Kristyn 3?

Over the years I've lamented about Kristyn 1 vs. Kristyn 2.  Yes, these two - Kristyn 1: a super healthy, working out 4x a week, cooking a ton, watching her calories lass who isn't really fun for anyone to be around.  She does get the job done though and inevitably drops a few pounds and inches. HOWEVER she almost always without fail reverts back to being Kristyn 2.  This girl is someone you want to hang with - she is baking cookies, watching hours of reality tv on the couch, sneaking thirds and fourths on dessert and almost making it a point to eat everything in site.  It's like Kristyn 2 thinks that she is "off the wagon" and she better live it up before Kristyn 1 comes back. Kristyn 1 always seems to come back... but then so does Kristyn 2.

This is probably what most would refer to as YO YO dieting!! I tend not to think about it as a diet, but if it truly was a lifestyle "change", wouldn't it be more sustainable??  It always, inevitably, "ends". Then my pants get a bit more snug.  Then I go back.

Or maybe I'm too hard on myself.  Maybe that's just what it's like living and eating in today's world of endless comforts both in the form of lovely places to sit and delicious bad-for-you foods to eat. However, it's always been a goal of mine to reconcile these two versions of myself and try to land somewhere in the middle - Kristyn 1.5?  No, she doesn't sound evolved enough.  **Kristyn 3.0!**

So what I'm noticing since I quit sugar on December 28 (#day24! not that I'm counting! ;)) is that I feel a bit more sustainably healthy.  I find that I enjoy cooking, and have been consistently at it for over three weeks now. It's still a time consuming, dishes-making, clean kitchen wrecker, but actually putting together foods and flavours and dicing and stirring while listening to music is fairly zen - I actually start to feel like I get a bit of "flow" going on which I've read is the key to actual in the moment happiness :)  Usually I go on a cooking kick for a week or so and then spend the rest of my life dragging my heels that I better try to cook at least ONE nice meal a week.  But, 24 days later, I'm still cooking and really liking it.  Don't get me wrong - I really like it when there are leftovers and all I have to do is heat them up, but cooking is feeling alright and for some reason a little more sustainable.

If only every meal I cooked was lobster!

I used to be the queen of the yogurt parfait for lunch or even quick dinner - Greek yogurt, raspberry jam for sweetness, sugary granola on top and some delicious raspberries.  I also loved rocking a caprese salad, inspired by falling in love with this salad in Italy: tomatoes, cheese (bulk bocconcini and fior di latte from Costco yes please!), basil and a drizzle of balsamic reduction which I was recently horrified to find out had 10g of sugar per tbsp, mainly added sugar.  So with my two favourite stand-bys gone, I'm forced to make more savoury dishes and maybe I simply haven't found the lazyman dinner in the sugar-free category.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #1: Cooking becomes more of a necessity when you don't have quick and easy sugar-based "meals" to reach for, and only whole foods lying around that need to be cooked and combined to turn into something yum.

Also what's been happening, partly since I quit sugar and partly since I decided to do a try-a-tri this June, is that I've been getting back into running.  My physio helped me with the process, figuring out that some muscle imbalances in my butt and hips were likely causing a lot of my injuries from running.  I retired from running in fall 2012 and have really missed it since.  Every time I do a little of it, I hurt something, so I really have been avoiding it.  BUT, on this plan, I increase running by small increments every week and I'll delay my progress if I don't keep on top of it, and I could hurt myself if I don't do my e.g. weird gluteus medius strengthening exercises: so, there I am.  At least 2-3x a week and it's not really a big deal at all.  You can bang out a mile, even at my sad slow pace, in under 15 mins, do some leg lifts and knee thrusts to strengthen those weird hiding muscles that are weak, roll your IT bands, and you're all done in 45 mins or one episode of the Good Wife on netflix ;)

Last 5k?  Maybe not!  With Viv in 2012 at Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon 5k

Kristyn 3.0 theory #2: Exercise is easier to maintain when you have a goal to work towards and you genuinely enjoy what you're doing

Here's another thing that's interesting.  While I've been waiting for the wild sweet cravings to subside and staying off of added sugar - the cravings mainly happen when I am tired, I find- I have occasionally tested the water with sugar.  Those delectable looking raw brownie bites I posted, that I started to binge eat the next day and had to throw the last few out :( , helped me realize that my chocolate addiction could take weeks... or months.. or years(??) to shake (dates + cocoa don't really equal proper chocolate - do they?? - but my brain was saying MORE MORE MORE!).  I accidentally had a spoonful of sugary sorbet at a restaurant and felt tingly and wild afterwards. Jeff found the sorbet "tangy and sour" while I found it "overpoweringly sweet" - weird right?  Last Saturday I decided to try a little piece of one of my favourite chocolate treats - dark chocolate salted almond bark - which I used to eat 15 pieces of in one afternoon (approx 40g of added sugar) and I took one bite and immediately put it down.  It tasted like soap, and also artificial, empty, overly sweet.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #3: When sugar doesn't taste good anymore, it's not that hard to stay away from it

Yesterday afternoon when my travel plans were derailed, the croissant and tea I was planning to pick up from Tim's a distant memory, I popped down to the coffee shop in the mall where I work and ordered a smoothie.  The girl serving me had assured me it contained "raspberry puree and yogurt".  Not thinking twice as I also put goopy raspberry and plain Greek yogurt into smoothies, I ordered it.  It was honestly the worst thing I've ever tasted - I could TASTE the sugar.  My coworker tried it and confirmed it was a pretty fake-sweet-tasting smoothie.  After sucking down 1/2 a cup of it (it was like 4 cups huge) due to my cheapness ($5!!), I had a huge headache and simply set it aside, not to be touched again. I'm delighted that true sweetness (fruit, milk) is now the sweetness I enjoy and look forward to.  I can't imagine I've kicked a lifelong addiction in a mere 3.5 weeks, but I'm surprised how well I'm doing over here on Day 24!!

Raw Brownie Bites (sweetened with dates) - Day 14 downfall

To get through the moments of sugar cravings, which seem to happen after a night of crappy sleep, I give in to the desire to comfort eat.  When you don't sleep, your body doesn't produce the right amount of ghrelin (the "I'm full!" hormone) and I always find I'm hungry all day.  Also when tired I tend to reach for comfort foods.  So I've solved this by making friends with the guy at the convenience store and at least once a week showing up for a bag of Smartfood or salt and vinegar chips - my savoury favourites that before I would only eat if they were at parties - if I was buying junk food, it was chocolate or skittles!!  This new habit is certainly nothing to brag about, BUT, it turns out what I've been reading for years is true - when you have a treat when you really/want need it, it is enough and then you can move on.  Before when I'd come home with Reese peanut butter cups, I'd inevitably be reaching for more sugar later.  Now, I tend to feel a little gross and full after my salty indulgence and am happy to just eat a reasonable meal later. Comfort eating and sleep deprivation eating are similar for me - you can chalk them both up to emotional eating vs. intuitive/because you're hungry eating - so when I had a mega-stressful day at work last week, it was no surprise to find myself in the McDonalds drive through line.  That double cheeseburger has made my day so many times!!  However, as I was still detoxing from sugar, I ordered it without ketchup.  Gotta say - it was a let down!  The fries were still nice (did you know they are manufactured to melt in your mouth - literally start digesting in your mouth for maximum instant pleasure?! terrifying/amazing) but that burger really didn't do it for me the way it has for my whole life.  Weird stuff.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #4: Have a salty treat, feel comforted/satisfied, and naturally move on from wanting to eat your feelings

I brought my scale out for the first time in a long time for this sugar detox experiment and was amazed to see 6 pounds melt off (like a McDonalds fry hitting your tongue) in 2 weeks.  It was fascinating to not even feel like I was really trying (but, but, I just ate chips! antojitos! so much cheese! buttered popcorn!) and see numbers on the scale I haven't seen in years. There are only 3 pairs of pants left to tackle (i.e. drop inches so I can fit into them) which was one of my new years resolutions - and I have a lot of pants - I collect jeans like a hoarder, at least for my cheap self - there must be about 15 pairs in my closet. Sliding into one of those pairs that I bought while telling myself "these will be perfect if I can drop a few inches" (stupid, why do women do this?!) was ridiculously gratifying and kind of a "never done before" feat.  At the end of the day I don't feel the need to change into sweatpants immediately and a few times I have accidentally worn jeans for hours, not even noticing they were on (usually they're so tight/uncomfortable I have to strip 'em right off!).  This is enjoyable, the fact that I didn't have to kill myself to get here is amazing, and all those happy feelings are motivation enough to want to stay on track without really even trying to do anything.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #5: Letting your body find it's ideal size set point, and fitting into your entire wardrobe is reason enough to continue eating reasonably and exercising moderately

Last interesting note, I am riding a much less intense blood sugar rollercoaster (think Corkscrew compared to Millenium Force). I'm still peckish throughout the morning (likely indicative that while my bowl of oatmeal, fruit and almond milk is a decent breakfast, it may be lacking in satiating ingredients like healthy fats or have enough calories), but I can go hours and hours without eating, particularly in the afternoon and evening.  I don't. Even. Think about it.  The other day I didn't eat lunch until 1 p.m.  I would have been curled in a coma on the floor if that had happened last month but I was fine.  Hungry, but not shaky or hypoglycemic.

I may just be on the road to lessening the amplitude of my blood sugar spikes including the low blood sugar moments of hypoglycemia.  This is an excellent reason to keep sugar to a minimum in my diet, and I'm going to continue with that principle for sure. Another health bonus is that eating so many nice, whole foods has done wonders for my stomach - pain, bloating, and all the joy that comes with a sad GI tract - all gone. My sensitive stomach is no longer something I think about too much.  I wonder how my gut bacteria are doing down there??  Whatever you're doing guys, keep it up, go forth, multiply, etc. - I feel great!!

Kristyn 3.0 theory #6: Doing it for your health makes making good choices a no-brainer.

So.  On Day 24 I am going to loosen the reins.  Looking for and thinking about added sugar in everything is fairly inconvenient in public settings.  Plus, having it in such small doses (e.g. in a pizza crust or pasta sauce) doesn't seem like a huge deal now and then, and it's hard to imagine it could set off a cascade of chocolate cravings. Typically when Kristyn 1 would "loosen the reins" and "have a free day" it would turn into a several-days binge cycle from feeling restricted.  But I truly don't feel restricted.  I can eat whatever I want, and there are many delicious choices available to me. A strawberry-kiwi-coconut milk smoothie is the sweetest treat ever, and tastes amazing!!  That bag of chips on a tired day is nothing to brag about, but man do they taste good in the moment and fill me up very well! Next week I'll be away from home Tuesday - Friday at a place with the best food, including the nicest desserts, ever (White Oaks Resort in Niagara on the Lake for a staff conference).  I don't feel my typical Kristyn 1 "nervous/gearing up willpower" about it, or wondering if I'll "slip up".  If I have half a piece of cake I'm fairly certain the world won't end.  But if it sends me on a sugar spiral, or I end up feeling headachey, grumpy and lethargic like after yesterday's smoothie, it would be a clear signal NOT to reach for it again.  And just focus on eating something creamy, or salty, rich and filling at the meal, so I'm not left wanting to reach for dessert. I do hope they have some fruit available, though, my trusty back-up.  I wonder what report I'll have to give post White Oaks!!!

If you read this far, thanks for coming along on my weird sugar journey and quest to find Kristyn 3.0 - a healthy girl who isn't perfect but doesn't oscillate severely between "good" and "bad".. since, secret, there really is no "good" and "bad". :)  I feel quite optimistic today, compared to my last post.  Rather than expect that I'll inevitably swing the other way, crash and fail, I'll try to ride this wave of added-sugar-free happiness and see what tomorrow brings!!

Kristyn Quit Sugar

Last week I launched a secret mission into a life free of added sugar.  I was planning on starting said mission on Sunday, January 3, after New Years Eve and an all day bird count on the 2nd that I knew would leave me craving sweets at its end.  However, after a night of gluttony on Sunday, January 27 and feeling like sheer hell upon waking on the Monday, I decided why not give it a whirl.

This was helped by the fact that I'd just polished off the book "Sweet Poison" and had recently started "Suicide by Sugar".  There are some scary facts about sugar out there.  What scared me the most:

- the hypoglycemia I have developed over the past several years and was formally diagnosed with in 2014 (before that, I just called it "hangry") is likely related to over-consumption of sugar; some people's pancreas under-produce insulin in the face of too much sugar (aka. high blood sugar/diabetes) - mine seem to overproduce it and suck too much sugar out of my blood, leaving me weak, shaky and feeling just downright sick.  The idea here is less sugar = less insulin over-production = less hypoglycemic moments.

- our bodies don't have a mechanism for feeling "full" from fructose.  Unlike fat or protein, where we have an enzyme/hormone system that clicks on to tell your body: "ok, stop, you're full!" there isn't one for fructose because in caveman days if you came across a berry patch you WERE supposed to gorge your face off.  And our bodies, always looking out for our caveman selves, transform fructose in the liver directly to fat, to keep our cavemen selves warm.  Or as it's known today, to expand a muffin top on a well-fed modern human...

- Big Sugar controls A LOT.  There are so much politics involved in why sugar is everywhere, including places you didn't even want it (why does a pizza need added sugar? bread, cheese, toppings, crushed tomato - these things would be delicious without added g's of sugar - why is it there?!).  Big Sugar does not want us to stop eating/loving big amounts of sugar, that's for sure - and I don't like someone contaminating the food supply for no reason other than $$!

- I am fully addicted to sugar and was consuming at least 20g of added sugar per day (on a "normal", "healthy" day - it was upwards of 75 - 100g on days when I was being less conscious of my food choices), in addition to sugars naturally occurring in my food (which were likely another 25 - 30g - or about the amount found in a couple of pieces of fruit and some dairy).

- Those pangs of hunger I felt/feel mid-morning are known as "toxic hunger" or "fructose withdrawal", and it's just my body/brain looking for my next hit of sugar.  I used to jokingly define it to my coworkers as "false hunger", while scarfing another granola bar halfway through a morning in the field, wondering out loud how I could feel so hungry after a double bowl of oatmeal only 2 hours before.  Now I know I was right and I wasn't really hungry - and that freaks me out

So here I am.  It's DAY #10!!!!!! And I haven't had a drop of added sugar. This is largely thanks to my awesome supporters including Jeff, my mom, Dawn, my New Years crew, my co-sugar-quitter Aynsley, and my coworkers, who have all been just amazing!  Thank you guys!!!!

A lot of the research I've done has recommended that a full sugar detox should include the removal of ALL sugar, including sugar from fruit (fructose) and sugar from milk (lactose) to completely eliminate the dependency on it.  I hear that, but I have also thought about the fact that I WANT to have a diet where I'm excited to eat fruit!  I also can't imagine how sad/itchy I'd be without fruit and dairy in my diet, even for just a few weeks!  I don't know that I see the point in going through that withdrawal, only to end up reintroducing fruit back in.  The idea is that to completely recalibrate your palate, you need to remove fruit.  So far I haven't entirely found that to be true, I have had major changes to my palate and cravings with small amounts of fruit in my diet per day, so for now, fruit and yogurt stay!

What has made me the most pleasantly surprised:

- after 10 years of REQUIRING chocolate or other sweets after every single meal, I have had 16 lunches and dinners total in which I have not finished them off with 2 squares of dark chocolate, and most of the time, I don't even think about it

- 4 lbs melted off me in 4 days without even trying and I can now fit comfortably into most of my pants again - hoorah!  I plateaued after that, but hey, I'll take it!  I haven't been staying under any sort of caloric goal, and I haven't been exercising much because I feel like crap a little bit every day (I'll detail that a bit more below) so the weight loss is all due to the removal of sugar.

- when I saw a bag of marshmallows in the grocery store (which I used to keep in the cupboard between fire/roasting season and sneak from time to time when I needed a "hit") I physically flinched, my stomach clenched and I felt gross just thinking about eating them

- the smell of sugar in the grocery store no longer enchants me the way it used to (you know that smell by the bags of sugar in the baking aisle?  oh man it used to get me) - now I have a neutral reaction to it: "that is the smell of sugar".  I can also walk down the candy and cookie aisles with minimal interest in what's around me.  I used to drool over those things while shopping!

- I have been forced to replace things in my diet and it has been pretty easy breezy.  In my last post I wondered if I could ever enjoy gross, bland oatmeal without the sweetness of brown sugar.  I am not sure I'm interested in eating plain oatmeal still but I have been mashing some raspberries or mixed berries into it each morning and truly enjoying the flavour - more and more each day, too.  I lost the granola from my yogurt and replaced it with chia, pepitas, almonds, unsweetened coconut - and I adore it!  I also sweeten the yogurt (thick, sour, Greek yogurt - it needs it!) with mashed berries, instead of jam or honey.  It takes me a lot longer to eat it, but I enjoy it very much.  No more balsamic reduction meant losing my beloved caprese salad, so without tomato salad and parfaits, my "go to" meals have had to become more savoury - and I'm really loving the whole foods I'm eating!  Veggies and fruits are simply delicious.  Cheeses and nut butters and my new comfort foods.  Nuts are the most incredibly filling snack!  Eat a handful pecans and see how long you stay full for - it's unreal.  Sugared peanut butter is replaced with natural almond butter, which is possibly the nicest tasting thing in my house (and I've had almond butter before, and I did NOT feel about it the way I do now).  And crunching on cacao nibs is WEIRD but oddly satisfying, especially knowing I'm getting all the antioxidants of chocolate without the sugar and with the added fibre, good fats and protein.

- comfort food comes in many forms - not just sweet.  Heavily buttered, salty homemade popcorn on day #1 was a delicious dream come true!

- I can easily say "no" to desserts at social functions (had to do this 3x in the past 10 days), because I can't imagine going through withdrawal again.  I'm not ready to add them back in (...yet? I'm not sure yet), and have no desire to (aside from those occasional moments of my brain screaming for them, like when I saw chocolate cake with white frosting in a movie the other night - my favourite - and didn't stop thinking about it for about 18 hours - weeeeird!)

What has been hard:

- Day #1 I felt absolutely desperate - like a caged animal.  I tried to go out in a snowstorm to seek out satisfying sugar-free treats but decided I should let safety be a priority instead of my gnawing toxic hunger. Instead I made the popcorn I mentioned above :)

- Day #2 I got really really stupid and couldn't form sentences or find words I was looking for

- Day #1-3 I had a constant dull headache

- Every single day (up to and including yesterday) I have had one serious 30 minute crash between the hours of 2:30 p.m. - 6:00 p.m., depending on when I woke up that day.  I found putting my head down or lying down and sipping a cup of black tea with milk was helpful to get me through it.  During the crashes, I felt nauseous, dizzy and completely sapped of energy.

- Day #4 I had some wild digestive issues, likely related to the onslaught of veggies and lentils in my diet. Usually I would calm my system with simple carbs, but as most were off the table and we had no bread, I had to keep eating cheese and veggies and fibre and fat an all the things that typically bug my stomach.  I made it out alive, though.

- Day #7 I had insane cravings for cake that carried into Day #8.  When I think about the cake, I can still feel pleasure centres lighting up in my brain. This is creepy

- Feeling like I'm "doing it wrong" by not cutting out fruit. I still crave sweetness, but find I am then more than satisfied by a serving of my saving grace Vanilla Almond Popcorn http://realfoodrealdeals.com/vanilla-almond-popcorn/ (sweetened with dates) or a piece of fruit.  Is it a bad thing to still want sweets, eat them in their whole package with fibre and nutrients, and subsequently feel good??? It doesn't feel bad but I'm really confused.

- Feeling like I'm "doing it wrong" because I have largely been a functional human - exercising lightly, working, cleaning, laughing, birding.  I was expecting it to be SO MUCH worse than this.

- So much cooking and food prep.  My go to/easy grab meals and snacks which revolved around sweetened cereal, sweetened oatmeal and sweetened sauces are all out, so I am doing a lot of chopping of fruits and veggies, cooking grains and starches (which take forever!!!!), preparing big batches of foods for easy meals and bringing seemingly 3,000 calories of snacks with me to work to ensure I make it through the day (I bring most of them home, but I'm always so worried I'll wig out at the office that I can't go in without my lunch bag brimming over with a million tiny tupperwares)

- When I explain it to people and they feel like I'm somehow judging their habits or there is an expectation that they do this as well.  Absolutely untrue!  Everyone's journey is their own.  Frankly, I don't care what you do as long as you don't wave cookies in my face while I'm trying to quit sugar :)  And of course if you are interested in taking the journey, I'm happy to be your "sponsor"!

- Feeling a little bit crappy in unpredictable intervals every day.  Blargh!

So.  I'm going to keep taking it day by day, and keep thinking about what I eventually want to do with this sugar-free me, and if I should consider a total ban of ALL sugar from all sources until I stop craving it. Currently, I feel like a pile of garbage (may be related to bad sleep, possibly to withdrawal which I've heard can last 3 days or 6 weeks.. oh god..), so I'm going to sign off.  Sorry this blog post isn't more entertaining with fun pictures like the last one.  I liken it's blandness to being an homage to the blandness of my morning oatmeal.... ;) Kidding, kidding.......