What. The hell. Is with this.
I have absolutely no useful insights on this topic. I generally don't write about things I don't think I have the answer to. This one is truly "off the top of my head" and I'm basically just thinking out loud. This one is hard to write.
We're taught not to care what other people think, and live lives for ourselves. We're taught to do what we think is right and follow our hearts and our guts. To live life "for you" while at the same time being a good person. I love all these ideas. But implementing them, day after day, and not following the seemingly natural instincts of wanting to make other people happy, make friends, please people and all the weird permutations those ideas can lead to is REALLY HARD!
Where does this come from? Again, I have no answers. Is it ingrained in children? I picture Mrs. Seinfeld repeating "how can anybody not like him!". But what I admired most about Jerry was that he simply didn't care, and he really did live his life for him, even if it meant being a jerk. Cuz maybe he was a jerk. He was just doing him - and that's ok! It takes all types for this world to go around. Affinities, friendships, relationships, dislikes, frenemies, enemies - all these things are inevitable and you're likely not just going to have ones in the "happy" categories. So why rage against what's going to happen in some incessant battle to make all your interactions positive?
Well frig, it just feels great when you get along great with everyone. It's, sadly, one of my biggest wishes in life - that things can be easy breezy, drama free, we all get along and everyone just loves each other. Sad because it's so hard to "come true". I'm thinking about my staff retreats - the 2012 National staff retreat (remember crowd surfing?) and the 2013 Ontario Region strategic planning session in which was basically a giant love-in to the point where the facilitator commented just how nice a group we were (aww). On the other side of the coin, I think about the 2012 staff retreat where I was yelled at by a previously cited coworker in front of all my other coworkers and I don't have quite such warm and fuzzy feelings. Because it sucks when there's hate and ill will going on, and it's lovely and synergistic and good vibes build on good vibes when everyone gets along! So you can see why I aspire to it. Who wouldn't rather the latter scenario than being yelled at?!
But... as much as I have been working to breathe the bad people in, forgive them, and let them go, I myself have an incredibly short fuse when it comes to people driving me bananas. Being super sensitive and having really high standards doesn't make me the easiest person to please! So guess what.. I don't like some people.
SO WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO LIKE ME!?
The answer, clearly, is "they don't!". My sage personal Buddha and loyal blog reader Erica (whose blog is so much prettier than mine!) framed it perfectly earlier this year: "not everyone is going to like you. and that's ok." I think getting ok with it is the only real solution, and therefore, of course, inevitably, the real challenge.
Isn't it funny how some people rub other people just the wrong way? There are some people I can just never seem to get my footing right with and I'm always aware of them just not quite loving me. And there are people who drive me bonkers who will just never get it right with me. I think just in writing this I'm seeing what a two way street this is, and it makes it better somehow - I think it's the key to the answer.
The people who I don't really like aren't bad people - they aren't a mar on society - I don't wish they would disappear into a hole (or be banished to a deserted island, which is what I used to secretly wish upon people in high school - I put them all on the island together to torture one another.. muahahaha. at that time there were like at least 10-15 people!! happy to say the island's real estate market has opened up a bit since then) - it's just that they rub me the wrong way, affect my sensitive sensibilities or maybe just aren't "for me". So why is it such an affront when you can tell someone doesn't like you? I'm not exactly the quietest, least opinionated person in the room. I can imagine I can be quite grating, especially after a few drinks (my husband informed me that during my birthday celebration last week I was screaming "WHAT COAT AM I GOING TO WEAR TONIGHT! I CAN'T PICK A COAT!" - totally unnecessary, annoying and ridiculous!). I bet even my highly introspective and self-based blog entries annoy people (don't anyone dare agree with that statement as a comment on my wall, I'll kill you! ;)). I get that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I can see this type of off-the-bat, just-not-feeling-you reaction when my dog meets other dogs in the park. Some dogs he instantly wants to play with, will bounce in circles, beg them to chase him. Other dogs: one sniff and he's out of there. He might even get growly if said dog tries to play with him. Bailey is very firm in who he does and doesn't like, and he has an approximate IQ of 4. So maybe it's a biological thing? In which case I should clearly just stop writing and thinking aloud about it and give in to letting the chemicals rule our interactions!
I just read Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In and was bummed during the chapter that pronounced that the more successful you get at your job, the less people will like you, particularly as a woman (URGH). I recently became a manager at my job and have aspirations for higher long-term goals. So do I just get down with the fact that people won't like me? Maybe someday I'll be high up enough and scary enough that anyone who doesn't like me will be too scared to act like it?! Just kidding.. because I will still know... I'm quite intuitive, you realize! Not to mention there's about zero opportunity for growth at my organization so I'm not going anywhere anytime soon!
I think overall it would be damn good and healthy to spend less time thinking about who does and doesn't like you. Who the fuck cares anyways! (said in a happy voice!). You only get one go at this life, YOLO if you will, and at the end of the day I certainly don't want to remember shedding tears over people who didn't like me and wasting that time by NOT spending it in a quality way with people who love me.
I do my best to be a good person (wife, daughter, friend, coworker, etc.), to be kind, to serve the world when I can, to listen, to take furry people for really long walks, to abide by my own moral code and to be good while being me (which is not exactly this perfect effigy described above! ha!). If we all do our best to be our best selves, then won't the chips fall naturally where they will? Friendships will form, some will recede, some will resurge; alliances will build, break; affinities will wane and wax - but it will all be the way it's "supposed to be" because we're all being us - constantly changing throughout our lives, meaning that these relationships will inevitably change as well.. but as long as you have a few key people you love and who love you, isn't that all we need?
I can see from this rambling I have some neat ideas. Implementing them and making them a part of my day to day consciousness, that's another thing entirely! I guess a good start is blogging about them. :)
I'm always on a quest to better myself. My next goal - being 100% proud of the me I am so I can be more ok when, inevitably, someone does not want to chase me at the dogpark.
