Low FOD Life

This is long but is my firsthand deep dive into health problems, food, gut and diet. I hope there's something helpful in here for someone, or at least makes sense why I've been acting such a fool at restaurants lately ;)

The faces people have made when they've asked me to explain what diet I'm following for the past 3.5 months have been comical, that's for sure. It's like they think I made up a word: "Fodmap". I explain - "it is a funny word - it's actually an acronym". When they ask me to tell them what it stands for they usually glaze over somewhere after Fermentable Oligosacchardies.. the other letters if you're interested are Disacchardies Monosaccharides And Polyols. In lay terms, they're small sugar molecules (all those 'saccharides' and 'ols' really just mean certain sugars/carbs) that our small intestine isn't able to digest and absorb, so they move into the large intestine where they're Fermented (there's the "F"). This causes the body to bring in liquid, bloat, cause gas - all those things you KNOW about how you feel when you eat, say, raw onion, or too many beans. Those are FODMAPs and they're just doing their normal thing. The thing is in people with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome - yup, I said bowel on my blog) like me, if your sensitive gut gets too disrupted these FODMAPs can wreak some havoc. This summer I went through a very stressful period (sadly, my dad's cancer is back, and not treatable aside from palliative chemo/pain management, so digesting and processing that information has been tough on my brain.. and my gut..not really interested in talking about it much, but feel free to send your good vibes his way - he's the best, and the toughest) and I must have eaten something, somewhere, and found myself in a bad stomach spiral that lasted for SIX WEEKS. I'm talking.. motility, folks... I'm talking.. every day... oh god. I lost a staggering 15 lbs because I had zero appetite and when I did eat, bad things happened. My usual tricks of bread and juice weren't working the way they normally did. I'd have days where I'd go "screw it!" and eat anything, because nothing was going to make me feel good. My doc suggested the BRAT diet (tough for someone with a banana intolerance, and who apple juice is suddenly giving a stomach ache to), and ordered a colonoscopy and endoscopy.. for 6 weeks out.

Then my buddy Jay, my saviour, really, told me about the low FODMAPs diet. I'm aware of it because my sister in law is on it, but she's a nightmare to feed so I never even thought about looking into it. Jay explained all the things you COULD have: a bit of bread! cheese! lots of different fruit and veg! all the meat and fat you want! chocolate! (oh man I quit sugar in Dec 2018 and came back to chocolate like a crack addict as soon as I had an excuse). I figured: what the hell. And gave it a shot. Within 3 days my appetite came back for the first time in 6 weeks. Within a few weeks I had the functionality of a normal person in the place where it matters a lot. I went in a helicopter with potential major donors and didn't have it end in a really really embarrassing story. And today, I'm pretty much a normal girl again. An RD I finally got an appointment with a couple weeks later told me it was the first line of defense she would have recommended and has walked me through the phases of it (more on phases below), and later a gastroenterologist recommended it too. Low FODMAP: the gold standard in gut care! Who knew.

But OMG.. what you CAN'T eat on this diet has made the whole journey really SOMETHIN! Garlic, onions, apples/peaches/any fruit with a pit, wheat, lactose, beans and legumes, asparagus (why? why??), mushrooms, etc. No pattern you can pick out with the fruit and veg, just a lot of "nope"s! Add this onto my Kristyn-specific food sensitivities that pop up randomly from time to time (coffee, alcohol, red meat) and I sure was eating a lot of chicken and rice. You can eat the tops of green onions (the leaves DIGEST THE FODMAPs.. kind of cool), and have any fresh herb you like - so flavour came, but was hella different. Garlic infused oil is neat - FODMAPs are water soluble but not fat soluble so you get all the garlic flavour without the pain! And talk about people making faces at you - try going to an Italian restaurant and asking them what on the menu doesn't have garlic in it. I have had some very nice salmon salads, and a life smothered in parmesan cheese for flavour. DYK... most cheese doesn't have much lactose, which made this bearable as cheese is a main food group for me. Saving grace: the Monash app/website - Monash is a school in AU that researches FODMAPs and launched this diet and super specific and helpful app, and improved symptoms in 75% of IBS patients who go on it.

So a full 8 weeks on Phase I, the elimination phase of the diet where I can't have a single FODMAP while I just calm and heal my poor gut. Thank goodness for companies like FODY that make garlic and onion free pasta sauce, salsa, ketchup, bbq sauce and the best granola bars ever! Thank goodness for the cookbooks I found that let me still eat Italian (polenta lasagna!) and Mexican (cheesy tortilla casserole!). Thank goodness for the restaurants that talked to me ahead of time so I could still celebrate special occasions with friends and family (and a quiet 'f*ck you' to those who treated me like dirt and discouraged me from coming, like Caroline Cellars in Niagara on the Lake, a former favourite lunch spot). Thanks goodness that the gluten free and lactose free landscape at the grocery store is super impressive these days too. And I got back into cooking which after 6 weeks of eating mostly bread, and a spring of living in hard denial about my dad with my best friend fast food, was a welcome treat. And I didn't mind bringing sugar back into my diet.. girl needs some FLAVOUR!

Starting in mid-Oct was a full 8 weeks of Phase II "challenges", where I stay on the elimination diet but reintroduce FODMAPs one at a time to see which ones are actually a problem for me - 3 days of intro, 3 days of rest. Great news - in doing this I haven't regressed to my symptoms being as bad as they were in July, but I did find a couple of things that caused me some (manageable) pain and bloating (so I can extrapolate that if my gut is off, they're going to cause the full monty of symptoms). Turns out I am mostly a fructan master. WTF is a fructan? It's just a whole bunch of fructose molecules together. You have to test 5 types of fructans during the challenge phase and I mastered wheat (THANK GOD!), fruits/veg fructans, galactoligosaccharides (fructans found in chickpeas, beans, etc.).. I'm going to do onion fructans this week (promise!) and I somewhat failed garlic fructans. A small amount of garlic was fine, but increasing the dose on day 2 caused enough stomach pain that I didn't need to see what would happen on day 3. The hope is I can try again down the line. I've always loved and cooked with garlic and do believe my gut is still on the mend. I did well with lactose, except got bloated after a big glass of milk. So lesson learned to get the kid sized ice cream cone (...I already knew this. I have a very clear memory of a morning in Carden after a night at Kawartha Dairy where I made eye contact with a cow in a field during a critical moment...). And I tested a bunch of weird stuff like mannitol, and sorbitol - turns out sorbitol, found in things with pits (avocado, apple, peach, cherry) among other food, is a real jerk to me, but only in higher doses. I typically don't want to eat a whole avocado at one time anyway, but it explains why apple juice became an enemy last summer. You definitely want to get as many FODMAPs back in your diet as you can, since they're important prebiotics that feed your microbiome and are associated with great nutrients and fibre in the foods that carry them.

So I'm almost at Phase III - customize, based on what you learn from using your body as a science experiment during Phase II, and then live yer life. Can't friggin wait. I've been tracking every bite I've eaten for month and this week I got so bored of it I started using emojis instead. The kiwi one is the cutest. I track my stress, and sleep, and gut feelings and BMs too. My FODMAP life, in snapshots.

And a crazy thing that came out of this was the results of my first colonoscopy. It's almost funny how weird the prep is (I felt well prepared for it emotionally after the summer I had lol - once you've been in trouble in the woods, there's nothing left to fear..). I had SEVEN polyps found and removed. And the lab tests showed they're all pre-cancerous.. WTFFFFFF!!!!???? If this hadn't happened, I may not been screened routinely until I was 50, and then guys I quite likely would have had full blown colon cancer. So now I'll be heading back for a screening every 3 years, and would encourage anyone who has a chance to to get the damn test! Worth the cleanout. Good news otherwise - no celiac, no crohn's, no colitis, no cancer.. just inflammation associated with good ol' IBS.

My weight bottomed out after that procedure (as you'd expect) at -20 lbs (yikes), but I started eating small and high calorie meals very often and I don't know what I weigh but my pants aren't hanging off me anymore, and I can wear everything I own comfortably, which seems great. PSA: don't tell people who look like they've lost weight "you look fabulous! what's your secret?!" - because my answer was, "I don't mind the results, but I wouldn't recommend the method". What I would have given to eat normally over the past few months, I tell ya... Plus, I was grey. Health is measured in a rosy cheek, not a skinny leg, I say!

And that's it. My FODMAP adventure. I'm not exactly going to recommend it for fun, but it might be neat to think about the foods that cause you trouble and have a look at what portions of them you can truly tolerate to avoid that post-restaurant bloat/pain. And if you're ever in a tricky digestive spot, or are a fellow IBS sufferer, then I think you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. Phase I can last only three weeks if you don't start out in as bad shape as I was, and the challenge phase really has been a fun experiment, selecting from the app what foods to try next with my coworkers at the lunch table. Though figuring out how to eat 1 cup of chickpeas was interesting. I need the barf face emoji. That's just too many chickpeas.

Thanks everyone who's been supportive, listened to me talk about my stomach, my guts, and short chain carbohydrates ad nauseum for months on end. Thanks Jay for saving my life before I spent 2 weeks on the water in Georgian Bay and in a helicopter over Timmins. I do think Jeff enjoyed all the cooking and definitely the birthday polenta lasagna. Anyways, now I gotta go figure out how to palatably eat 1/4 of an onion tonight to start this second to last challenge. I'm scared for Day 3 -who eats half an onion anyways? Should I just chomp it down like George when he didn't have his glasses? Stay tuned to find out ;)

Concert High Series: Panic! at the Disco & Two Feet, Montreal

The first time I saw Panic! at the Disco, after dying to for years, was in 2013 when they were opening for Fallout Boy. They were fantastic then – Brendon Urie the lead singer is really something special to watch – and I was sold even further on this band I already adored. Then bring along the next two albums – Death of Bachelor in 2016 and Pray for the Wicked last summer – and I was even more picking up what they were laying down. So this show was a perfect culmination of seeing a band I’ve loved for so very long have the moment in the sun they deserve headlining a big splashy tour, and just an experience of pure awe and joy and nonstop smiles for this big goofy fan. Unless I’m out seeing the Watchmen, or Tool, or another band I’ve loved since the 90s, you can guarantee I’m surrounded by children at these shows – but Jeff and I just roll with it! I don’t think there’s an age limit on any band – if their music makes you happy and speaks to you, then that band is all yours to love.

The opening act was Betty Who (who?) – who put on a great show with some backup dancers. I loved how humbly she introduced herself, asking if we were excited for Panic and then saying “I’m going to sing and dance for you while you wait for them to get here”. But then just rocked, with so much confidence. Also – an average sized woman, who was clearly proud of her body? You go Betty. More of that please, music industry. The main opening act was Two Feet, who were a big part of the reason we were there. I often tease Jeff that he hasn’t liked a new band in 20 years (this man loves Nirvana and Tool), but it turned out all he needed was Slacker radio (which comes free in his new car) to expose him to some new artists – he’s now added Two Feet and Twenty One Pilots to his list of bands he really likes (both excellent choices!). He’s destroyed my ear drums frequently with Two Feet’s crazy bass lines, so I thought that was a good candidate for our next concert - so for Christmas I decided that would be the perfect gift for him. And behold, Ticketmaster tells me they’re touring! ... opening for one of my favourite bands. That would be a hilariously selfish Christmas present, so I ended up consulting with him on it and we decided to make a Montreal weekend out of seeing Panic, Two Feet and staying at a nice downtown airbnb.

The weather cooperated for our adventure – sunny, and freezing. Lol. But at least not the snowstorm of this weekend – that would have been way trickier. We stopped at three superchargers along the way to Montreal – conveniently located by an LCBO in Pickering (yes, I SHOULD buy some champagne!), a Boston Pizza in Kingston (please, take all our money in exchange for so many calories), and absolutely nothing in Cornwall (I stargazed instead, it was a beautiful clear effing freezing night). We rolled in with 150kms on the Tesla, thinking that would be plenty until we wandered to a supercharger sometime the next day – only to find that our pampered electric car, used to sleeping in a southern Ontario garage, did not react well to -30 windchills outdoors overnight and we had to take it to a charger STAT on Saturday morning lest it lose more battery and we be stranded!! Yikes! Lots of lessons learned about electric cars in the deep cold (such as: we should have taken my plug in hybrid!). We had amazing poutine for lunch, lounged about in bed in the sun (how nice is it when you’re in another home that you DON’T have to clean, without piles of laundry to do and a mournful staring dog to walk!? So relaxing!), and mastered the subway system to Laval. Mon Francais est terrible, but I muddled through dinner and drinks before the show. 2019 resolution back on the table: learn some damn French!!

So, back to the concert.

Two Feet played and it was a great show even though his voice wasn’t that easy to make out above the sound of his super loud excellent electric guitar playing. He’s a crazy talented guitarist and it was great to watch. I felt like Jeff and I were the only people who knew all the words to all the songs and we sang our hearts out. Some people did know their radio single Feel Like I’m Drownin’ – and gave it well deserved cell phone flashlight love! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCW_GRh8AjY Brendon later shared that he handpicked Two Feet because he loved what he was doing – I thought so, and even more props to him.



Two Feet clap



So now.. the stage is empty, the roadies are gone, and it’s dark – until a 1 minute countdown until Panic comes on hits the stage is up on the huge screens behind the stage. The crowd of teenagers is going wild. Jeff wonders: “where are the drums?” just as the drums and drummer rise out of the stage on a platform. And then a string trio and brass trio rise on either side. It’s hard to know where to look, and sooooo fun to watch.. then it’s dark again... until suddenly LIGHTS – and at the same moment Brendon on a platform rising out of the middle of the stage LEAPS into the air, seemingly out of nowhere, at the same time the lyrics and music of (Fuck A) Silver Lining start, at the same moment a bunch of giant confetti cannons explode all over the audience. It was ridiculous and hilarious and awesome!! I could watch the youtube videos of it all day – this one I found from another fan is good, aim for 0:19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkfpzZ1Jb8s - I could literally watch that moment on repeat for the rest of my life lol. We had these crazy good seats (come on, it was Christmas!) four rows back from the end of that stage arm, and the people standing in front of us were two super short 10 year old girls, so we lived the concert dream of sitting through the entire show AND having a great view. Ah, being old. I did miss standing/dancing a bit, but I wasn’t going to miss this once in a lifetime opportunity. And we started a sitting chain that lasted three rows behind us. Super impressed ;) Here’s a snippet from Silver Lining once I caught my breath, and you can see our sweet view! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juALfUFsUAY Those dance moves. Those pants! lol. Apparently he wears them for confidence as he has social anxiety - hard to imagine, but I dig him even more for being open about mental health issues. This man is sending only good vibes to the next gen.

I honestly can’t think how to describe this show. Pure energy. Beautiful light show. Pyrotechnics. Seriously talented musicians (Brendon doesn’t just sing 5 octaves, dance like a maniac, play guitar and piano – he drums too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fek1KfzU6N4). At one point he started playing piano back by the sound equipment and suddenly his piano, on a platform, rose into the air. Then, it travelled across the entire length of the general admission crowd on the floor until it reached the stage while he played Dying in LA. Unreal!



Piano floats across audience -before landing back at the stage - wild!





This Is Gospel - guitar break from dancing



He played so many of my favourites, from Crazy=Genius to One of the Drunks to Miss Jackson (not that Miss Jackson) to Hallelujah (not that Hallelujah). And their amazing Bohemian Rhapsody cover. The way he acts out his lyrics has always made me think that’s how I’d act if I were a singer, and it’s so silly and so fun. Everything was over the top, bright, sparkly, fabulous and amazing. His leather pants, gold microphone and dance moves were a delight :D The band (total new configuration) were super solid and the orchestra accompaniment, which I totally HEARD on the last album but didn’t quite register (ya know?) were great.

 



So much fun!



 

It felt like it went on forever, in the best possible way, and I went home just happy and exhausted. And proud! The little band that everyone thought disappeared (people have said to me: “remember that emo band Panic! at the Disco?” to which I’d reply “they have six albums and are one of my favourite bands” (snarkypants)) are releasing Billboard #1 albums and lighting up a whole new generation with their energy and vibe. Their music is just fantastic – so alive, fun, catchy, real – and I feel sooo lucky to have seen them at this show!! Yay!

 



Dancing in leather pants has got to be warm - shirtless encore which included I Write Sins Not Tragedies (classic!)