I have no
doubt my episodes of overeating are linked to all those times I’ve restricted
my food. I took some time to count it up and realized I’ve gone on diets/healthy
eating spurts/eating plans (whatever you want to call it) over 30 times between
the ages of 14 to 34. There was something about hitting the 20 year mark
that was a wake-up call, that I don’t want to spend the next 40 to 50 years
living like this, trapped in this cycle. And it’s definitely a cycle - my brain
hungrily remembers all the times we were restricting, sees the plate of cookies
and goes “well we’re not being ‘good’ now – let’s eat up while we have
the chance!”.
Poor brain.
Poor body! Do you know how many times I’ve lost and regained the same 5 to 15
pounds? And I look basically exactly the same all the time, even similar to my
high school body, when I first turned into a diet monster.
But rather
than looking back at what I have been, or have done, I want to look forward to
the person I want to be every day. That’s someone who generally makes healthy
food choices, and enjoys treats in a reasonable way. And if I eat most of the
large piece of chocolate cake that Viv brings me on Monday evening ;) it will not
affect eating veggie-full meals the following day. This has been my focus
lately, recognizing that junk food will always be a part of my life, and what I
can do is add in healthy things wherever I can. I’ve been really focusing on
getting vegetables with every lunch and dinner for the past few weeks, which
packs the double punch of providing nutrients/fiber/phytochemicals AND being so
filling that one doesn’t feel such a wild urge to eat the rest of the slice of
cake... and another slice after that.
One of my
favourite podcasts is Half-Size Me, which introduced me to the idea of gradual
change over time, one habit at a time. So even though I know I can eat 100%
clean and exercise 4 to 5 times a week for about 2 to 3 weeks, I also know it
never lasts for good and is usually followed by a big swing in the other
direction and overeating all those foods that I cut out for that time.
I’m very
happy to report that for the past 3.5 weeks I’ve eaten veggies with every lunch
and dinner (minus the McDonald’s I had that day on the road and oh man did it
taste so good – do pickles on the cheeseburger count as veggies?), and strength trained 2x/week,
a habit I’d really fallen out of doing regularly over the past couple of years.
Focusing on these two habits has actually been really easy, and I’m feeling
great, still super motivated, and I can already see some muscle definition
coming back… alright! Last week I added an extra habit of adding a minimum of
one training session per week of any element of a triathlon (swim/bike/run) in
prep for my hopeful return to the triathlon game this summer – wish me luck!
I’ve also
eaten a pretty serious amount of cake, cookies, chocolate and Halloween candy
and had nights where I’ve collapsed on the couch after work and didn’t move
again. And I am 100% totally okay with that, and welcome both into my life, in
balance.
While losing
a few pounds would be nice, sure (there are some TIGHT waistbands in my
closet!), I’m no longer tracking calories or weighing myself (I learned that
these things make me, someone who is prone to being hard on myself, very likely
to beat myself up mentally if I go “off course” and a trigger toward trying to
act perfectly – which inevitably leads me in the exact opposite direction) and
I have no real goals, or timeline. My goal is living a generally healthy life,
continuing athletic pursuits, and freeing myself from the weird diet prison I
put myself in when I was 14 years old. I can finally see the outside world, and it
looks oh so good…
