or sad, and there was just unfortunately a lot of sad this year.

But I can see lots of light for all my favourite people who had a rough go this year, shining ahead in 2015, and I can't wait to enjoy it with them!

Some of my 2014 highlights are here.  That facebook "year in review" thing kinda stole this blog post's thunder but I took my time picking out some of my fave pics in this one, so please come along!

- a fabulous trip to Italy in May.  That was some of the best eating I've ever done!  I came back completely addicted to cheese (worse than before) and even seek out buffalo mozzarella at the grocery store ($$$!!!) from time to time, in memory of our beloved trip through central Italy.

Lunch in Venice - fresh baguette, prosciutto, buffalo mozza and a basil plant!

Grand Canal in Venice at night - SURREAL!!

St. Mark's Sqaure in Venice at night - you can see that Venice really is sinking!

Found my parents in Florence at my favourite church, Santa Maria del Fiore/il Duomo

 - a shorter but still totally awesome trip to Florida in April to watch the Leafs play Tampa Bay and Florida, visit Americatherine and Patrick and check out the Everglades, even if only for just one fleeting day!

TML @ TBL

In excellently close proximity to my fave dudes (even Phil Cheeseburger Kessel, laziest man in hockey) in Sunrise, FL

- a great year at work, including an incredibly productive field season which had tons of funding, which meant tons of deliverables to complete, tons of traveling and fieldwork to do and tons of great results at the end of it.  I also had the most superb team of interns a girl could ask for, Mike and Laura.  We dubbed ourselves Team Awesome - this is what happens when you spend too many hours alone outdoors together!  Fieldwork highlights for me include canoe tours for donors down the Nottawasaga River in the Minesing Wetlands, a jaunt deep into a wetland to find endangered orchids, inventorying the 2 properties I successfully purchased in spring 2014 (woohoo! full circle!!!), a public event at one property on a beautiful September day (the week that I also scored a room at a beautiful resort west of Orillia for $99/night.. I will never forget!! <3) and evenings spent enjoying beers, taco salad, laughs and sunsets with Team Awesome.  I complain about fieldwork demolishing my body and spirit all summer long, but honestly, it's hard to imagine a year without it!

Laura picks up her very first snake, which musks all over her, but turns out to be an Eastern Ribbonsnake, which is a rare species!

The Nottawasaga River in July, by canoe - the only way to go!

Georgian Bay views while completing invasive species surveys

Property dedication and celebration in late September (felt like mid-July!)

Team Awesome at Minesing Wetlands tree planting event

- any and all outdoor time spent with my hubs. I'm not picky! Cross-country skiing, biking, hiking, boating, dogwalks, yardwork - all of it.  Time spent in nature is amazing.  Time with Jeff is the best.  Add in a furry idiot like Bailey and it amounts to some great memories, including a snowy ski at Guelph Lake where we could barely see on the way back the snow was coming down so hard, a November bike ride in icy 1C temps where we laughed our heads off and froze our hands off, or another trip to the dogpark on a summer Saturday!

Bailey helping Jeff in the yard on the first nice day of spring

Black dog party at the pond at the Hanlon dog park

- a great roundup of concerts and hockey games!  My absolute favourite thing to spend disposable time and income on!  I saw THE CURE!  I saw Kings of Leon .. twice!  I saw Alt-j!  I saw the Leafs lose a BUNCH of times!! ;)

- awesome dinners, lunches, nights in, nights out, long chats, and more with great friends.  I could probably go on for a million years about the great times I've had with the great people I'm lucky to have in my life, but I won't bore ya!  Just a little note that I'm super grateful to all the great people in my life, and glad you're a part of it, and glad you will be again in 2015!

However... because I don't believe in painting an untrue picture of life on social media, I will include a downer list, but it will be a benchmark to compare 2015 against so I can be like "wow!  2015 was soooo rockin'!".  Right?! :)

Worst Days of 2014
1. August 13 - finding out of my best friends was very, very sick and feeling completely helpless in not being able to do anything to help her.
2. June 9 - finding out another of my best friends Viv's dad, Hubert, had passed away, far too early for a man filled with far too much joy and laughter for the world to lose.
3. Dec 11 - attending the sentencing hearing for Philip Grandine with my very best friend Dawn and reflecting on the loss of life of the incredibly special Karissa Grandine (http://www.sincerelygoofy.blogspot.ca/2014/12/a-place-id-never-been-before.html)
4. October 15 - second day of a vacation week I'd planned that didn't quite work out, that later turned into a day of superior work/emotional burnout culminated in tears and forced reclusivity!  Sometimes you just need to escape from life and your inbox for a few hours...
5. Dec 24 - I had a bout of probably the closest I've come to depression in my life on this day.  It had been prickling at me for a few days leading up to this and culminated in me feeling incredibly sad, helpess and lost for absolutely no reason at all.  Jeff kept asking "what's wrong?" and I said "nothing is actually wrong.. so this will go away, right?".  Luckily for me it did subside, and went away entirely within a few more days, but it shed some serious light into what it must be like to be depressed and I have the deepest sympathy for people in that situation where there simply aren't any words or thoughts that can make you feel better. No magic bullet.  I'm wondering what I might be able to do to help people feeling similarly now that I've experienced it for myself, if only very fleetingly and nowhere near the same magnitude. I have no idea what brought it on my dark cloud but it was seriously scary.

And onto the bread and butter of a New Years blog post.  Resolutions!!!

Resolution Progress Report - 2014 Resolutions
1. Juice.  I was doing great juicing away apples, greens, ginger, lemons, you name it, into delicious concoctions when I hit a bad batch of spinach. But didn't realize it until after I'd drank the juice... Let's just leave it at that was the end of juicing for me in 2014. Lol.  Jeff and I made some nice fresh-pressed OJ on Christmas morning.  The juicer is otherwise in the pantry, mostly gathering dust!!!

2. Learn French.  I did pretty ok, though I don't think I made a crazy amount of progress I did spend some time with Viv and many nights in front of some free computer software just trying to get my vocab and pronunciation down.  I know some words..I can make sense of a fair bit of French. I will keep working on this in 2015! It's actually quite fun.

3. Floss. I'm finally giving in that this is the resolution that is not meant to be.  I'm not making it again this year.  It's useless!  To be honest, I floss for several weeks before I see the dentist so I don't get yelled at.  Aaaaand done!

4. Get Back to my Wedding Weight. I was really.. REALLY close in Feb/March of this year, before I was advised to throw out the scale, just eat what I want and stop when I'm full, stop counting calories.  I really heartily enjoyed this strategy.  And really, definitely put on about 7 lbs since then.  I think I'm fairly broken when it comes to functional eating/exercise, so now I'm back up to my old, time-tested tricks, watching calories and working out whenever I can, knowing that I will probably fall off the wagon about once a week. But that is a-ok!  See 2015 Resolutions for more info.

5. Read 5 Classic Books. I read 4!  I read Walden by Thoreau, painfully throughout several months of the field season.. it took forever!  I liked it, but upon later learning that this dude basically lived on the edge of town and went to his mom's for dinner on the weekends was a bit tough to swallow.  A fun reflection on nature in a specific time/place, but not a top read for me! When I realized I better step it up on this resolution toward the end of this year, I read Animal Farm (84 pages) (which I adored and sobbed over - Boxer :( ) and Dickens' the Haunted House (also short). I have been enjoying Madame Bovary for the past few weeks and just finished it this morning.  GREAT book with some good life lessons to pull that I think I'll be musing on for awhile.  For now though, I have a stack of 4 magazines and a Watchmen biography waiting to be read! :)  (woo!)

6. Be a Better Listener. I definitely tried to improve at this one, though it's hard to say how well I did.. you'd have to ask my friends and family, who wouldn't tell you the truth probably anyways because they're too nice. :)  I'm adding this one to the continual-improvement-life-skills section. :)

2015 Resolutions
1. Improve my posture and stand at work more.  The end of slouching!  If you see my sitting like the Queen of England, you'll now know why.  Also, did you know sitting is the new smoking?  Get off your caboose regularly, office workers!!! (have you seen this desk yet - my dream: http://gizmodo.com/ikea-sit-stand-desk-review-i-cant-believe-how-much-i-l-1652445999)
2. Have all my pants fit me comfortably again. To be achieved through eating well and working out.  Because who wants to buy all new pants?  Not this cheap bastard!
3. Cycle 50 km. Might be a little while before I can achieve this, seeing as it's currently "feels like -13C" out with 50 km/hour wind gusts.  However, this year, I hit a personal record of 35 km, and steadily improved my speeds on each ride this summer/fall without even trying, so I know I can get here for sure when that sun decides to join us again after these last couple of months of cold ol' winter.
4. Fix my back.  With stretching, massage, acupuncture, foam rolling, modifying how I sit/drive/sleep - I will do whatever it takes to get back to having the body of a 32 year old instead of an 80 year old!
5. Be better. Be good, sweet, light, generous, kind and happy.  Be the kind of person you've always wanted to be, and already are in your better moments!  There is nothing holding you back. :)  Sort of nebulous, but that's how it looks in my brain right now.  I just know life is too short to be cranky, critical, cynical, anxious, etc. - but how do you find your way to being an even better you and living an even better life?  Let's find out.... I will aim to shape this resolution even more as the year goes on and report back on progress.

Happy new year, friends!

A Place I'd Never Been Before

On Thursday, I physically and emotionally went to a place I've never been before.  The physical place was a courthouse.  The emotional place was watching the sentence hearing for the murderer Philip Grandine.  Do me a favour.. if you aren't aware of this news story, please close this blog entry right now.  I need to vent some of my toxic feelings, but the last thing I want to do is take anyone else down with me.

For those who are familiar with this story that's been in the news over the past several weeks, and several years (http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2014/11/28/crown_argues_expastor_philip_grandine_drowned_his_pregnant_wife.html) feel free to come along on this crappy journey and note that my goal by the end of writing this is to land on a positive note!

If you opened the link, you've seen my best friend Dawn's good friend Karissa, looking simply sweet and beautiful!  I never knew Karissa but I did know how much Dawn loved her.  What I remember from their enduring friendship (having worked together at their moms' company, Aviva) was that Dawn always talked about how sweet Karissa was, how it was so unfair that someone like her suffer from such health issues (she had liver problems that caused health complications) and how Karissa was always super positive and strong, no matter what she was up against!

Three years ago Karissa was killed.  Six months after that her husband Philip was arrested for her murder.  Seemingly a million years later he was tried for her murder and the jury somehow found him guilty of only manslaughter.  I can't bear to share the details of this case - too sick, too sad.. but if you read just 2-3 articles it will be quite clear that intent to kill was there.  But, I suppose for some waffling juror that conclusion was just not without a shadow of a doubt.  So, manslaughter.. a conviction that can carry a sentence of 6 months, or 20 years.  It's now up to the judge to decide what sort of sentence Philip will get.

Dawn was asked by Karissa's lovely mother, who I was lucky to meet on Thursday (she's a pillar of strength, this sweet, tiny woman), to write a victim impact statement.  There were over 30 of these written and presented to the judge who is now in charge of determining the fate of this trial.  Several incredibly brave people, including my incredibly brave best friend, read their statements aloud in court on Thursday.  I went with Dawn for support as I thought it could be a tough day.  She was acting like she'd be fine, but just the thought that she was about to be in the same room with Philip was unbearable for me and I knew I had to do anything I could, even if that something was not very much.

Some friend I am.  I went there to be strong for my friend and instead I ended up gasping for breath with tears streaming down my face just the same as her.  We watched a murderer be released from handcuffs and placed in the prisoner's box.  A murderer sat not 25 feet away from us.  (fuck "alleged"- I'm not a reporter and he is absolutely guilty)  We watched Karissa's mom place a beautiful picture of Karissa on the witness box and read her statement, trying so hard to be strong, but breaking down in tears a number of times while she lamented for the loss she felt, and the times she woke in the night yelling "no!" in fear and anguish for the loss of her daughter. We watched Karissa's lovely sister Hannah read her statement, which was a testament to Karissa's kind spirit but also a eulogy to what had been lost from her life - Karissa was her best friend, and cheerleader and support system and she feels the loss every.. single.. day.  I just held on to Dawn because I knew she needed it, but I needed it too.  Karissa's friend Lynette read her statement, showing just how big of a hole her passing had left in her life.  I gave her some tissues and patted her shoulder when she came back, telling her she did a good job, because she was there all alone, because her best friend wasn't there to support her.. because she was gone.  Finally it was my best friend's turn to read and I swear I was on the stand with Dawn. We've always been empathetic with one another but this was intense. I cried when she cried.  I gripped my hands when hers were shaking. I nodded when she looked at me to show her she was doing great.  I looked at Philip's face to see his reaction to this beautifully written memorial and truthful statement of loss that Dawn was articulating so well, but there was simply vacant nothing on his face.

Dawn came back to me and I put my arm around her and didn't let her go for a long time.  Right after her was someone from Karissa and Philip's church who before reading his statement shot daggers toward Philip with his eyes and said "look at me, you coward" in the most hateful tone.  I remember clutching Dawn's arm tightly because of the hate you could feel coming from this man, and I felt an almost giddy rush of emotions because finally someone was saying what we were all thinking.  Still, no reaction on Philip's face.  There were more folks from the church, more family members and more friends who read statements.  At the end of it there had been a very clear and very beautiful picture painted of a very beautiful person.

Karissa wasn't just anyone.  I always knew that from Dawn's stories, but this just solidified it that much more.  Some people in this world are genuinely "special snowflakes", but the real kind, and she was one of them.  She was generous, selfless, giving, devoted to her family, a forgiving and gracious wife (even after finding out about her husband's many indiscretions), funny, sweet, kind, and with a real love for other people and of life itself.  On top of that, Karissa was pregnant, and more excited than anything about the impending arrival of her baby who she had nicknamed Jellybean (this came out in at least three separate victim impact statements that were read, a fact I found very endearing).  To have her life ripped away by someone who could have simply left the marriage if he was unhappy was so unthinkable.  When does murder become an option?  What is so wrong in this world that that is ever an answer, for anyone?  Why take two lives??

Dawn and I wandered through many emotional states together that day.  Not helped by the fact that what I feel she feels, and what she feels I feel.  We were furious - we mostly took this out on the defense lawyer who was 15 minutes late ("the weather, your honour" - yes, it was snowing in Toronto for all of us, you jackass, and we still made it on time) and then immediately requested a 30 minute recess (which the judge granted!) so he could read the Victim Impact Statements.  As if that isn't his job?  We were sick to our stomachs - seeing the notice posted outside the courtroom that read "Philip Grandine; Murder" made us feel like we were in some tv show that you couldn't change the channel on, or stop watching altogether.  We were eventually numb.  Which was probably a protective mechanism orchestrated by our nervous systems.  We stayed in a weird state of shock well into the next day which was eventually solved with a good strong dose of booze in both our cases.  Or perhaps it was just the passing of time, or distraction of good friends.

I somehow stomached my work Christmas party that night as I was stuck in Toronto due to snow anyways, though it was unbelievable the contrast between the 2013 party and this one.  Watching the president of our charity sing his own lyrics to the tune of popular Christmas songs somehow just didn't strike me as quite as funny as it had the year before. The conversations I had with my wonderful coworkers just weren't as hilarious and interesting as they usually are. The only thing I remember that had much in the way of feelings associated with it was hugging my beautiful coworker who has been diagnosed with cancer and is bravely fighting through it.  She hugged me for a good 30 seconds, during which time I felt like she was hugging my heart.  I've always thought she was a bit of a special one too, so maybe that had something to do with it. I grabbed a second hug on the way out, hoping to give her a bit of strength and hope back!

I came home, hugged the dog for 10 minutes, hugged Jeff for another 10, bawled myself to sleep and then put out a plea to friends and family to tell me how I could start to help make the world a light and happy place again, after this terrible awakening that this stuff doesn't just happen on tv but is a stark reality of this often seriously cruel and twisted world.

I was so pleased at what I got back!  Volunteer opportunities, a great list of random acts of kindness (http://www.guelphcf.ca/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=Iqi9Yclh57M%3D&tabid=101), suggestions about being my (typically) happy self, being a good friend, being a good social citizen and of course jokes about drinking (though I swear, those 2 huge glasses of wine the next night really did the trick!).  Dawn and I decided that because we can't reverse this awful thing that happened we can do our best to honour Karissa's memory by being a little bit more like her every day.  So we are both working towards being just a little better and putting a little bit of Karissa's kindness back into the world.  Dawn mentioned in her statement that the world is a worse place for having lost Karissa, so maybe between us we can make it a fraction or two better again.

Thanks to everyone who was supportive of me when I needed it (esp. Dawn, Kyla, Keyla, Jeff, Aynsley, my mom, Laura and Cara).  I feel a bit embarrassed about how upset I was over the whole thing when I didn't even know her.  But my feelings were so vivid and my pain was so sharp I just felt the need to get it out of my heart and into some words, and make sure to state my mission to be a better person to honour Karissa's memory.  It's a great time of year for being a better you, so thank you to the food and clothing donation boxes and pay it forward opportunities that abound right now.  The real challenge (but the one I'm most interested in) is keeping it going into the new year, beyond 2015 and for life.  This life is so short and I can only hope I get to stick around awhile longer and try to make a difference in it.

R.I.P. Karissa. and know you are so missed by all your loved ones.  You truly touched their lives and inspired people to be better than they were, and better than they are.  For that, you will live on forever.

And for anyone curious, sentencing for Philip will take place on Jan 9, 2015.  The crown prosecutor (who was shaking visibly during her final submissions to the judge on Thursday and stammering through her remarks - definitely not like on tv; she is a real person too..) is asking for 15-18 years while the idiot defense lawyer is asking for 6 months - 2 years.  All I want is Philip alone, denied of comfort, and contemplating exactly what he did and hopefully feeling some seriously deep regret, for as long as humanly possible.  Fingers crossed he gets a good fraction of the sentence he actually deserves.  It won't bring her back, but it will bring some small measure of peace to those involved, and that is the absolute least these poor people deserve.

Stay safe, lovely friends.

Purpose

I'm so utterly exhausted I feel like I'm drunk.  As such, I feel that my mind is quite open and has been contemplating some larger ideas today.  Mainly around purpose.

I am committed to the idea that life should have meaning.  I'm not a superhero who expects every moment to be jam packed with significance, but I do not want to look back on, say, my early 30s, and be really proud of the fact that I spent nearly every night sprawled on the couch watching tv!  I don't want to be proud that I read x amount of webpages in a day.  I don't want to be proud that I entered and rated 10 more beers on my Untappd app on my phone (which admittedly, is pretty addictive and threatens to turn me into a pot-bellied beer guzzler ASAP!).

Instead....I want to be proud that I took my dog that extra block on our walk in the snowstorm, because it made him so happy. I want to be proud that I spent quality time with my husband, either curled up and chatting about our days or cooking a nice meal together.  I want to create something, whether it be homemade protein bars to put in our lunches this week or a piece of writing that I can be proud of (or confused reading later..wondering if I was indeed drunk).  I want to connect with my friends and family - either over the phone, or even better, in person.  I want to exercise and treat my body the way it deserves to be treated.  I want to write my novel.  I want to discover if there's something in life I'm even MORE passionate about than nature and writing - something I might be missing!  I want to volunteer my time to make the world a better place.

Because.. and this is quite existential, and my atheist tendings will show here... none of this, this life, actually means anything.  At the end of the day, you get this one shot.. these 70-100 years (if you're lucky!)... and it's up to YOU to make something out of them before time blinks and your shot is over.  No one else is going to give meaning to your life.  (this is me lecturing myself, by the way, not you!! people often think I'm talking to them with my posts :))  If you don't take charge of giving your life meaning and purpose, I'm afraid it might not ever happen!

It's so easy to let the days tick by in a flurry of motion.  Frig.. we are SO busy.  I read today that we're the busiest and most stressed we've ever been, societally and particularly in women in their 20s and 30s.  It is VERY easy for my day to look like this: wake up, walk the dog, eat breakfast, go to work, work 8 hours, come home, lay on the couch, eat crackers for dinner, tidy the kitchen (or bedroom, or living room, insert portion of square footage here), pay some bills or balance the budget, watch a show with Jeff, grab a bath, dry my hair, head to bed. (And I realize the luxury that THAT schedule must sound like to a busy parent!!) It is sometimes too tempting to let every single day move by me like that and before you know it, it's Friday - the weekend - a chance to really DO some things!!  But what about Monday - Friday?  Am I to write them off for the rest of my working life?  That's like.. some percentage I can't calculate now.. let's go with a fraction... 5/7ths of my working life!!!!

So I'm challenging myself to break the mold.  Not to say I'm NOT going to watch that rerun of Felicity or episode of the Biggest Loser (I am addicted!) when I get home from work, with my feet propped up on a pillow.  Because a little downtime is necessary.  But after that.. it's time to move my ass.. and move my brain.. and move my soul!  Because I certainly don't want people at my funeral reflecting on how relaxed and well-rested I was.  How much Netflix I watched.  I want more!  I'm not entirely sure what I can achieve, but I know what lights up the "purpose" centres in my brain so far (writing, creating, spending quality time with people I love) and what doesn't (tv, generally being in a reclined position, looking at Facebook) so I figure that's a good place to start.

I'm on a constant quest for self-improvement!  I'm starting to think that's what this blog, and I, are really all about. But then again, I did hit my kneecap with a mallet today and nearly collapse into a sinkhole in a mushy stream channel.. and I did drink a giant hot chocolate at 2:30 p.m. followed by eating McDonalds for dinner at 4 p.m.... so perhaps the reserved purpose of having this blog to make fun of myself is still alive and well.  How do we feel about a combo of both!?!? (While I'm on the subject, I was reminded today of my stupidest comment of the summer, when I asked a coworker who mentioned he had an office in a supposedly haunted house if "he had confirmed the existence of ghosts?".  I meant had he seen the supposed ghost, not had he ventured beyond the realm of science to prove that ghosts are real.  People are still laughing at me.)

I will have to keep you posted on my journey of purpose... though tonight I will continue to digest my giant mid-afternoon comfort food gorging, continue to watch the Leafs on the couch with the hubs and go to bed at 9:30 p.m..  Fieldwork.. she's a killer! (though full of great purpose.. hence getting to take the evening off from living a purposeful life.. hehe)

Wishing you all purpose, and happiness. ........I think I'm on a happiness mission!

Happy?

First of all: Worst. Blogger. Ever.  I try not to miss months, but I failed as October flew on by in a frenzy.

In exciting news - I had a big work accomplishment finish off successfully (many of you have heard me talk about "taking the pond offline" - well, the new bypass channel has been constructed, vegetated, and now we wait until next fall to flow the water through - woohoo!) and I have once again come indoors for the season (it feels SOGOOD to write that, every year, never fails!).  I'm a happy pappy.. or so I thought........

Last night I read and shared an article that had been posted on facebook (http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People) and it really got me wondering about the elusive concept of happiness.  I'll preface this by saying that I've read about studies that have conclusively proved that people who actively seek happiness are the least happy.. so probably I should just stop here.  But.. I ... can't... stop.... Self-analysis is such a huge part of my life!!!  MUST KNOW IF I'M DOING THE RIGHT THINGS TO BE HAPPY!

As I read the article I had a couple of smug "ha - well I don't do THAT!  so I'm happy! I win!" moments, followed immediately by "oops.. I'm totally guilty of that.. I lose."  I thought it would be a nice exercise in self reflection to go through the list and maybe if you're reading this you can go through it with me and think about areas you can improve or are feeling pretty proud of yourself about.  Then at the end - we shall decide if we're happy!  Sound fun?  Let's go!

1. Chronic Complaining
"The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening."

Ok - I certainly know how to air my grievances and vent BUT I am obsessed with finding a place in my life where nothing is wrong and I strive to have nothing wrong.  I HATE IT when something's wrong!  (and when it is I totally complain about it).  But I think I get a pass on this one because I actively work towards solving problems and finding solutions and I know I'm a good listener when people need to vent out their own problems (though I still think I could be an even better listener.. ever find when you're supposed to be the listener you end up sharing your own similar stories? I'm not sure how useful that actually is)

2. Retail Therapy
Insert smug reaction here - I am so cheap I definitely don't go shopping to cheer myself up.  Shopping depresses me because it means I spent money and there is that much money left to spend in my budget now.  Jeff and I have definitely prioritized spending $ on experiences over things.  Oh shoot.. remove smug reaction... because of that new sports car we just bought. CRAP!  But I definitely wasn't "shopping for a high" with that one.. spending that money HURT!!!  But the car has already brought us some fun weekend adventures together that would have been way less cool otherwise (convertibles rule!) so I'm going to put two tires of 'Fiddy' in the "experience" category and two tires in the "stuff" category!

3. Binge Drinking.
My binge drinking consists of having more than 2 drinks in a night and happens about once a month.  I think I've got this one under control.  Though hangovers are getting wickeder with age, it's still usually worth the trade-off of having gotten to have a fun night out with friends :)

4. Worrying About the Future
"Could you get laid off? Maybe.  Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup.  The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it.  As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now."

I do not worry too much about the future. I like to keep my worry in the present! ;)  I would say I'm pretty into what's happening in my life right now.  This is what makes saving for retirement so bloody painful.  That's like WAY down the line... COME ON!

5. Waiting for the Future.
As in - I'm not happy now but when Event X happens, THEN I'll be happy!  I have done this at times in my life for sure.  At the end of elementary school I couldn't wait to get to high school (it was a definite upgrade).  When I was renting an apartment, I couldn't wait to buy a house (upgrade!  expensive, time-consuming, lovely upgrade!). When I was dating Jeff I couldn't wait to get engaged/married (surprise again, upgrade!).  However, I no longer feel this way.  There is not another Event X that I'm waiting for - I'm content with the now and look forward to my immediate and short-term tomorrows.  I actually think the future is going to start to go downhill in many ways.. we're only going to get wrinklier, more sore, more tired and more lame.. I'm all for the now! :)  (I'm sensing there's a red flag in there somewhere....)

5. Lack of Hobbies
"Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT hobbies."

I was really disappointed to hear that part - since my days mainly consist of working, cleaning my damn house and relaxing in front of a Leafs game or movie or (insert terrible teen or reality show here). ;)  I absolutely recognize I'm failing on the front of keeping my hobbies at the forefront.  A few of my hobbies are hiking, writing, birding.  Before I had Bailey I'd probably do those things approximately 2x/year.  Now I have an excuse to hike more (antsy dog) but I'm really failing on the other stuff and have been for some time.  I always try to use this glorious time in fall when I come in from the field to get back into some of my hobbies.  Case in point, I am currently writing in my blog and tomorrow I am going birding and I WILL find a Barred Owl!  But I could definitely use some improvement here!

6. Eating Healthy
We've all heard about Kristyn1 and Kristyn2.  Kristyn1 is here right now (love her) so I am currently eating very well.  We dropped almost $250 on groceries this weekend (Guelph Costco, you kill me) in an attempt to make more food at home and buy less takeout so we BEST be eating healthy!!!  ;)  I can attest that after Halloween candy for dinner last Friday and far too much wine and chocolate on Sunday that eating poorly makes me feel VERY poorly and eating healthy is the way.  Ongoing life goal: live "the way" more than 50% of the time!

7. Talking Poorly of Others
"...instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around."

Oooh I sure am guilty of this one. I recently made a vow to go a little bit easier on everyone in my life and give people a break.  I have such high standards and expectations for people and that is so unfair and just sets everyone up to feel disappointed/sad.  Useless!  Over it and really going to work to be better.  This is good advice above, especially the "at first it might be hard" part. ........ (D, do we need to attend group therapy to learn how to spend our time complimenting people behind their backs??? this concept sounds kind of crazy to me! uh-oh.. am I defending talking smack?!  CRAP!)

8. Holding Grudges
I have just about let the big one go, but I can't imagine ever feeling POSITIVE feelings toward this person.  I can't believe how much it all hurt.  Further still, I can't believe HOW LONG AGO it was - ugh!  It is really time to move on.

I forgive you (it's hard not to type "you crazy asshole" behind that).
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I'm moving on.
(that actually did some very powerful things inside me)

9. Stop Learning
Smug reaction!  I am always learning.  Whether it's part of work/hobbies (overlap in the naturalist world), or new recipes, or even just asking questions to learn more about hockey while Jeff and I watch a game I LOVE to learn and know I'll always have a hunger for it!

10. Not Following Through
Smug feelings gone.  I cannot write more than a chapter per YEAR in my novel.  I want so badly to finish my first book and see if I could make anything of it - even if it's just to bind it and give it to my step-grandma, the ultimate cheerleader of my writing - but here I sit, not following through.  And I think about this constantly, everytime I'm reading something about how you can achieve anything you want, you just have to try!  I'm wracked with guilt.  YUP this is a serious draining source of my energy.  I better get 'er done... put that one in the parking lot for now, but I'll be back! (or maybe I'll go write my novel instead of blogging later about how I'm not writing it... that would be useful!)

11. Hating Your Job
I love my job. More every day that passes, actually. I recognize this is somewhat rare, and know how lucky I am.

12. Loneliness
I will admit to this one. The culture of texting, social media and way too much information available to distract at all times has sucked me into its web, and I spend far too much time alone, or just with my hubs, and I really miss my friends.... and I don't do enough to remedy this, and I tend towards being lonely.  Also, I swear people seem triumphant when they turn down plans sometimes and that kinda stings - "can you do x this weekend?" "nope! got other plans!".  Oh... *sad Eeyore me*.  I'm sure there isn't actually triumph there, but a kindness/softness lacking? Then this Eeyore-ness self-perpetuates with me not reaching out more.  Which makes me sadder.  Holy unhappiness cycle.  I don't know how to fix this one! Suck it up and pick up the phone more??  I really should! I hate how we don't call each other anymore, plans are so infrequent, and I miss you all xxx

13. Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind
Ooooh they are hard to get out.  But I haven't been haunted by anything lately, so I'll cross this one off.  I like the article's advice:
"When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else.  You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus."

GEEEZ long list.  I'm getting bored which means you are too, so I'll just add the last few I thought relevant:

- Worrying what others think - yes!  But I've been actively working to overcome this by living by a mantra of: do your best, be a good person, go to bed at night happy with who you are and the rest will fall into place.  Still, self-consciousness grabs me hugely sometimes! Insecurity rears it's ugly head!  But I am working hard to build more confidence in me and just simply be a good person.  I won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok.  But I'll be happy with me and the right people who think I'm pretty awesome too will find their way into my life (many are already here) and stay there.  That's the plan anyways.

- Letting strangers affect your mood.  UGH totally guilty of this.  Case in point guy at movies who was so rude about me having my feet on the seat that he wasn't even sitting in yet.  I had been so happy and his unnecessary crustiness totally brought me down! I never should have let it! (later I kicked his seat a bit because he kept rocking it into my kneecaps.. so much for being a good person lol)

- Wanting more money.  Well who the hell doesn't?. But I don't waste energy thinking about this because it's utterly pointless - why freak out about what you can't change, or aren't willing to make sacrifices to change (I hear the private sector actually pays.. but you won't find me working there.. so be it!)

Upon review of this rambling, I have determined that I'm probably about 75% happy.  Once upon a time I made a criteria that I only wanted to date someone who was happy at least 80% of the time.  So I'm almost as awesome as someone 22 year old Kristyn want to date - hey, that's not so bad!  I really am actively working on a few of the things I've discussed above.

I challenge anyone reading to think about one habit you could lose to help you on your path to happiness!  All I want for everyone in this world is for them to be happy.  If we were all happy, imagine the things we could achieve and the pain that we could stop inflicting on one another.

To happiness!!!

P.S. I realize after all this reflecting I'm really due to share some hijinxy stories - I will get to work on falling down a large hill, or doing something comparably stupid that I may share!!

Adventures of a New Cyclist

Cycling definitely runs in my family.  My grandpa was an avid cyclist, cycling into his 80s.  His kids, my mom and her brother, picked it up bigtime and it was a usual event in my house growing up to have my mom disappear for most of a Saturday morning out on a ride (often meeting my grandpa for lunch afterwards at the IBM country club - this is such a lovely image in my mind! :)).  My mom put me on a bike when I was pretty young, and I rode it pretty regularly until I was about 12-13.  Then I was a teenager, rebelling against anything that could be considered uncool (though rollerblading and wearing terrible clothes made the cut.. go figure!).  I brought my bike to university, where it sat for three years, unused in our shed.  I gave up after that.  I finally picked it up again in 2011, in my valiant attempt at wedding weight loss.  It was terrifying getting back on a bike after all those years off - I felt so unstable!!  But once I started riding it to work occasionally I was feeling back in the saddle (small issue: was same bike purchased when I was 11).  Busy summers don't leave a lot of time for riding, and last summer my mom said "if you haven't taken it up by now, you never will.  I'm giving up hope."  Never one to turn down a challenge, or not be that rebellious teenager doing the opposite of what my mom said, I picked up a hybrid bike this spring and went out a grand total of at least 7x this summer.  Not exactly Tour de France material, but I am on the bike and loving it!  My most fun ride was me and Jeff's massive tour of Guelph that took us all the way from the far east end of town to the city limit on the west and down to Pam and James' for a much needed water refill on the "way home"!  I clocked around 25 km that night, which was awesome.  I also loved riding Canada Day weekend with Jeff when we got to watch a variety of fireworks on the way home as the darkness settled over the sky.  My most successful ride was 35 km with my parents and Jeff in the flat and fabulous Niagara-on-the-Lake.  Maintaining a speed of over 20 km/hr was a breeze down there! (around these parts I'm 18 km/hr average if I push!).  But taking the cake for the category of most ridiculous, hijinx-filled ride goes to: TODAY!

Jeff was slammed after a long day of roofing yesterday and took to the couch pretty hard today.  Inspired by the rapidly approaching end of field season (3 more days this week, then I come insiiiiiiide!!!!!!) and its promise of return to regular life, I decided to kick start my much talked about/dreamed about "healthy lifestyle" today, instead of waiting for Friday when I'm officially done and done (healthy today logically followed behind pizza and Reese peanut butter ice cream sandwich Saturday - oh it was so good, as I eat my bowl of dry popcorn... noooo junk food why must you be so delicious?!!).  So off I went on a ride that I started to get pretty excited about when I decided I'd stick mostly to conservation trails and parks in Guelph.  Jeff's been riding his new road bike all summer, so me and my hybrid have been mostly sticking to roads with him.. but I looove a gravel trail ride and the views of nature they tend to afford!! :)  Eastview Park was amazing!  The fall colours are already spectacular, and as I have a "thing" for dappled sunlight, it made for the perfect jaunt around the ~4 km loop through there.  I had a "mountain biking" moment when I realized the place Bailey and I usually cut across by foot is a steep grassy hill, which had a mud puddle at the bottom today after the big rain this morning - and let's be clear, the most adventurous thing I've ridden on is a gravel trail, or sometimes a moment of grass to get around an obstacle - so I just held my breath, pushed my bike down the tiny, 1 m hill, and came out alive, much to my surprise. ;) The gravel trails around the city were full of washouts today after the rain, so I was having to do some slick maneuvering (or so I thought... foreshadowing alert!).  I rode the craziest path ever between the Angel's plaza and the river downtown - it was a bumpy disaster, but I just made sure my bike's suspension was unlocked, and came out the other side in one piece!  Great views along the Speed River.. more of that dappled sunlight.  And I emerged at Gordon, wanting to head east across the road to pick my way home.  Of course there were 97,000 cars coming down both sides of Gordon, at all times, unrelenting, as I tried to make a left out of the driveway of the Speed River park.  I finally gave up and hung a right, crossing further up the street.  It was at this time I noticed another cyclist in front of me, heading down a dead end side street so instead of heading back along the north side of the Eramosa River as planned, I decided to see where this guy was going!  He got to the end of the street and whizzed right, disappearing into the bushes.  So I decided to follow him! Let me be clear, I never saw this clearly professional mountain biker again he was going so fast, and before I knew it the trail "we" were on had seriously narrowed to one of those one lane dirt trails heading deep into the forest, and suddenly I was a mountain biker....

Flashback to 2008 - my oped was published in the Environmentalist punishing mountain bikers who stray off trail.  I'll include my favourite of all the forums that bashed me for weeks - this one goes on for 25 pages! happy reading! - http://www.pinkbike.com/forum/listcomments/?threadid=26017  My only regret about this article was not stating sooner that I'm not opposed to mountain biking ON TRAILS.. it's freeriding (riding off trail) that was my concern.  However, for some reason (dramatic flair?) I saved the mention of sticking to trails until the very end, and the short attention span of a population of morons led to some fun e-harassment including threats to me, my home, threats of showing up at my workplace, facebook stalking/angry messages, etc. etc. - awwwwwesome!  This did a great job of shaping my view of the community of mountain bikers, to the point where even though I'd initially not been opposed to riding on trails (they're already ruined, so just stay on them!) I became a hater of mountain bikers as a whole.  Unfair to paint them all with the same brush, I know, especially that people I'm quite fond of like my husband are mountain bikers, but it was involuntary in the face of all the evil! ;)

**rant over

So here I am, suddenly riding through a forest on a very narrow trail.. on my relatively narrow wheels, and my average speed has dropped down to a sad 11 km/hr.   I'm making my terror face nearly the entire time, trying to navigate around roots, sticks and especially rocks, which keep knocking my back wheel and sending my back end askew.  AH!  I have to admit riding through the puddles was a bit fun.  However, this puddle was a bit unmanageable:

I like the pathetic attempt at a boardwalk - that made me laugh

After I'd finished portaging over this (I'm sure that's the correct word right ;)), I realized I must be about halfway toward my destination of Victoria Rd.  I figured this trail must emerge somewhere around there, as some more recreational trails can be found on the other side of Victoria and I'd hiked those before.. wide, gravelly, lovely... just gotta get there!  Well.. I didn't connect the dots that when I went under the giant bridge, that was Victoria.. I just had my eyes trained on the constantly changing ground, trying to avoid those damn giant boulder rocks!  A couple of times I gave up and walked my bike - navigating boulders uphill.. ummm.. I have enough trouble riding uphill on paved roads, no thanks!  I passed hikers and was completely confused about where they'd came from as it seemed I'd been in the depths of the wilderness between the Eramosa River and god knows where for at least 2 hours by bike (reality: I was back there for almost 40 minutes - RunKeeper keeps my exaggerations to a minimum.. but still.. that's ridiculous).  Suddenly I'm riding beside railroad tracks and feeling extremely disoriented.  But I passed a runner, and a hiker, and knew I must be somewhere near civilization. I had to "portage" again over the tracks which was very disorienting (but I was relieved to see the trail on the other side of the tracks when it had looked like it was just going to end and leave me stranded on the tracks!).  As I continued my silly adventure, I found that every time I looked up to try to enjoy the view or orient myself I would careen right off the trail due to my terrible sense of balance and coordination.  So I just trained my eyes downwards and kept on my way.  Finally.. cars!  Then I had the sad realization that this was going to be Stone Rd., wasn't it.  Yes... Stone Rd it was.  And there, parallel to the nonsense 1 foot wide rut I'd been riding on was a wide gravel trail for strollin' and hybrid bikin'.  Insert Sideshow Bob stepping on rake-esque "yeeuhhhhh-ahhhh" here.  Anyways, emerging onto a road quite far south from where I lived I realized I had two options: to go UP Stone Rd. W to Victoria (a kinder journey home), or go UP Stone Rd. E to then go UP Watson in the direction of home (Watson = entirely uphill).  Or there was the potential of heading DOWN Watson and riding off into oblivion, possibly laying down in a creek and waiting for coyotes to eat me, but somehow, unbelievably that road actually goes UP as well (Guelph: the city that scoffs in the face of science!).  While I contemplated where to go, I went to take a long haul of water from my water bottle as a reward for making it out of the forest alive, and ended up with a giant clod of mud in my mouth.  Nope, you can't make this stuff up.  So picture me riding, spitting and and freaking out along Stone Rd., then spitting water onto the mouthpiece of the water bottle to "wash" it.  Delightful.  Mouth rinsed, I decided that UP Stone and UP WATSON I would go.  After a fun moment in the Stone/Watson intersection where I tried not to lose all my momentum with a driver who was obviously unaware it was a 4 way stop, and me making lots of what I thought were helpful hand explanations, I bombed through the intersection, past that damn patch of Phragmites, and started my long journey uphill home.  But as soon I made that left turn I was smacked in the face with an insane 30 km/hr headwind coming from the north.  MY GOD!  I just kept pedaling, and pedaling, relieved when I could finally hide from traffic on the conservation trails near-ish to my house, so I could ride in gear 4 (I'm usually somewhere around 15-18! I swear!) at a snail's pace.  I almost cried at the last hill on my journey.. my legs were burning and my butt and back were so sore from all that bouncing around the forest. But I held it together and miraculously made it home.

I rolled into my house, literally caked with mud, cheeks aflame, helmet-freed hair a sad disaster and crawled up the stairs to a waiting Jeff, who asked "tough ride?".  "Yes," I replied.  "I accidentally went mountain biking for an hour, then rode for 20 minutes straight uphill into the wind."

BUT I managed to put in 25 km which is nothing to shake a stick at in hilly Guelph. And it was a GREAT workout on this healthiest of Sundays. And my bubble bath afterwards was the best thing that had ever happened to me.  AND I certainly had a new wild adventure and you can't have too many new, wild adventures in this life... even if you spend a solid 40 minutes wincing your best terror face, and realizing that 2006 Op-ed Writing Kristyn had it right: she is most certainly NOT into mountain biking!!

"Portaging" on my crazy trail-  I'd already decided to blog about this, so took this pic as I know my blogs are a bit word heavy.  Perhaps I shall include a couple more things to amuse you..

Kilometers 14 - 19: the path of misery

This is my bike, only I have the 2013 model and it's silver with purple writing (kinda girly but was a great sale :))

Riotous

I just want to keep riding my Riotfest high from the weekend, because weekdays are significantly less fun than spending time in the beautiful outdoors with good friends watching great bands perform!  Who designed this life anyways?  Why can't I do that every day?! ;)

Just a quick shout out about what was so great about my weekend.  And let me clarify that the name of the festival reflects its punk rock roots but it's turned into more of an eclectic mix of artists from all different genres, all with roots in rocking out :)  When I told people I was going to "Riotfest" they seemed scared.  My financial controller told me to have a good time watching "The Curse" - I corrected "it's the CURE!" - "ok.. bye".

The Food
When there isn't a single healthy thing to eat it is 100% acceptable to have ice cream for lunch, pizza for dinner, and beer for hydration on Day 1.  Poutine for dinner, funnel cake for dessert and, again, beer for hydration made up Day 2.  Excellent.  What was that I'd said last week about getting back on the healthy train?  Ok, ok, hold on, I will ;)

Dawn's face full of funnel cake is for sure the best part

The Weather
We had two excellent days of late summer weather.  Cold September didn't disappoint!  After the 40C Friday we'd just expereinced, 23C Saturday and Sunday were more than welcome!  Gorgeous sunshine, clear skies, cool nights (perfect for sweaters, or being shoulder to shoulder with a million sweaty strangers for warmth) - awesome!  The rain on Friday night had left Downsview Park a muddy disaster but at least we all knew that going in and wore shoes we didn't mind having to throw out at the end of the weekend.

The Hijinx
Of course there were some of those.  They included the two hour journey from Liberty Village to Downsview Park (at some point during the weekend I saw something on Google maps that cited the distance between the festival and downtown as only 11 miles which was very upsetting for 2 hours of my life I'm never getting back).  The subway full of teenagers in concert t-shirts and girls in short shorts displaying upper leg tattoos (discreetly coded by Dawn and I as "LTs") was a bit worrying on the way in.  I'm happy to report though that the average age was much closer to 23 than 16 - ya!  I am getting so tired of feeling like a grandmother at concerts.  Though at no moment did I feel more like a grandma than during Metric, when we'd jockeyed hard for a spot near the front and as a result found ourselves surrounded by towering, redwood-like young boys (I asked one how tall he was - 6'5 - and there were four of them), drunken moshpitters (no!!!) one of which kicked me hard in the shin (took everything I had not to kick him back), and the guy who stood so close to Dan they were essentially spooning.

Note Dan is turned sideways to reduce the sexuality of the encounter with this young man

My Best Friend
Just a shout out to Dawn who knew how important seeing The Cure would be for me and shelled out nearly $200 for a ticket so she could come along with me.  She also rocked out and sang along to The Cure even though her knee was killing her from standing all day and she was clearly exhausted.  I hope I was able to make "birthday fest" really fun for her to say thanks for making my summer by joining me at this concert AND letting me sleep in her bed AND letting me sleep in as late as I wanted in the morning.  She's a gem and a half, that one!

I was threatened that I wasn't to show this picture for punishment of death so I cropped her head - what a badass festival goer!  Dawn rocking out to Billy Talent.  

And of course a shout out to Dan who made sure that I had an excellent vantage points for all the bands I wanted to see.  Both Dawn and Dan's line of the weekend was "ya, I've heard OF them". What troopers - best concert buddies ever! :)

The Freaking Bands
I don't even know where to start.  It wasn't just the big names and the closers that were amazing.  It was like everyone was amazing!  We started with Taking Back Sunday - they were great!  AWOLNATION - I like one song (who doesn't love Sail) but found myself just dancing along the whole time their performance had so much energy!  Brand New has fallen off my radar since the days of Sic Transit Gloria.. Glory Fades but it was so great hearing them (and that song! my 22 year old self thought this video was the greatest thing of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3YVKTxTOgU) again even if there was a drunk shirtless guy rolling around on the grass in front of me during the performance and I was alone with him for about 20 minutes while Dawn and Dan got food.....

Death from Above 1979 are another band I like, but of course now love after watching them perform.  The lead singer, in his weird white shorty overalls and no shirt, made fun of Barrie and Orillia and was immediately warmed to my heart.

Death from Above 1979

We checked out Billy Talent next who thankfully played songs from their only good album (first one) that I wanted to sing along to.  Luckily we escaped before Dawn had a chance to do her rendition of "Nothing to Loooooose!!!" (only Katie will understand that reference :)).  We left so we could grab a good spot for The Cure (which was obviously my band of the night) though this meant saying bye to Ryan, my former soccer buddy and neighbour, who I'd been trying to find all day via text and then actually physically looking for at Billy Talent, and then gave up.  Of course he ended up standing exactly right beside me at Billy Talent and it took us at least 10 minutes to notice this.  Haha.

THE CURE WERE UNREAL.  I don't want to be boring and gush and gush but I will just say that Robert Smith is about a million years old and still one of the most talented singers, musicians, performers that I know.  Great energy, hilarious tiny dance moves and played hit after hit including Just Like Heaven, my top favourite song from age 7 through to right now when it still makes my Top 5 Favourite All Time Song List.  Check out my boy, still rocking hard to Just Like Heaven, nearly 30 years later:

That was just Day 1!!  I swear, I'm trying to be brief here :)  Day 2 we came back a little later to save our grandparent feet from another full day of walking/standing.  This meant I got to have brunch with the lovely Nicole at a lovely restaurant downtown so obviously the day was off to a good start (did I mention I also got to sleep in and have a perfectly uninterrupted sleep with no snoring Jeff or crying Bailey? OH MAN good start to the day! ;)).  I also had an unplanned couch nap which was probably a good thing as I'd been so sick all week!  Ok.. so we're back!  Ready to rock!  Dan was sure I'd like the Dropkick Murphys if I liked Great Big Sea but they were a bit too badass for my Celtic heart.  Plus they talked about the Leafs losing to the Bruins in the playoffs in 2013 which actually hurts my heart to think about and was painful to type just now, so they lost major points.. but still rocked out pretty hard.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE were fantastic!

Death Cab - photo by Short Kristyn

Death Cab - photo by Tall Ryan (it's like we were at different shows)

I felt a bit like I was missing a limb watching them without Dave who's been with me all three times I've seen them but Dawn made up for it by turning around at least 10x to exclaim "this song is so Dave Cristo!".  Haha.  I loved Ben's business casual attire while he sang just beautifully and played songs I'd forgotten all about and ones that totally hit the right notes, like Long Division, which I've tributed by listening to 10x in the past three days.  I also dug Codes and Keys (their 2011 album that got lost in the shuffle and I never listened to fully) out of my CD case (grandma alert pt. 3) and listened to it all day today.. simply lovely.  So that was a resurrection of an old love that I am so grateful for!  And frig, this night just kept going!  THE NATIONAL! METRIC! Who I don't even like anymore but put on an amazing show and admittedly made me a bit emotional during the part where the whole audience got to sing/finish Breathing Underwater.  During this show, however, I was touched, kicked, had my ear sung into by the monotone guy, laughing hysterically at the madness and craning my neck over the Sea of Tall for a view - I was not feeling the love of the crowd at the end of this set but at least it makes for our most ridiculous memories of the weekend.

Metric - discernible only by the order these pictures were in ;)

For City and Colour I was happy to watch from the back of the crowd.  Not sure why Dallas slowed down everything so much, and butchered a fave of mine, Coming Home, by Mr. Jonesing the tune of the song so no one could sing along.  I'm coming home, you jerk!  He redeemed himself with a few goodies, capped off by Two Coins which I sang all the way to my car - so he's still in my good books.  Especially that I could just listen to that voice all life long.

Some aggressive nosing out of the parking lot (who parks anywhere but right at the front? not my problem you didn't think of it, assholes!), a cruise along the 407 blasting Transatlanticism and I was home ("'cuz it's too important - to stay the way it's beeeeeee-eeeeen!"). Exhausted but on a total concert high - which I still totally am - can you tell?!

Music is most certainly my drug of choice.