How's THAT for a title?!
Just had to share a few of my favourite highlights from my First Aid training renewal course today. It's a requirement at my job which involves a lot of outdoor fieldwork as well as working with volunteers - luckily to date have only had to use my skills once: dressing an arm wound on a woman who cut herself with loppers. I am, frankly, terrified of actually having to use it FOR REAL sometime! Anyway - what an enthralling Tuesday it was. Here's the highlight reel:
- taking the end of the day quiz I'm presented with a multiple choice question: "A casualty has an open abdominal wound and the intestines are exposed. You should: a) force the intestines back into the casualty b) pull the intestines out of the casualty c) cover the dressings with a dry cloth d) cover the dressings with a moist cloth." Needless to say the answer is d. Needless to say I BURST out laughing when I read the first two and pictured the absurdity of both facing a situation in which intestines were exposed, AND the craziness of the idea of either shoving them back in ("there! all back together!") or yanking them out ("there! problem gone!"). WHO WOULD DO EITHER!?!
- the thumb amputation video in which a guy is operating a chop saw and you see his finger getting CLOSER.. and CLOSER... and CLLLOOOSSSERRRR to the blade, until he CHOPS his thumb off!! (fabulous acting/angles to simulate lack of thumb i.e. thumb tucked against palm :P). If anyone knew me in 2008 when Jeff "attempted to cut off his hand" (as I describe it.. he doesn't like that) with his chop saw, you can imagine how much I was squirming during this one! The detailed removal of the thumb from the bloody glove, placing on ice and labelling the baggie filled with ice "John Doe, thumb, 4:30 p.m." at least distracted me from wondering how Jeff might hurt himself in the future ;) GROSS!
- the terrifying mannequins for CPR that were strewn across the room - their blank eyes and blow up doll mouths staring at me all day long. I really enjoyed the blowing of breaths into their plastic-lined mouths while they stare up at me with their dead eyes. I wanted to take a picture of the floor so many times - it looked like robot carnage.
- the even scarier mannequins for infant CPR practice that revealed themselves as standing in two terrifying single file lines inside a giant cooler bag type contraption. You never want to see a cooler bag unzipped to realize it's filled with ten tall, gray, dead-eyed fake babies.
- a weird skew in the quiz answers so that it seemed like every other question had a reference to "back blows" (a fun term for whaling on someone with the heel of your hand between their shoulder blades when they're choking). I like the incongruity of where some of these references appeared: "you find a casualty with symptoms of a stroke - you should: a) give 5 back blows" or "a casualty tells you that they are diabetic and haven't eaten in 5 hours - you should: a) give 5 back blows". I couldn't help giggling at the idea of finding a poor diabetic or stroke victim and just suddenly whipping them over your knee and beating them on the back. Ouch!
- getting to "act out" scenarios with a partner who is a stranger, within 10 minutes of arriving in class. Always fun. I love having my ass and sides patted down by someone I don't know, as much as I love them tenderly wiping my hair off my neck to tie a knot in my arm sling, as much as I love putting my hand on their stomach (while sitting across from them, staring at them... holy awkward) to assess number of breaths per minute. I didn't even know this girl's name and we were freaking all over each other all day long in a variety of positions that resembled massage, hugging and kissing.
- when I was told to act out a scenario of being unconscious with a suspected spine injury, and then randomly barfing all over my 2 rescuers.. ok.. that one was kind of fun ;) I also liked the one where I had low blood sugar and got to be really belligerent and yelly - very fitting at 3:30 p.m. after a day of tying bandages, touching strangers and trying to stay awake for 8 hours of first aid chat in a room with no windows
- have to just give a special shout out to the St. John's Ambulance volunteers acting in those video segments - obviously not hired/trained actors just doing their best... which at times made the entire class laugh out loud. The effects were killer too - like when the lady fell down the stairs and smashed her head on a railing, and a delayed two seconds later the sound effect of a puck off a goal post played - beautifully mastered. Again we all burst out laughing - which got me to thinking about the innate sympathy (or lack thereof?!) of human beings. What is it about people getting hurt that makes us laugh?! I'm prepared to recognize we're all a little bit evil. ;)
In conclusion, I passed my quiz, I'm recertified for another three years and will continue to hope I never have to use ANY of those skills in the field for real!
I'll end with the words I said today more times than I can count (my anthem):
"MY NAME IS KRISTYN! I KNOW FIRST AID! CAN I HELP YOU!?!?"
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Monday, 26 March 2012
2 Kristyns
I've had a couple of weeks relatively free of my usual hijinx. I'd say it's been nice and relaxing, but work has been mega stressful and it really helps to be able to laugh at myself to take the edge off! I DID trip up the stairs at work today while balancing an untrustworthy tupperware full of yogurt (with a smaller tupperware full of granola perched precariously atop it) in one hand, while the other hand was in my purse. Somehow managed to avoid smashing my face into the steps which was a blessing. However, being as mega stressed as I was today, my reaction was closer to crying than laughing. Le sigh! So when you can't laugh at yourself to blow off steam, what's the next best thing?
EXERCISE!!
I had a wonderful 1 hour workout tonight (20 mins sprints on the treadmill, 30 mins weights, 10 mins stretching - learning to love stretching slowly but surely). It definitely helped put life in perspective and take my mind off things. And that brings me (eventually) to my point.. I was being Kristyn1 tonight. And man did I love it.
Kristyn1 is one active lady. Sometimes working out up to 5-6 times a week, doing a variety of things from marathon cardio sessions to intense interval work (elliptical, bike, treadmill - she's not picky!), as well as tons of strength training (Kristyn1 does her research and knows that muscle burns more calories just sitting there than flabby fat ever will!) - she likes bodyweight strength exercises (squats, lunges, push-ups) and is a fan of free weights (though only owns up to 20 lbs - which Jeff often does fake bicep curls with, faking intense effort.. what a meanie! :)). She makes a point to walk up and down the halls at work throughout the day and walk to the mailbox instead of stopping her car in front of it (yup, I def do that). She signs up for 5ks and actually trains for them. More than just exercise, Kristyn1 is a super cook! Trying all sorts of new, interesting recipes, and falling in love with a different new ingredient a week. On any given day her nightstand is littered with healthy recipes ripped out of the 2-3 health/well-being mags she reads per month. She precuts veggies and fruit and places them at eye level on the fridge so they're handy and accessible. She barely spends a cent as the week goes by because she makes every meal at home. She researches calorie info at restaurants before going to them so she knows what to order (and what NOT to order!). Kristyn1 sounds like the kind of girl I want to be!! Too bad she only ever shows up for 2 weeks, 1 month, maybe 2 months at a time. Inevitably she is always intermittently, reliably, unexpectedly, ruefully replaced with Kristyn2.
Ahh Kristyn2. She's all sorts of wrong, but I sure do love being her. She's been known to spend entire nights on the couch after a tough day at work. Seriously like 5:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m., maybe getting up for a shower and to grab a snack. The couch is COM-FY. She LOVES fast food, including McDonalds. Ice cream and desserts are her weakness. Don't LET Kristyn2 near the chocolate!! She will order a medium pizza and eat half for dinner and half for lunch the next day. She snacks mostly on processed foods - nothing too terrible (she doesn't keep it in the house - Kristyn1 doesn't let her), but granola bars are a main "grab and go" staple for her. Admittedly, days will go by without her eating a vegetable... oopsies. She takes a multivitamin to counteract these low times.. but knows how many phytochemicals she's missing out on, and feels badly about it.. but ignores the little voice in her head (I think the voice is Kristyn1). The voice is active during dinners out, weekly dates with friends where bad food is often available, when her husband suggests a "Friday night special" (don't be misled.. this is poutine). She is very good at ignoring the voice, yelling "free day!" and eating like it's a sport. Her wardrobe staple is yoga pants. Funny - when I started writing this I was thinking about how much I love (and currently miss Kristyn2) and her lazy ways, but seeing it all written down I kind of see how she's a seriously WORSE version of myself. But she does have a lot of fun, especially with bad influence friends..... :D
Since I was 15 years old I have fluctuated between these two Kristyns and haven't really been super at finding a balance. At 15, at the end of summer before grade 10 it was pointed out to me that I was at the "heavy end of normal". Ouch - that stung! I actually blushed while writing that - not a very nice thing to say to someone, and probably the root of my back and forth weight and alternating personas throughout history since!! I lost about 7 lbs in 2 weeks when I added exercise to my life and experimented with monitoring my calories. Haha - what I wouldn't do to get that teenage metabolism back! My high school girls and I (who we later found out had been dubbed "the blonde bitches"?! wtf lol. we were pretty nice!!!) ended up naming ourselves "The Fat Parade" after getting our licenses in grade 12 and driving our parents' car to a different fast food joint or restuarnt every single day. We all gained about 10 lbs that year! My mom was trying to lose 10 lbs herself and bet me $200 that she could beat me to it. I GRABBED on to the opportunity for competition (surprised?) and once again worked out, watched calories and only drank vodka (no beer!) that summer - 10 lbs in 6 weeks.. boom! But history sure does always repeat itself! I was up again by the end of high school. I lost weight unintentionally when I left my job at M&M Meat Shops and went away to university. Being a picky eater meant I was eating relatively small meals and not snacking much - coupled with no longer standing over top of the dessert samples all day long at my job, I lost 5 lbs without even trying! Let me be clear.. this has never happened again! By the end of first year those and a few more had come back and I challenged my mom to the same bet that summer. And beat her again. :P 10 lbs gone again. Holy yo-yo eh? This cycle would perpetuate itself over the next several years, and still is! My motivation has changed from betting my mom to wanting to stay a certain size and at a certain level of fitness and health (and not wanting to have to buy all new jeans..). But I obviously still have tons of issues to work through.
I lost 15 for my wedding last year and came back from Ireland, sure that it would be showing in the shape of beer and fried food pasted across my hips and stomach. But, must have been all the walking, I was somehow at the same weight. So for the first time in my life I made the goal of "maintaining my weight". And I was awesome! Working out a normal-like 3-4x/week, eating well without counting calories. And it worked. No big shock there. The only problem was....
Kristyn2. Like the villain in a horror film, she came back for my birthday and stuck around for Christmas! I couldn't even get rid of her come the new year, the usual time for Kristyn1 to shine! Kristyn1 has popped in on and off since the start of 2012 to try to get me/keep me on track. I'm happy to say I'm only up about 4 lbs since the wedding and working towards a goal of dropping those again and then moving on to maintenance to get it to work this time. My current motivation is finally being HOME for a few days (have been travelling for work most of this month) and also boomerang-ing after being so sick I could barely move for about 9 days at the beginning of March. That was Kristyn3 - immobile, yet annoyed about it! The past week has been lovely - hikes and walks outside, delish dinners, yummy protein packed lunches and snacks. When I'm on a high like this I wonder why my whole life can't be maintained with fitness, health and good eating habits. I have more questions than I do answers about the K1/K2 dichotomy. I can feel K2 lurking in the background. I'd be lying (and all my friends would be LAUGHING) if I said I'd never eat McDonalds again. But can there be a Kristyn 1.5 who eats the McDs but goes for a run that night and doesn't let it throw her off track??
I was reading a Val Frankel memoir (Thin is the New Happy - ironic title) over Christmas and she said the one thing I've read, the only thing I've ever identified with, that actually stuck with me as she has also yo-yo'd with her weight and healthy lifestyle over the years - paraphrased, she asked why when at her goal weight she felt totally unmotivated to keep going, maintain it, or even lose more. She pondered whether it was the loss of the challenge - without having a "goal weight" to work towards, what fun was there to it? She was a lot like me - REALLY GOOD for stretches of time - TERRIBLY BAD for others. With an end result of no real changes and not something you could define as "a healthy lifestyle". I'm happy that at the end of the book she had found a "no diet" diet that worked for her - eat, stop eating when you're full. Exercise when you can without overdoing it. That sounded amazing to me. So working towards THAT goal (aka. no goal) is my current goal.. if that makes any sense. :)
Kristyn2 is sorta messed up - it was cathartic writing about her. Kristyn1 can be a bit of a no-nonsense nutjob.. I think she could take it down a notch. So here's to finding the newly dubbed Kristyn1.5 - it's my goal for this year. To find her, become her, and stay her. No more yo-yo, but no reason I can't occasionally "fall off the wagon" of a healthy lifestyle, knowing it is pretty wonderful to get back on.
Maybe this rang a bell with some people - maybe not. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so tuned in to it all - I probably WOULD just eat, stop when I was full, and work out occasionally. Cheers to those who have figured it out - I hope to get there myself some day! To long and healthy life... and finding a Kristyn who can be at peace with it all. :)
EXERCISE!!
I had a wonderful 1 hour workout tonight (20 mins sprints on the treadmill, 30 mins weights, 10 mins stretching - learning to love stretching slowly but surely). It definitely helped put life in perspective and take my mind off things. And that brings me (eventually) to my point.. I was being Kristyn1 tonight. And man did I love it.
Kristyn1 is one active lady. Sometimes working out up to 5-6 times a week, doing a variety of things from marathon cardio sessions to intense interval work (elliptical, bike, treadmill - she's not picky!), as well as tons of strength training (Kristyn1 does her research and knows that muscle burns more calories just sitting there than flabby fat ever will!) - she likes bodyweight strength exercises (squats, lunges, push-ups) and is a fan of free weights (though only owns up to 20 lbs - which Jeff often does fake bicep curls with, faking intense effort.. what a meanie! :)). She makes a point to walk up and down the halls at work throughout the day and walk to the mailbox instead of stopping her car in front of it (yup, I def do that). She signs up for 5ks and actually trains for them. More than just exercise, Kristyn1 is a super cook! Trying all sorts of new, interesting recipes, and falling in love with a different new ingredient a week. On any given day her nightstand is littered with healthy recipes ripped out of the 2-3 health/well-being mags she reads per month. She precuts veggies and fruit and places them at eye level on the fridge so they're handy and accessible. She barely spends a cent as the week goes by because she makes every meal at home. She researches calorie info at restaurants before going to them so she knows what to order (and what NOT to order!). Kristyn1 sounds like the kind of girl I want to be!! Too bad she only ever shows up for 2 weeks, 1 month, maybe 2 months at a time. Inevitably she is always intermittently, reliably, unexpectedly, ruefully replaced with Kristyn2.
Ahh Kristyn2. She's all sorts of wrong, but I sure do love being her. She's been known to spend entire nights on the couch after a tough day at work. Seriously like 5:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m., maybe getting up for a shower and to grab a snack. The couch is COM-FY. She LOVES fast food, including McDonalds. Ice cream and desserts are her weakness. Don't LET Kristyn2 near the chocolate!! She will order a medium pizza and eat half for dinner and half for lunch the next day. She snacks mostly on processed foods - nothing too terrible (she doesn't keep it in the house - Kristyn1 doesn't let her), but granola bars are a main "grab and go" staple for her. Admittedly, days will go by without her eating a vegetable... oopsies. She takes a multivitamin to counteract these low times.. but knows how many phytochemicals she's missing out on, and feels badly about it.. but ignores the little voice in her head (I think the voice is Kristyn1). The voice is active during dinners out, weekly dates with friends where bad food is often available, when her husband suggests a "Friday night special" (don't be misled.. this is poutine). She is very good at ignoring the voice, yelling "free day!" and eating like it's a sport. Her wardrobe staple is yoga pants. Funny - when I started writing this I was thinking about how much I love (and currently miss Kristyn2) and her lazy ways, but seeing it all written down I kind of see how she's a seriously WORSE version of myself. But she does have a lot of fun, especially with bad influence friends..... :D
Since I was 15 years old I have fluctuated between these two Kristyns and haven't really been super at finding a balance. At 15, at the end of summer before grade 10 it was pointed out to me that I was at the "heavy end of normal". Ouch - that stung! I actually blushed while writing that - not a very nice thing to say to someone, and probably the root of my back and forth weight and alternating personas throughout history since!! I lost about 7 lbs in 2 weeks when I added exercise to my life and experimented with monitoring my calories. Haha - what I wouldn't do to get that teenage metabolism back! My high school girls and I (who we later found out had been dubbed "the blonde bitches"?! wtf lol. we were pretty nice!!!) ended up naming ourselves "The Fat Parade" after getting our licenses in grade 12 and driving our parents' car to a different fast food joint or restuarnt every single day. We all gained about 10 lbs that year! My mom was trying to lose 10 lbs herself and bet me $200 that she could beat me to it. I GRABBED on to the opportunity for competition (surprised?) and once again worked out, watched calories and only drank vodka (no beer!) that summer - 10 lbs in 6 weeks.. boom! But history sure does always repeat itself! I was up again by the end of high school. I lost weight unintentionally when I left my job at M&M Meat Shops and went away to university. Being a picky eater meant I was eating relatively small meals and not snacking much - coupled with no longer standing over top of the dessert samples all day long at my job, I lost 5 lbs without even trying! Let me be clear.. this has never happened again! By the end of first year those and a few more had come back and I challenged my mom to the same bet that summer. And beat her again. :P 10 lbs gone again. Holy yo-yo eh? This cycle would perpetuate itself over the next several years, and still is! My motivation has changed from betting my mom to wanting to stay a certain size and at a certain level of fitness and health (and not wanting to have to buy all new jeans..). But I obviously still have tons of issues to work through.
I lost 15 for my wedding last year and came back from Ireland, sure that it would be showing in the shape of beer and fried food pasted across my hips and stomach. But, must have been all the walking, I was somehow at the same weight. So for the first time in my life I made the goal of "maintaining my weight". And I was awesome! Working out a normal-like 3-4x/week, eating well without counting calories. And it worked. No big shock there. The only problem was....
Kristyn2. Like the villain in a horror film, she came back for my birthday and stuck around for Christmas! I couldn't even get rid of her come the new year, the usual time for Kristyn1 to shine! Kristyn1 has popped in on and off since the start of 2012 to try to get me/keep me on track. I'm happy to say I'm only up about 4 lbs since the wedding and working towards a goal of dropping those again and then moving on to maintenance to get it to work this time. My current motivation is finally being HOME for a few days (have been travelling for work most of this month) and also boomerang-ing after being so sick I could barely move for about 9 days at the beginning of March. That was Kristyn3 - immobile, yet annoyed about it! The past week has been lovely - hikes and walks outside, delish dinners, yummy protein packed lunches and snacks. When I'm on a high like this I wonder why my whole life can't be maintained with fitness, health and good eating habits. I have more questions than I do answers about the K1/K2 dichotomy. I can feel K2 lurking in the background. I'd be lying (and all my friends would be LAUGHING) if I said I'd never eat McDonalds again. But can there be a Kristyn 1.5 who eats the McDs but goes for a run that night and doesn't let it throw her off track??
I was reading a Val Frankel memoir (Thin is the New Happy - ironic title) over Christmas and she said the one thing I've read, the only thing I've ever identified with, that actually stuck with me as she has also yo-yo'd with her weight and healthy lifestyle over the years - paraphrased, she asked why when at her goal weight she felt totally unmotivated to keep going, maintain it, or even lose more. She pondered whether it was the loss of the challenge - without having a "goal weight" to work towards, what fun was there to it? She was a lot like me - REALLY GOOD for stretches of time - TERRIBLY BAD for others. With an end result of no real changes and not something you could define as "a healthy lifestyle". I'm happy that at the end of the book she had found a "no diet" diet that worked for her - eat, stop eating when you're full. Exercise when you can without overdoing it. That sounded amazing to me. So working towards THAT goal (aka. no goal) is my current goal.. if that makes any sense. :)
Kristyn2 is sorta messed up - it was cathartic writing about her. Kristyn1 can be a bit of a no-nonsense nutjob.. I think she could take it down a notch. So here's to finding the newly dubbed Kristyn1.5 - it's my goal for this year. To find her, become her, and stay her. No more yo-yo, but no reason I can't occasionally "fall off the wagon" of a healthy lifestyle, knowing it is pretty wonderful to get back on.
Maybe this rang a bell with some people - maybe not. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so tuned in to it all - I probably WOULD just eat, stop when I was full, and work out occasionally. Cheers to those who have figured it out - I hope to get there myself some day! To long and healthy life... and finding a Kristyn who can be at peace with it all. :)
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Oh TO
Just a little blog entry about my trip to Toronto this week. I can't remember a trip to Toronto for work that wasn't laden with mishap and this one was actually relatively calm in comparison - only one ridiculous story (I think.. my brain is pretty blurry. I was in TO conducting interviews for our summer internship program. 9 positions = 19 interviews = 2 very tired conservation biologists at the end of day 3!).
I thought I'd start with a roundup of some of my fond memories from my Toronto work trips over the past year or two. Ahh, memories.
- The time I walked into the parking garage stairwell at Yonge and Dundas to retrieve Jetta from it's $36/day parking spot, only to think "hmm.. something doesn't smell right". My eyes were treated to a sight as equally lovely as the smell wafting up the stairwell when I saw the guy passed out in a pile of his own vomit on the landing of the next level down. In true Toronto fashion, 2% of the other ppl in the stairwell gawked and covered their noses - 98% of the people walked by as if nothing was happening
- The time I was walking to dinner with Dawn and Melanie and we passed a dude muttering to himself as he walked down the street in the opposite direction. His eyes then locked on Dawn and without warning, he suddenly took a huge swing at her head, which she narrowly (but impressively) ducked. He continued on his way. The girls behind us asked mildly "did that guy try to hit you?" and 98% of the other people on the street just walked on by. Dawn, a TO native and returnee, recovered from the incident within seconds. I am still traumatized
- The time Dawn was showing me how to take the subway to get to our Toronto office. (Yes, this is embarassing to admit as a once-native of Toronto myself, but frig.. you get out of the habit of taking the thing and you can't remember which direction Yonge St. goes in! ;)) Dawn, taking a different route from her normal morning commute, directed us onto a subway car, only at the last minute to realize she had us going in the wrong direction. She deftly hopped off the train, just as the ominous "ding.. ding.. ding.." sounded. I scurried after her, saving myself from being crushed only by lifting my arms to stop the doors from closing on me - while wearing my pretty, just-cleaned white spring trench coat. It was no longer white after that..
- How about when I sneezed (into my sleeve, not grossly or anything) on the GO train near Union in 1' proximity to my 4 seatmates and 2 people standing in the aisle and not one person even flinched, nor bothered to say bless you. Toronto.. you so sweeeet....
So this week's trip was a pretty alright one. I took the GO in early Monday morning and watched the sun rise over Mississauga, the sky slowly changing from black to dusky to deep red to pink to orange to blue - fabulous! 10 minute delay getting into Union. Ok.. cutting it a bit close, but I should be ok. Then I got on the subway. I was comfortable in my seat by the window (I'm not so good with the planting my body weight in various directions to prevent toppling over, and I never seem to get to hold the pole when it's busy!) and having that weird feeling I forgot something at home. I started crafting my next door neighbour a text message to send when I was off the subway and had service, asking her to check if I'd closed the garage door and instructing her how to do so if I hadn't. I felt like I was still pretty far away from Eglinton (my stop) and wasn't 100% paying attention when I looked up, noticed the subway had stopped and saw "glinton" on the wall out the window. EFF!!!! I very gracefully yelled "OH SHIT! CAN I MAKE IT?" (who I was talking to I'm not sure). While tripping over my seatmate and trying to grab my bulging bags (can someone invent a system where you can simply press a button and have your bags travel through the space time continuum to arrive at your destination when you do? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!) I heard my favourite noise.. "ding... ding... ding", and, traumatized from the white coat incident of 2010, didn't try to make a mad dash through the doors. :( Ok fine.. I'll just go up to Lawrence, then hop back on the car going south. (Note: it's 8:13 and my first interview is at 8:30 and I have nothing set up and have all the interview materials in my bag.. my coworker is at the office with only his smile and a vague idea that we need to hire some people..). UMM the distance between Eglinton and Lawrence is ridiculously long compared to every other stop!!! I had a panicked three minutes (it's now 8:16), burst off the train onto the platform at Lawrence only to see the southbound car's doors closing. Ding... ding... ding.... FRRRRRIGGG!!! I waited completely impatiently.. another 3 minutes gone (it's now 8:19). The train pulls up, resembling nothing but a cattle car on the way to the slaughter house. Needing desperaely to find a handle so I didn't plunge into my fellow cows with every sway of the train, I went on my tippy toes and grabbed the bar above my head, snuggling up next to several strangers, one of whom breathed in my face for the next three minutes while I lost all feeling in my arm. Very cozy. Ride the train for another 3 mins (it's now 8:22...). Shuffle my way to the office which is luckily quite close to the stop - en route I send my neighbour the text (turns out the garage door was closed but the feeling was coming from having left the heat on for three days - my house helpfully warming and cooling itself for no one.. GREAT!). Burst into the office in a frenzy - so much of a frenzy that during the interview the candidate, describing a difficult time says "sometimes you just have those days - Kristyn knows what I mean". HAHA - HILARIOUS. No j/k, it was me who was making fun of myself and encouraging others to join me (but I'm still not hiring her ;)).
Only today did I remember my absolute favourite thing that happened whilst on the hectic subway ride Monday morning. We were at a stop, still pretty far downtown, and before my personal mayhem began I sat in my seat looking out the window at all the fancy people strolling by in their business formal best. I saw a lone pigeon on the bench on the platform. What are you doing in the underground subway, Mr. Pigeon!? Probably a common thing but he just looked so out of place to me. Then he hopped down off the bench just as a few people bustled past - I guess this freaked him out because he flew up midair in a flapping, winged frenzy. He wasn't actually going anywhere though, just sort of staying in one spot flapping, ironically right in the face of a fancy businessman. The businessman kept trying to walk around the flapping mess, trying to look unfazed. The pigeon seemed intent on staying right in front of his face. The whole thing probably only lasted 5 seconds, but that's an unbelievably long time to have a pigeon quite literally on your face. My only reaction was to laugh (trying to keep it quiet, not so good at that!) and once the business man freed himself from the pigeon's wings and continued on his way, our eyes locked and I'm sure he saw me laughing at his expense. But, in true Toronto style, he continued calmly on his way. I'm pretty sure my reaction in that situation would have been to turn in disbelief to the strangers around me and yell "DID YOU SEE THAT FREAKING BIRD?!". I am definitely not Toronto material anymore.....
I had decided to break in my new shoes on this trip. Some practical looking leather loafer type things for my many fancy meetings over the coming weeks. I didn't bring back-up shoes because my backpack and shoulder bag were already stuffed beyond the regulatory limits for public transit travel. By the time I reached the office Monday morning I had three blisters (including one blister through the preventative bandage I'd put on my heel - it was in the shape of the padded bandaid square.. that was a first!). By the time Monday evening rolled around and I'd walked the 10 mins to my hotel, I thought my feet were going to detach from my ankles and make a run for it. So instead of the nice dinner out I'd promised Dawn (which was NOT do-able with these feets) I asked if she would come to my hotel room so we could order pizza in bed. Very romantic! I'm not sure what was wrong with us, but we ate an entire medium pizza, the whole order of cinnastix and had to make a commercial-break trip to the vending machine for chocolate. The line of the night was "no judgement". No judgement!!!
Tuesday night was another delightful night with another delightful Dawn (coworker from previous job and simply wonderful lady). She was dear enough to find a restaurant between my office and hotel, so my feet didn't have to do too much extra walking! After 1 beer I was wasted and I can't even remember what we were talking about but I was laughing so hard I could hardly talk. Why I love DL! My brain was already into the garbled mush phase that accompanies too many interviews, so I was asleep within maybe 1 hour of the Biggest Loser ending last night.. what a loser I am! But it was a good solid 9 hours of sleep which I desperately needed. Packed up this morning, slipped my feet into my torture devices (now my big toenails were hurting and my little toes had turned entirely into blisters to match all the others decorating my feet), and repeated to myself "don't forget your coat, don't forget your coat". This was tricky because the 8C mornings and 17C afternoons were not exactly calling for my fall-weight new Danier leather coat with fur collar. Elevator down 6 floors. Check out. Walk outside. Think "hmm it's a bit nippy out here". Sigh. Turn around and ask the lady at the front desk if she can make me another room key.... urrrrgggghhhh........ Up 6 floors. Coat on. Good to go. My goodness.
The weather was so unbelievable - as I witnessed from the 6 cumulative minutes outside today. Too bad we didn't get to enjoy it a bit more, but hey we got some good candidates out of the process. One note about the interviews.. if someone is interviewing you and says "THIS IS A FUN QUESTION!" - get creative and have some fun! I asked my non-scientist husband the q: if he was the mascot at an invasive species event and he could dress up as any invasive species what would he be? After a moment of whining, he quickly described how he would create Dog-strangling Vine (my most hated) by maknig a dog costume then wrapping green vines around him and around his neck. I gave him full marks. I'll be PC and not say much more about some of the answers I heard to those questions, but I'll say that Jeff's was the best and I asked it 19 times in three days......... :S
All in all another silly but fun trip to TO. Montreal next week, so likely more Kristyn's-a-moron stories, maybe with a slight Quebecois accent this time! And hopefully more rebel birds - Pigeon Power!
I thought I'd start with a roundup of some of my fond memories from my Toronto work trips over the past year or two. Ahh, memories.
- The time I walked into the parking garage stairwell at Yonge and Dundas to retrieve Jetta from it's $36/day parking spot, only to think "hmm.. something doesn't smell right". My eyes were treated to a sight as equally lovely as the smell wafting up the stairwell when I saw the guy passed out in a pile of his own vomit on the landing of the next level down. In true Toronto fashion, 2% of the other ppl in the stairwell gawked and covered their noses - 98% of the people walked by as if nothing was happening
- The time I was walking to dinner with Dawn and Melanie and we passed a dude muttering to himself as he walked down the street in the opposite direction. His eyes then locked on Dawn and without warning, he suddenly took a huge swing at her head, which she narrowly (but impressively) ducked. He continued on his way. The girls behind us asked mildly "did that guy try to hit you?" and 98% of the other people on the street just walked on by. Dawn, a TO native and returnee, recovered from the incident within seconds. I am still traumatized
- The time Dawn was showing me how to take the subway to get to our Toronto office. (Yes, this is embarassing to admit as a once-native of Toronto myself, but frig.. you get out of the habit of taking the thing and you can't remember which direction Yonge St. goes in! ;)) Dawn, taking a different route from her normal morning commute, directed us onto a subway car, only at the last minute to realize she had us going in the wrong direction. She deftly hopped off the train, just as the ominous "ding.. ding.. ding.." sounded. I scurried after her, saving myself from being crushed only by lifting my arms to stop the doors from closing on me - while wearing my pretty, just-cleaned white spring trench coat. It was no longer white after that..
- How about when I sneezed (into my sleeve, not grossly or anything) on the GO train near Union in 1' proximity to my 4 seatmates and 2 people standing in the aisle and not one person even flinched, nor bothered to say bless you. Toronto.. you so sweeeet....
So this week's trip was a pretty alright one. I took the GO in early Monday morning and watched the sun rise over Mississauga, the sky slowly changing from black to dusky to deep red to pink to orange to blue - fabulous! 10 minute delay getting into Union. Ok.. cutting it a bit close, but I should be ok. Then I got on the subway. I was comfortable in my seat by the window (I'm not so good with the planting my body weight in various directions to prevent toppling over, and I never seem to get to hold the pole when it's busy!) and having that weird feeling I forgot something at home. I started crafting my next door neighbour a text message to send when I was off the subway and had service, asking her to check if I'd closed the garage door and instructing her how to do so if I hadn't. I felt like I was still pretty far away from Eglinton (my stop) and wasn't 100% paying attention when I looked up, noticed the subway had stopped and saw "glinton" on the wall out the window. EFF!!!! I very gracefully yelled "OH SHIT! CAN I MAKE IT?" (who I was talking to I'm not sure). While tripping over my seatmate and trying to grab my bulging bags (can someone invent a system where you can simply press a button and have your bags travel through the space time continuum to arrive at your destination when you do? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!) I heard my favourite noise.. "ding... ding... ding", and, traumatized from the white coat incident of 2010, didn't try to make a mad dash through the doors. :( Ok fine.. I'll just go up to Lawrence, then hop back on the car going south. (Note: it's 8:13 and my first interview is at 8:30 and I have nothing set up and have all the interview materials in my bag.. my coworker is at the office with only his smile and a vague idea that we need to hire some people..). UMM the distance between Eglinton and Lawrence is ridiculously long compared to every other stop!!! I had a panicked three minutes (it's now 8:16), burst off the train onto the platform at Lawrence only to see the southbound car's doors closing. Ding... ding... ding.... FRRRRRIGGG!!! I waited completely impatiently.. another 3 minutes gone (it's now 8:19). The train pulls up, resembling nothing but a cattle car on the way to the slaughter house. Needing desperaely to find a handle so I didn't plunge into my fellow cows with every sway of the train, I went on my tippy toes and grabbed the bar above my head, snuggling up next to several strangers, one of whom breathed in my face for the next three minutes while I lost all feeling in my arm. Very cozy. Ride the train for another 3 mins (it's now 8:22...). Shuffle my way to the office which is luckily quite close to the stop - en route I send my neighbour the text (turns out the garage door was closed but the feeling was coming from having left the heat on for three days - my house helpfully warming and cooling itself for no one.. GREAT!). Burst into the office in a frenzy - so much of a frenzy that during the interview the candidate, describing a difficult time says "sometimes you just have those days - Kristyn knows what I mean". HAHA - HILARIOUS. No j/k, it was me who was making fun of myself and encouraging others to join me (but I'm still not hiring her ;)).
Only today did I remember my absolute favourite thing that happened whilst on the hectic subway ride Monday morning. We were at a stop, still pretty far downtown, and before my personal mayhem began I sat in my seat looking out the window at all the fancy people strolling by in their business formal best. I saw a lone pigeon on the bench on the platform. What are you doing in the underground subway, Mr. Pigeon!? Probably a common thing but he just looked so out of place to me. Then he hopped down off the bench just as a few people bustled past - I guess this freaked him out because he flew up midair in a flapping, winged frenzy. He wasn't actually going anywhere though, just sort of staying in one spot flapping, ironically right in the face of a fancy businessman. The businessman kept trying to walk around the flapping mess, trying to look unfazed. The pigeon seemed intent on staying right in front of his face. The whole thing probably only lasted 5 seconds, but that's an unbelievably long time to have a pigeon quite literally on your face. My only reaction was to laugh (trying to keep it quiet, not so good at that!) and once the business man freed himself from the pigeon's wings and continued on his way, our eyes locked and I'm sure he saw me laughing at his expense. But, in true Toronto style, he continued calmly on his way. I'm pretty sure my reaction in that situation would have been to turn in disbelief to the strangers around me and yell "DID YOU SEE THAT FREAKING BIRD?!". I am definitely not Toronto material anymore.....
I had decided to break in my new shoes on this trip. Some practical looking leather loafer type things for my many fancy meetings over the coming weeks. I didn't bring back-up shoes because my backpack and shoulder bag were already stuffed beyond the regulatory limits for public transit travel. By the time I reached the office Monday morning I had three blisters (including one blister through the preventative bandage I'd put on my heel - it was in the shape of the padded bandaid square.. that was a first!). By the time Monday evening rolled around and I'd walked the 10 mins to my hotel, I thought my feet were going to detach from my ankles and make a run for it. So instead of the nice dinner out I'd promised Dawn (which was NOT do-able with these feets) I asked if she would come to my hotel room so we could order pizza in bed. Very romantic! I'm not sure what was wrong with us, but we ate an entire medium pizza, the whole order of cinnastix and had to make a commercial-break trip to the vending machine for chocolate. The line of the night was "no judgement". No judgement!!!
Tuesday night was another delightful night with another delightful Dawn (coworker from previous job and simply wonderful lady). She was dear enough to find a restaurant between my office and hotel, so my feet didn't have to do too much extra walking! After 1 beer I was wasted and I can't even remember what we were talking about but I was laughing so hard I could hardly talk. Why I love DL! My brain was already into the garbled mush phase that accompanies too many interviews, so I was asleep within maybe 1 hour of the Biggest Loser ending last night.. what a loser I am! But it was a good solid 9 hours of sleep which I desperately needed. Packed up this morning, slipped my feet into my torture devices (now my big toenails were hurting and my little toes had turned entirely into blisters to match all the others decorating my feet), and repeated to myself "don't forget your coat, don't forget your coat". This was tricky because the 8C mornings and 17C afternoons were not exactly calling for my fall-weight new Danier leather coat with fur collar. Elevator down 6 floors. Check out. Walk outside. Think "hmm it's a bit nippy out here". Sigh. Turn around and ask the lady at the front desk if she can make me another room key.... urrrrgggghhhh........ Up 6 floors. Coat on. Good to go. My goodness.
The weather was so unbelievable - as I witnessed from the 6 cumulative minutes outside today. Too bad we didn't get to enjoy it a bit more, but hey we got some good candidates out of the process. One note about the interviews.. if someone is interviewing you and says "THIS IS A FUN QUESTION!" - get creative and have some fun! I asked my non-scientist husband the q: if he was the mascot at an invasive species event and he could dress up as any invasive species what would he be? After a moment of whining, he quickly described how he would create Dog-strangling Vine (my most hated) by maknig a dog costume then wrapping green vines around him and around his neck. I gave him full marks. I'll be PC and not say much more about some of the answers I heard to those questions, but I'll say that Jeff's was the best and I asked it 19 times in three days......... :S
All in all another silly but fun trip to TO. Montreal next week, so likely more Kristyn's-a-moron stories, maybe with a slight Quebecois accent this time! And hopefully more rebel birds - Pigeon Power!
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Minnesota Wild Times
This week I had the interesting experience of heading to International Falls, Minnesota for a conference on Lake of the Woods - an amazing and beautiful lake and surrounding wildnerness my organization is committed to helping conserve. My personal favourite lake ever because American White Pelicans are as abundant as gulls are on the lakes in southwestern Ontario. I was excited to learn about some of the latest scientific research being done on the lake and signed up for the conference within minutes of receiving the notification. Trying to plan the logistics of the trip ($700 flights to I-Falls with Bearskin.. ummm), and realizing I'd just agreed to go to northy middle of nowhere in late winter, I gave a bit of a gulp - but whatever! I can handle anything! This is the girl who drives 500 km without blinking an eye or taking a break up and down the TransCanada where cell phone reception becomes a thing of the civilized world and I'm left alone with nothing but eagles and solitude. Done and done! I'm in! I found the least-weird flight times to Thunder Bay (10 p.m. Tuesday night and 4 p.m. Friday.. k) and booked a rental car for the drive to Fort Frances, ON where I'd cross the border to International Falls.
My flight left Toronto on Tuesday night at 9:50. Anyone who knows me knows that I basically never land flights which actually take off when scheduled - I carry the curse of the delay! And I fly at least 6-8x a year, so it gets old pretty fast. I ended up in the seat beside the woman who held up our plane running from her connection - and she was very nice - and Jeff and I recently held up a plane in England running to make our connection (http://www.sincerelygoofy.blogspot.com/2012/01/ireland-first-12-hours.html) so what am I going to say! Thankfully my good friend Pam had recommended a good read, so equipped with my Kobo and some teenage angst (you have to guess what book ;)) we flew through the evening sky to Thunder Bay and I was there before I knew it. And tucked into bed by 12:30 - knowing I had to get up at 7. So of course I didn't fall asleep until almost 2 (is there any other way?) and woke up freezing at 6 as my rad had turned off in the middle of the night.. and I never truly fell back asleep.. so with 4 hours of sleep under my belt I was ready to face the 350 km drive from Thunder Bay to Fort Frances. The conference began at 12 so there was definitely no time to spare! Of course I didn't tell that to the room service guy who showed up late with my breakfast (I ate a Belgian waffle with my hands.. very classy.. plastic knife and fork were taking too long).. and I didn't think it as I scraped the thick layer of "hey it's actually winter here" ice off my rental car. Question: why do rental companies provide basically a wooden toothbrush and call it your "snow brush"? After scraping some fine lines over and over again in some key areas on my windshield - off I went!
And it was a lovely drive. A cinnamon coloured American Mink scampered across my path on Hwy 11 (which runs straight west from Thunder Bay passing through Quetico Prov Park - see map). Go buddy go! I saw the unmistakable flash of white above me and craned my neck to observe a gorgeous Bald Eagle soaring overhead. Frantic groupings of what I think were Common Redpolls consistently swept their tiny bodies just in front of my windshield, darting up at the last minute. I was in wildlife-lover's paradise as I drove. Good tunes.. sun shining.. making great time.. cruise control in my brand new VW Passat rental.. alright!!!
Then Northwestern Ontario remembered it was.. Northwestern Ontario. There was the snow. At first just a few flakes, making me think it might be a fluke. Nope. Full on blizzard for the last 1.5 hours of my drive which caused whiteouts, had me squinting to see, and as I drove over Rainy Lake for the first time ever, I turned my head to see an unmistakable blank white canvas - couldn't make out the lake from the sky from the land. SIGH! Bummer for sure.
In no time I reached the Canada/ U.S. border. Which is going down in my books as the weirdest border crossing ever. There were multitudes of train tracks criss-crossing the area just beyond the bridge to the customs booth, and more train tracks on the other side of the booth. And a smell... an unmistakable majorly stinky smell that made me actually recoil when I rolled down my window to talk to the border guard. Rental car NOT taken apart as seems to be protocol when crossing at Rainy River/Baudette, MN so that was a nice surprise. Later I googled "international falls stinks" and this was the first thing that popped up on the screen: "International Falls smells like poo though. Seriously. There is some plant in town that makes the entire town smell like an aging armpit with BO sauce all over." Well put. I almost felt sorry for the border guards. Well, when I wasn't dodging 3-4 car tiny remote controlled trains randomly running across the tracks that could easily crash into a car lined up to go through the border.. who designed this place?!
I won't linger on the conference details (I'm sure no one else finds Spiny Waterflea (aquatic invasive species) and Lake of the Woods water control causing nest failure for loons interesting.. I did! was fun being a science geek again instead of a property manager, for a few days anyways :)). My ass hurt incredibly from 2 straight days of doing nothing but sitting. Met tons of really nice ppl. And I ate. Omg did I eat. First day lunch was make your own sandwiches on pieces of bread literally (yes literally) the size of my head - about 3x the size of a normal sandwich. Delish!! Cookies at the break. And dinner, when I wasn't even hungry for it, was fried chicken, chicken satay, and fresh rolls with whipped butter. Oddest meal ever. So delicious! Next morning's breakfast was FRESH BAKED HOME MADE cinnamon buns, once again nearing the size of my face. It was hard not to eat 2! And donuts, coffee, and fruit and yogurt to make you feel bad about not making the healthy choice. ;) Lunch was battered Walleye (as long as my forearm! maybe not literally..), homefries, more of the crazy yum rolls and whipped butter, and then a selection of desserts that made me want to cry with joy. Moist brownies dripping with chocolate frosting.. peanut butter rice krispie squares, heavy on the pb and iced with chocolate.. I may have had 3. Obviously I'm my own worst enemy at conferences. Dinner plate sized cookies on break, and a hit of coffee to keep me awake through the late afternoon modeling session (models are dull.. there I said it!). I was STUFFED when I returned to my super weird hotel room, but still managed to decide it was a better idea to order pizza to my hotel room than brave the blizzard outside that had been raging now on and off for 2 straight days to find healthy fare. Dominoes in the U.S. is broken. Has anyone HAD the thin crust pizza? It sounded like the lighter option ("thin" crust :P) so I went for it. First of all, the "small" pizza was the size of one of my hotel pillows. Second of all the crust tasted like it had been made entirely of lard, baked in oil, with a side of shortening. I ended up throwing out half the giant pizza and feeling massively sick the rest of the night. Lesson learned for being a lazy bum! But really, the weather and the design of where I was staying made any outdoor exercise next to impossible. The conference was held at the college right across the "highway" (big street) from my hotel. But, being the U.S., as I've found, it was not conducive to walking. No sidewalks.. no crosswalk.. basically if you wanted to cross the street you had to scrape your car (with your Avis-appointed jumbo toothbrush) of a 1" thick layer of frosty ice in -16C temps, and then climb into the car, drive the 27 seconds to the college, and repeat at the end of the day after eventually locating your snow-buried vehicle. Very environmentally friendly, good for the heart.. all of that. ;) Though scraping the ice was like a cardio workout. And just getting over an insanely bad cough, my lungs expressed their gratitude with sharp burning and painful coughing: "thanks Kristyn, you biotch! p.s. it's 12C at home today!" they yelled at me.
By Friday morning, I was ready to GO. My icky hotel room had gotten the better of me (stench of pizza - my own fault, slimy bathtub - not my fault, world's loudest radiator that did nothing to warm the room - not my fault, tantalizing window view of the roof of the hotel and a dingy utility door - again not my fault). I huffed down a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the lobby (yum!) and then was on my way home!! No, who am I kidding. I was scraping my car for 5-7 minutes, then climbing in the freeze-mobile and slowly making my way back up the highway to the stinky border. Window frozen shut. Toll lady and border man appreciated that I'm sure (toll lady almost fell out of her booth trying to get me my change). In Fort Frances I knew I had to stop for gas, having noted no gas stations for 3 hours along the highway. Full serve - ya! Chip card - go inside to pay - boo! What is the point of full serve if I have to get out of my car!?!?
Drive home was gorgeous, sunny, uneventful - perfect! Saw Rainy Lake. Ice covered, but gorgeous as I imagined it. Saw FIVE bald eagles. Did not almost get run off the road by any logging trucks. Wondered about the people walking along the side of the desolate highway in the middle of nowhere.. but they seemed content enough. No moose :( - NWO owes me moose. Made it to my fave restaurant in T-Bay for my fave chicken wrap before returning my filthy but best-rental-car-ever. And now onto the real journey home, which was to culminate with dinner with my hubby in the airport, as he was flying out of Pearson on a business trip about 3 hours after I landed. Or was supposed to land...
Because my flight was delayed. I actually laughed when I heard it I'm getting so used to it. And because the WestJet lady said "..sorry to have to keep you that much longer in Thunder Bay". Poor T-Bay gets no love! We took off almost 45 mins late, but made good time otherwise and then I burst off the plane and ran through the airport to the bag carousel, on the phone with Jeff while we tried to track each other down. Of course the carousel was not moving. And didn't start moving for 15 mins. I felt like running around it in circles I was so eager to get out of there and see Jeff. One day I may do this for real.. stay tuned. Just looks like it would be a fun adventure. FINALLY get the bag. Ok where is Jeff? Jeff is still learning about airports, obviously, and was eagerly standing outside of the "international arrivals" baggage claim waiting for me. :P After 5 minutes of frantic walking and talking, we found each other.. embraced.. had a romantic (truncated) dinner at Terminal 1 Subway and said a somewhat teary goodbye. I was ready for an easy journey home where I could stretch out my legs, wallow over my missing hubs, and catch up on my tv watching.
On the link train, travelling from Terminal 1 to long term parking, I am juggling my three exploding bags in the stuffed train car and trying to keep my wheely bag from falling over when I hear my phone ringing. Expecting it to be my mushy man calling for one last goodbye, I pick it up - it's my dad, trying to plan a get together this weekend. I tell him "I really can't talk right now!". After finally explaining where I am (through a series of call waiting beeps - it was mushy Jeff on the other line, and text message "dings!" - it was Dawn, wanting to talk about the Bachelor), I get rid of everyone. One more "ding" to indicate a voicemail from mushy Jeff. I call him back and say "LET ME CALL YOU IN 10 MINS" as the train lurches to a stop. Dawn's last text says ominously "welcome home to arctic conditions". I think "please - I was just in northern Minnesota, I'm unfazed by Toronto 'winter'". I exit the train station to be basically be blown over by the freezing cold essentially arctic winds. At least I was better off than the guy I walked with who had just flown in from Atlanta and I think was actually crying as he described the 75F temps that afternoon. Get the ticket. Pay the paystation. Get in the car. Get the heck out of there and onto the 407 where I can fly home, traffic and hassle free.
OF COURSE IT STARTS TO SNOW. Exiting the 401 at Guelph Line all of a sudden I'm in a frigging white out where I can't see anything and am driving well under the speed limit along with other tentative drivers.. for half an hour... ok.. Hwy 7.. almost there.. wow that's a lot of blowing snow.. GET ME HOME! Jones Baseline, a small back country road I have to drive on for literally (literally) 3 mins is completely white with no other tire tracks on the road and intermittent whiteouts from the surrounding fields. When I finally pulled into my garage the sense of "AHHHH I'm home" was the most tangible I've experienced to date. A fine trip, a great trip, but man oh man there is nothing like a night in your pjs watching pvr'd TV and dozing off in a quiet, warm, cozy place to make you never want to leave again.
Too bad I have a business trip out of town basically every week for the rest of spring. Ah well. What would I write about otherwise? :)
My flight left Toronto on Tuesday night at 9:50. Anyone who knows me knows that I basically never land flights which actually take off when scheduled - I carry the curse of the delay! And I fly at least 6-8x a year, so it gets old pretty fast. I ended up in the seat beside the woman who held up our plane running from her connection - and she was very nice - and Jeff and I recently held up a plane in England running to make our connection (http://www.sincerelygoofy.blogspot.com/2012/01/ireland-first-12-hours.html) so what am I going to say! Thankfully my good friend Pam had recommended a good read, so equipped with my Kobo and some teenage angst (you have to guess what book ;)) we flew through the evening sky to Thunder Bay and I was there before I knew it. And tucked into bed by 12:30 - knowing I had to get up at 7. So of course I didn't fall asleep until almost 2 (is there any other way?) and woke up freezing at 6 as my rad had turned off in the middle of the night.. and I never truly fell back asleep.. so with 4 hours of sleep under my belt I was ready to face the 350 km drive from Thunder Bay to Fort Frances. The conference began at 12 so there was definitely no time to spare! Of course I didn't tell that to the room service guy who showed up late with my breakfast (I ate a Belgian waffle with my hands.. very classy.. plastic knife and fork were taking too long).. and I didn't think it as I scraped the thick layer of "hey it's actually winter here" ice off my rental car. Question: why do rental companies provide basically a wooden toothbrush and call it your "snow brush"? After scraping some fine lines over and over again in some key areas on my windshield - off I went!
And it was a lovely drive. A cinnamon coloured American Mink scampered across my path on Hwy 11 (which runs straight west from Thunder Bay passing through Quetico Prov Park - see map). Go buddy go! I saw the unmistakable flash of white above me and craned my neck to observe a gorgeous Bald Eagle soaring overhead. Frantic groupings of what I think were Common Redpolls consistently swept their tiny bodies just in front of my windshield, darting up at the last minute. I was in wildlife-lover's paradise as I drove. Good tunes.. sun shining.. making great time.. cruise control in my brand new VW Passat rental.. alright!!!
 |
| My Journey by Car |
Then Northwestern Ontario remembered it was.. Northwestern Ontario. There was the snow. At first just a few flakes, making me think it might be a fluke. Nope. Full on blizzard for the last 1.5 hours of my drive which caused whiteouts, had me squinting to see, and as I drove over Rainy Lake for the first time ever, I turned my head to see an unmistakable blank white canvas - couldn't make out the lake from the sky from the land. SIGH! Bummer for sure.
In no time I reached the Canada/ U.S. border. Which is going down in my books as the weirdest border crossing ever. There were multitudes of train tracks criss-crossing the area just beyond the bridge to the customs booth, and more train tracks on the other side of the booth. And a smell... an unmistakable majorly stinky smell that made me actually recoil when I rolled down my window to talk to the border guard. Rental car NOT taken apart as seems to be protocol when crossing at Rainy River/Baudette, MN so that was a nice surprise. Later I googled "international falls stinks" and this was the first thing that popped up on the screen: "International Falls smells like poo though. Seriously. There is some plant in town that makes the entire town smell like an aging armpit with BO sauce all over." Well put. I almost felt sorry for the border guards. Well, when I wasn't dodging 3-4 car tiny remote controlled trains randomly running across the tracks that could easily crash into a car lined up to go through the border.. who designed this place?!
I won't linger on the conference details (I'm sure no one else finds Spiny Waterflea (aquatic invasive species) and Lake of the Woods water control causing nest failure for loons interesting.. I did! was fun being a science geek again instead of a property manager, for a few days anyways :)). My ass hurt incredibly from 2 straight days of doing nothing but sitting. Met tons of really nice ppl. And I ate. Omg did I eat. First day lunch was make your own sandwiches on pieces of bread literally (yes literally) the size of my head - about 3x the size of a normal sandwich. Delish!! Cookies at the break. And dinner, when I wasn't even hungry for it, was fried chicken, chicken satay, and fresh rolls with whipped butter. Oddest meal ever. So delicious! Next morning's breakfast was FRESH BAKED HOME MADE cinnamon buns, once again nearing the size of my face. It was hard not to eat 2! And donuts, coffee, and fruit and yogurt to make you feel bad about not making the healthy choice. ;) Lunch was battered Walleye (as long as my forearm! maybe not literally..), homefries, more of the crazy yum rolls and whipped butter, and then a selection of desserts that made me want to cry with joy. Moist brownies dripping with chocolate frosting.. peanut butter rice krispie squares, heavy on the pb and iced with chocolate.. I may have had 3. Obviously I'm my own worst enemy at conferences. Dinner plate sized cookies on break, and a hit of coffee to keep me awake through the late afternoon modeling session (models are dull.. there I said it!). I was STUFFED when I returned to my super weird hotel room, but still managed to decide it was a better idea to order pizza to my hotel room than brave the blizzard outside that had been raging now on and off for 2 straight days to find healthy fare. Dominoes in the U.S. is broken. Has anyone HAD the thin crust pizza? It sounded like the lighter option ("thin" crust :P) so I went for it. First of all, the "small" pizza was the size of one of my hotel pillows. Second of all the crust tasted like it had been made entirely of lard, baked in oil, with a side of shortening. I ended up throwing out half the giant pizza and feeling massively sick the rest of the night. Lesson learned for being a lazy bum! But really, the weather and the design of where I was staying made any outdoor exercise next to impossible. The conference was held at the college right across the "highway" (big street) from my hotel. But, being the U.S., as I've found, it was not conducive to walking. No sidewalks.. no crosswalk.. basically if you wanted to cross the street you had to scrape your car (with your Avis-appointed jumbo toothbrush) of a 1" thick layer of frosty ice in -16C temps, and then climb into the car, drive the 27 seconds to the college, and repeat at the end of the day after eventually locating your snow-buried vehicle. Very environmentally friendly, good for the heart.. all of that. ;) Though scraping the ice was like a cardio workout. And just getting over an insanely bad cough, my lungs expressed their gratitude with sharp burning and painful coughing: "thanks Kristyn, you biotch! p.s. it's 12C at home today!" they yelled at me.
By Friday morning, I was ready to GO. My icky hotel room had gotten the better of me (stench of pizza - my own fault, slimy bathtub - not my fault, world's loudest radiator that did nothing to warm the room - not my fault, tantalizing window view of the roof of the hotel and a dingy utility door - again not my fault). I huffed down a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the lobby (yum!) and then was on my way home!! No, who am I kidding. I was scraping my car for 5-7 minutes, then climbing in the freeze-mobile and slowly making my way back up the highway to the stinky border. Window frozen shut. Toll lady and border man appreciated that I'm sure (toll lady almost fell out of her booth trying to get me my change). In Fort Frances I knew I had to stop for gas, having noted no gas stations for 3 hours along the highway. Full serve - ya! Chip card - go inside to pay - boo! What is the point of full serve if I have to get out of my car!?!?
Drive home was gorgeous, sunny, uneventful - perfect! Saw Rainy Lake. Ice covered, but gorgeous as I imagined it. Saw FIVE bald eagles. Did not almost get run off the road by any logging trucks. Wondered about the people walking along the side of the desolate highway in the middle of nowhere.. but they seemed content enough. No moose :( - NWO owes me moose. Made it to my fave restaurant in T-Bay for my fave chicken wrap before returning my filthy but best-rental-car-ever. And now onto the real journey home, which was to culminate with dinner with my hubby in the airport, as he was flying out of Pearson on a business trip about 3 hours after I landed. Or was supposed to land...
Because my flight was delayed. I actually laughed when I heard it I'm getting so used to it. And because the WestJet lady said "..sorry to have to keep you that much longer in Thunder Bay". Poor T-Bay gets no love! We took off almost 45 mins late, but made good time otherwise and then I burst off the plane and ran through the airport to the bag carousel, on the phone with Jeff while we tried to track each other down. Of course the carousel was not moving. And didn't start moving for 15 mins. I felt like running around it in circles I was so eager to get out of there and see Jeff. One day I may do this for real.. stay tuned. Just looks like it would be a fun adventure. FINALLY get the bag. Ok where is Jeff? Jeff is still learning about airports, obviously, and was eagerly standing outside of the "international arrivals" baggage claim waiting for me. :P After 5 minutes of frantic walking and talking, we found each other.. embraced.. had a romantic (truncated) dinner at Terminal 1 Subway and said a somewhat teary goodbye. I was ready for an easy journey home where I could stretch out my legs, wallow over my missing hubs, and catch up on my tv watching.
On the link train, travelling from Terminal 1 to long term parking, I am juggling my three exploding bags in the stuffed train car and trying to keep my wheely bag from falling over when I hear my phone ringing. Expecting it to be my mushy man calling for one last goodbye, I pick it up - it's my dad, trying to plan a get together this weekend. I tell him "I really can't talk right now!". After finally explaining where I am (through a series of call waiting beeps - it was mushy Jeff on the other line, and text message "dings!" - it was Dawn, wanting to talk about the Bachelor), I get rid of everyone. One more "ding" to indicate a voicemail from mushy Jeff. I call him back and say "LET ME CALL YOU IN 10 MINS" as the train lurches to a stop. Dawn's last text says ominously "welcome home to arctic conditions". I think "please - I was just in northern Minnesota, I'm unfazed by Toronto 'winter'". I exit the train station to be basically be blown over by the freezing cold essentially arctic winds. At least I was better off than the guy I walked with who had just flown in from Atlanta and I think was actually crying as he described the 75F temps that afternoon. Get the ticket. Pay the paystation. Get in the car. Get the heck out of there and onto the 407 where I can fly home, traffic and hassle free.
OF COURSE IT STARTS TO SNOW. Exiting the 401 at Guelph Line all of a sudden I'm in a frigging white out where I can't see anything and am driving well under the speed limit along with other tentative drivers.. for half an hour... ok.. Hwy 7.. almost there.. wow that's a lot of blowing snow.. GET ME HOME! Jones Baseline, a small back country road I have to drive on for literally (literally) 3 mins is completely white with no other tire tracks on the road and intermittent whiteouts from the surrounding fields. When I finally pulled into my garage the sense of "AHHHH I'm home" was the most tangible I've experienced to date. A fine trip, a great trip, but man oh man there is nothing like a night in your pjs watching pvr'd TV and dozing off in a quiet, warm, cozy place to make you never want to leave again.
Too bad I have a business trip out of town basically every week for the rest of spring. Ah well. What would I write about otherwise? :)
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
One Woman's Quest for a Bodybugg
Well, if the weird title didn't catch your eye, the story of my quest may keep your attention. Because, as usual, it's full of hijinx, starring our ridiculous heroine Kristyn. What is she the hero of? That part I'm not sure.. maybe hijinx..
So what the hell is a bodybugg? If anyone watches the Biggest Loser, they already know! It's that armband you see strapped to all the contestants (though I think they switched technology this season) that estimates the number of calories burned each day - the same thing you used to see on the Jenny Craig Metabolic Max Commericals. It's the neatest little device! When I was on my quest to lose weight before my wedding (a shockingly unique concept, I realize) I downed Biggest Loser episodes like a replacement for my beloved cookies. After hearing Jillian and Bob say enough times "did you reach your burn?" (referencing the contestant's bodybuggs which were linked to watches they wore to show ongoing calorie output) I decided I must get in on this technology. Research proved that there was science behind it - it measures moisture, temperature, heat flux, movement, and has something in it called an accelerometer (yes!) and in scientific studies it had been proven to estimate calories burned within 90% accuracy, as it also knows a bunch of stuff about you like your height, weight, age, etc. If you're not on the Biggest Loser and can't afford the watch technology (though I think it also will output to fancier smartphones) then at the end of the day you just plug it into a computer and it tells you the (hopefully) happy news - you burned 2500 calories today - that equals another 1/4" off your butt! :) Further research proved that it was only affordably available in the states - the cheapest one I could grab in ONLY Toronto was about $400 - ahh! At the U.S. Costco website I found it was on sale for an incredible $129. With a week off in the middle of March last year, determined to have a Biggest Loser Week (where I too would exercise 6 hrs a day and eat 1200 calories.. thereby dropping at least 5 lbs.. ah.. hahahahaha... let my laughter be the report on how that went!), I needed a bodybugg! I became obsessed. Where was the closest Costco if I crossed over in NY - no, the gas price would blow my margins.. hmmm... then wait.. a visit was planned to see Jeff's mom in Watford, near Sarnia.. perfect! We could go early, I could pop across the border at the Bluewater Bridge, hoof it over to Costco (in some Michigan town which I swear was called Shelbyville..), and be back in time for dinner that night, bodybugg in hand! I packed a decoy gym bag which I could stash in it.. I was ready!
Apparently an innocent looking blonde lady sitting all by herself in the huge Saturday border line up was a bit suspicious looking. I noticed the border guards staring at me. They had a drug-sniffing dog with them, which was an adorable German Shepherd that I couldn't help smiling at - cute doggy!!! That was the last straw. Next thing I knew they were knocking on my window. "Ma'am... what's your purpose of going to the states today?" Ok so I'm a terrible liar.. so I went MOST of the truth.. "just grabbing a bite and doing a little shopping" (both true). "Alone?" "Well.. my fiance is with the in-laws and we have dinner plans with them.. didn't want to... you know.. spend 6 hours with the in-laws.." (mostly untrue..). The border guard's face was stoic. "Ma'am, can you open your trunk please. And put the car in PARK." Eep. Next thing I know the cute doggy is in my trunk, sniffing around. And the border guard began 21 questions: "Where are you from?" "Why are you going to the states again?" "How long are you staying?" "Do you have any prescription medication in the car?" (awkward answer: "uhh.. birth control..." followed by him awkwardly blushing.. I never know how to answer this and am constantly asked at the border, esp up in Minnesota when I cross for work.. am I supposed to lie to the consistently male guards!?!?) "Where is your fiance from?" (answer: "Watford, which I'm sure you, like most of the world has never heard of") "Are you meeting anyone on the other side of the border?" "What do you do for a living?" "Are you carrying any tobacco, alcohol, or recreational drugs in the car?" .. honestly.. this just went on FOREVER. Finally my trunk shut, the guy gave me an approving "thanks, you can go" and I was off. My awkward honesty never fails at getting me out of sticky spots! Plus the fact that I wasn't doing anything wrong yet.. actually being innocent helps.
Ok. I'm across. Time to get on the highway. Woohoo! Immediately a car passes me, loaded to the brim with a rickety jenga tower worth of furniture - in the open back of a pick up truck. I remember the huge brown armchair, wobbling in the wind, very clearly. I immediately moved into the right lane and let this speedy makeshift moving truck maniac past me. Bungee cords and tarps are out of the question in Michigan! Get me away from this guy. 10 minutes later I'm driving along doing about 100 km/hr in the left lane, presumably singing and chuckling about my drug dog incident, when the guy in front of me brakes wildly and swerves into the right lane. Now, coming up quickly to the front of my car is.. you guessed it.. one large, stationary brown chair, sitting in the middle of the highway! AHHH!! Check my right blind spot - not clear.. AHHH!!! Chair getting closer.. my brakes are squealing. Luckily blind spot man speeds up enough to clear a space behind him so I can quickly get over without horrendously cutting anyone off. The car behind me sees the chair a moment late and ends up squealing off the road into the grassy shoulder on the left. HOLY SH*T. A moment later, I pass the pulled over truck o' idiots and unleashed a barrage of what, to them, must have looked like the climax of a silent movie with lots of motioning and mouth moving but no noise coming out (my window was up). There were middle fingers, a flurry of four letter words spouting from my lips and an enraged, demon-like look in my eyes. It was two 20 something girls who actually did look horrified and regretful. Lesson learned for them for next time: bungee cords are your friend when moving.
Back on my merry way, I navigated to where I needed to be. Shelbyville (?) Costco was PACKED! I started panicking in the electronics section - where was the BUGG!? I'd even called in advance to make sure they had some in stock that morning. AH! Found it. Line up was, no joke, 20 people. At each cash. WTF was going on in Shelbyville. Lucky for me it wasn't a run on bodybuggs. I paid with my credit card, bought some granola bars as a decoy (I really do love the reduced sugar peanut butter chip Chewy bars they only sell in the states - a Cedar Point staple!) on a separate bill, ate my extra greasy McDonalds, ditched the packaging on my bugg, stuck it in the gym bag, and headed back on my way across the border.
I usually love the Canadian border, epecially in Sarnia. Too bad this guy was a bit grumpy. I guess I was feeling "what else could go wrong" and had a bit of trouble convincing him I'd crossed the border for lunch, shopping and come back with only a jumbo-sized pack of granola bars. But after only a minute (nothing compared to my morning..), I was free to go.
Status update on the bugg: it's an amazing tool! It was the angel on my shoulder during that Biggest Loser Week, pushing me to go harder and faster on the treadmill, or bang out a few extra reps - because I'd have to answer to THE BUGG that night. It was a great learning experience to see which of my regular exercises were calorie torchers (treadmill sprints - pictured below @ 8:45 p.m.; elliptical at medium resistance) and which were a bit weaker (rowing machine, power yoga). I lost a total of only 1.5 lbs that week, but more importantly had a ton of fun with my week off, being active outdoors and at the gym. Love the Bugg! My free year-long subscription to the online service is about to run out, but truth be told I don't use it that much anymore. I mostly just know that walking around while at work can double the amount of calories my stationary ass usually burns during the winter months; to hop on the elliptical for 40 mins if I had a free day that lasted a week; and to not expect much from power yoga except stretching and mindful breathing!!
I'm sure the technology has come down in price since last year, so definitely a fun tool for anyone looking to be more mindful about calories in/calories out (the scientific equation that equals weight loss :)). I lost 16 lbs last year, much thanks to my little friend to opening my eyes to efficient exercises! I just hope you don't have to go through what I did to get it! ;) Border tip: bring a friend and don't smile at the doggy. Highway tip: listen to your gut to avoid certain vehicles (and don't FORGET you're avoiding them when a good song comes on the radio...).
So what the hell is a bodybugg? If anyone watches the Biggest Loser, they already know! It's that armband you see strapped to all the contestants (though I think they switched technology this season) that estimates the number of calories burned each day - the same thing you used to see on the Jenny Craig Metabolic Max Commericals. It's the neatest little device! When I was on my quest to lose weight before my wedding (a shockingly unique concept, I realize) I downed Biggest Loser episodes like a replacement for my beloved cookies. After hearing Jillian and Bob say enough times "did you reach your burn?" (referencing the contestant's bodybuggs which were linked to watches they wore to show ongoing calorie output) I decided I must get in on this technology. Research proved that there was science behind it - it measures moisture, temperature, heat flux, movement, and has something in it called an accelerometer (yes!) and in scientific studies it had been proven to estimate calories burned within 90% accuracy, as it also knows a bunch of stuff about you like your height, weight, age, etc. If you're not on the Biggest Loser and can't afford the watch technology (though I think it also will output to fancier smartphones) then at the end of the day you just plug it into a computer and it tells you the (hopefully) happy news - you burned 2500 calories today - that equals another 1/4" off your butt! :) Further research proved that it was only affordably available in the states - the cheapest one I could grab in ONLY Toronto was about $400 - ahh! At the U.S. Costco website I found it was on sale for an incredible $129. With a week off in the middle of March last year, determined to have a Biggest Loser Week (where I too would exercise 6 hrs a day and eat 1200 calories.. thereby dropping at least 5 lbs.. ah.. hahahahaha... let my laughter be the report on how that went!), I needed a bodybugg! I became obsessed. Where was the closest Costco if I crossed over in NY - no, the gas price would blow my margins.. hmmm... then wait.. a visit was planned to see Jeff's mom in Watford, near Sarnia.. perfect! We could go early, I could pop across the border at the Bluewater Bridge, hoof it over to Costco (in some Michigan town which I swear was called Shelbyville..), and be back in time for dinner that night, bodybugg in hand! I packed a decoy gym bag which I could stash in it.. I was ready!
Apparently an innocent looking blonde lady sitting all by herself in the huge Saturday border line up was a bit suspicious looking. I noticed the border guards staring at me. They had a drug-sniffing dog with them, which was an adorable German Shepherd that I couldn't help smiling at - cute doggy!!! That was the last straw. Next thing I knew they were knocking on my window. "Ma'am... what's your purpose of going to the states today?" Ok so I'm a terrible liar.. so I went MOST of the truth.. "just grabbing a bite and doing a little shopping" (both true). "Alone?" "Well.. my fiance is with the in-laws and we have dinner plans with them.. didn't want to... you know.. spend 6 hours with the in-laws.." (mostly untrue..). The border guard's face was stoic. "Ma'am, can you open your trunk please. And put the car in PARK." Eep. Next thing I know the cute doggy is in my trunk, sniffing around. And the border guard began 21 questions: "Where are you from?" "Why are you going to the states again?" "How long are you staying?" "Do you have any prescription medication in the car?" (awkward answer: "uhh.. birth control..." followed by him awkwardly blushing.. I never know how to answer this and am constantly asked at the border, esp up in Minnesota when I cross for work.. am I supposed to lie to the consistently male guards!?!?) "Where is your fiance from?" (answer: "Watford, which I'm sure you, like most of the world has never heard of") "Are you meeting anyone on the other side of the border?" "What do you do for a living?" "Are you carrying any tobacco, alcohol, or recreational drugs in the car?" .. honestly.. this just went on FOREVER. Finally my trunk shut, the guy gave me an approving "thanks, you can go" and I was off. My awkward honesty never fails at getting me out of sticky spots! Plus the fact that I wasn't doing anything wrong yet.. actually being innocent helps.
Ok. I'm across. Time to get on the highway. Woohoo! Immediately a car passes me, loaded to the brim with a rickety jenga tower worth of furniture - in the open back of a pick up truck. I remember the huge brown armchair, wobbling in the wind, very clearly. I immediately moved into the right lane and let this speedy makeshift moving truck maniac past me. Bungee cords and tarps are out of the question in Michigan! Get me away from this guy. 10 minutes later I'm driving along doing about 100 km/hr in the left lane, presumably singing and chuckling about my drug dog incident, when the guy in front of me brakes wildly and swerves into the right lane. Now, coming up quickly to the front of my car is.. you guessed it.. one large, stationary brown chair, sitting in the middle of the highway! AHHH!! Check my right blind spot - not clear.. AHHH!!! Chair getting closer.. my brakes are squealing. Luckily blind spot man speeds up enough to clear a space behind him so I can quickly get over without horrendously cutting anyone off. The car behind me sees the chair a moment late and ends up squealing off the road into the grassy shoulder on the left. HOLY SH*T. A moment later, I pass the pulled over truck o' idiots and unleashed a barrage of what, to them, must have looked like the climax of a silent movie with lots of motioning and mouth moving but no noise coming out (my window was up). There were middle fingers, a flurry of four letter words spouting from my lips and an enraged, demon-like look in my eyes. It was two 20 something girls who actually did look horrified and regretful. Lesson learned for them for next time: bungee cords are your friend when moving.
Back on my merry way, I navigated to where I needed to be. Shelbyville (?) Costco was PACKED! I started panicking in the electronics section - where was the BUGG!? I'd even called in advance to make sure they had some in stock that morning. AH! Found it. Line up was, no joke, 20 people. At each cash. WTF was going on in Shelbyville. Lucky for me it wasn't a run on bodybuggs. I paid with my credit card, bought some granola bars as a decoy (I really do love the reduced sugar peanut butter chip Chewy bars they only sell in the states - a Cedar Point staple!) on a separate bill, ate my extra greasy McDonalds, ditched the packaging on my bugg, stuck it in the gym bag, and headed back on my way across the border.
I usually love the Canadian border, epecially in Sarnia. Too bad this guy was a bit grumpy. I guess I was feeling "what else could go wrong" and had a bit of trouble convincing him I'd crossed the border for lunch, shopping and come back with only a jumbo-sized pack of granola bars. But after only a minute (nothing compared to my morning..), I was free to go.
Status update on the bugg: it's an amazing tool! It was the angel on my shoulder during that Biggest Loser Week, pushing me to go harder and faster on the treadmill, or bang out a few extra reps - because I'd have to answer to THE BUGG that night. It was a great learning experience to see which of my regular exercises were calorie torchers (treadmill sprints - pictured below @ 8:45 p.m.; elliptical at medium resistance) and which were a bit weaker (rowing machine, power yoga). I lost a total of only 1.5 lbs that week, but more importantly had a ton of fun with my week off, being active outdoors and at the gym. Love the Bugg! My free year-long subscription to the online service is about to run out, but truth be told I don't use it that much anymore. I mostly just know that walking around while at work can double the amount of calories my stationary ass usually burns during the winter months; to hop on the elliptical for 40 mins if I had a free day that lasted a week; and to not expect much from power yoga except stretching and mindful breathing!!
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| I called this screen cap "what Jeff did to me" when I used his personal training prowess to force me through some treadmill sprints at 10 mph! I sent it to my dad, who replied, "don't let him kill you". |
Friday, 3 February 2012
Wondering How I'm Still Alive
I am, once again, waiting desperately for spring. Spring is the time when field biologists get to shine once again. Early morning birding! Evening frog call surveys! Vegetation community classification (="sweet wetland!" = "this forest is very dense, I am stuck in it!" = "what the heck kind of tree is THAT?"), the ultimate gruelling educational, trying, satisfying approach to making sense of the natural world. Hikes.. what I do for fun, I'm getting paid for? Playing with super high tech GPS equipment to navigate around, and using my compass when that fails, making me feel like a fairly awesome old timey explorer. I eagerly await spring plants on their journey out of the ground. I nibble at wild raspberries in the heat of summer. I always get to eat lunch at THE most beautiful places in the world. Yes.. spring and summer as a field biologist is FUN! It keeps me going. But oh my goodness.. it is rife with trouble. Hijinx?! ME!? But of course! Thought I would share a few of my fave anecdotes from my 7+ years in the field of conservation biology.
- This past summer I got to survey the interior of an amazing island property in the middle of nowhere. Only problem is, this island is 5,000 acres, of the toughest terrain I've ever walked. Trying to make it 1 km inland, my coworker declared: 20 minutes, tops! 2 hours later we finally hit an inland lake, our destination, and looked at each other in fear. Trying to pick our way out, spruce and fir trees bitch slapped us across the knees, the arms, the face. Their stabby limbs which grow from ground to crown and point out at sharp angles from the bark were like thousands of angry intertwined knives, pointed straight at me for days on end. The whole team did an impressive job of each taking a branch in the eye at some key moment on the journey. Sometimes a branch would slyly hook its curled brown finger under a loop on your backpack, causing you to reel backwards into its waiting, pointy arms when you tried to move forward. The moss covered interior of the moist coastal environment was a maze of green carpet that felt like walking on a cloud. Sometimes, a moss covered fallen tree was the perfect balance beam. Sometimes, it was "non-tree", eaten away by moisture and natural decomposition processes. There is nothing weirder than suddenly finding yourself up to your knee in a tree stump.
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| Moss carpet |
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| Ewwww..... |
My spirit, if I could photograph THAT in my hotel room, would probably have looked similar. But when this is where you get to eat lunch, and what you get to boat around, and how you're spending your Tuesday afternoon, you sort of just shut up about it and take it all in.
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| Shoreline View |
- Also this past year I had the pleasure (?) of surveying a property that was entirely wetland habitat. But not so much that you could just say "it's a wetland, see ya!" - there were swamps. Marshes. Open water pools. Fens. Occasional pockets of upland forest, just to dry off your feet. At one point in this 100 acre wetland I found myself knee keep in an alder swamp (a tall shrub that tends to grow in thickets - so picture that dense forest I described, but covered in standing water and with thinner branches growing even more tightly together). I was holding on to branches above my head, and feeling my feet sink deeper in deeper as they hopelessly searched for a branch or root to hold on to. My backpack full of electronic field gear moved closer and closer to the water... my coworker tried to point out places to stand, but if I let go of my hands, tightly clutching other alder branches above my head, I would surely fall backwards, and my rubber boots were sinking swiftly and deeply into muck that didn't seem to have a bottom. We managed to find our way out of the thicket, only to enter an open marsh.. which my coworker decided to explore.. and began sinking.. pack of electronic equipment sinking closer and closer to the surface of the water.. she took a step forward and was up to her hip. Why was her instinct to take ANOTHER step forward. I performed some sort of fireman rescue, hooking my feet into sturdy branches on dry land and we got her out of there. This went on for about 2 days. I love wetlands.. don't let anyone tell you differently... ................
- One summer I was tasked with taking a super high up, government head honcho lady out on an inspection of a property. She wanted to experience "a day in the field". Back in 2009 before I carried my emergency satellite messenger which sends check in/check out messages and can contact police and local rescue groups with the push of a button; before I had an electronic GPS; and on a day I didn't bring a compass... I followed maps. Rough hand drawn trail marked out on a map of a 200 acre property.. got it!!! We started on a jaunt that would take about 1 hour. 2 hours later we were wandering hopelessly around the backwoods, dense, isolated forest of this property and the head honcho, I think, perhaps, was starting to lose faith in me. I could make out a building in the distance - could it be... were we back at the house? No way.. we were way too far north.. that much I knew. We came upon a house buried in the MIDDLE OF THE WOODS, that a shirtless man made his way out of and squinted at us: "can I help you?". We gingerly explained our situation.. he eyed us up warily and explained just how far off course we were. Not wanting to end up in a Gretel and Gretel situation, we hightailed it out of there, backtracked the way we'd came and made it (the LONG way) back to the front of the property. Sure am glad that dude wasn't in a murder-y kind of mood that day.. would have been tough to explain to the feds... (the federal government that is...) GULP
- In 2008 I finally learned how to hop fences. After doing it wrong for the LAST TIME. I never got the concept of putting my foot down on the other side of the fence equal height to where the first foot was on the starting side of the fence. I always wanted to "go big or go home" and stretch that leading foot onto the ground. On my way to watch a prescribed burn, with a total stranger who I'd met 5 minutes before, we realized we'd have to hop a fence to get to where we needed to go. I boldly led! This story ends with me dangling by my leg upside down, my calf hooked on the top of the fence. I swear I haven't done that since.. I swear!
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| Fence Dangling Was Worth it.. |
- 2011 was the year of ticks. I came home from one field visit literally crawling in hundreds of deer ticks (oh yep, the ones that carry Lyme disease). I'd somehow walked into a NEST of them on a property on Georgian Bay and no amount of flicking and picking would get them off my field clothes!!! Also that summer, in northwestern Ontario, a local resident picked one off my neck ("oh Kristyn, you had a wood tick on you.. watch out"). I went back to my hotel that night with a sinking feeling. Tick searches involve stripping down naked in front of a mirror (or a loving partner.. and hopefully not ever a coworker) and inspecting every inch of yourself for dark spots that look out of the ordinary. Wood (or dog) ticks are a little easier to spot, they're about half the size of your pinky fingernail. Very very easy to see when you peek behind your ear and find one buried half under your skin, sucking your blood. AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes - that was my reaction. In my thin-walled hotel. No one even came to see if the girl who was being murdered was ok. I managed to remove my attacker after several attempts (he was IN THERE!) with a sharp flick of my fingernail. I learned another lesson there - don't put ticks in the garbage can. FLUSH THEM. I was revisited by my ear-loving friend and several of his brothers for the remainder of my stay in that place. My apologies to whoever checked in next......
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| End of Day in Deer Tick Country |
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| Lunch in Wood Tick Country |
- Conducting research for my master's project in 2006 was SO COOL. I was alone in the field, left to my own devices, my own boss, and I was going to SAVE this forest!!! Of course I had to put one of my experimental plots on a hill with a 75 degree slope. It was a balancing act and calf workout not for the faint of heart. And at least three times I ended up losing my footing and tumbling down that hill head over feet, like a cartoon character, winding up at the bottom with the wind knocked out of me. As I said I was alone, with only ME to laugh at me. But don't worry.. I did. And so did my roommate Jay when I'd make it home at night.. and for several years afterwards.
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| The (beautiful) plot of terror |
- Working as an undergrad research assistant on a master's project in 2005 was a summer of awesome experience. It was the year of the roses. Literally, I was working with a few species of roses, and trust me when I say every rose has its thorn... After a particularly gruelling week of desexing and tying tiny labels onto roses, up to my elbows in prickly bushes, but "manning up" and going with it, I looked like I cut myself recreationally. Under flourescent lights, the cuts up and down my forearms were nearly glowing in contrast to my pale skin. My friend Jay ditched me in the liquor store "ah! Kristyn, I can't look at you! You're disgusting!" The cashier took one look at my arms and gasped. I ducked my head, took my money and my four pack of Keiths (that's how we rolled that year) and my emotional cutter arms to the bar, where it was a little dimmer at least.
- In 2010, while walking into a site to apply pesticides to a population of invasive Dog-strangling Vine, I noticed a big steaming pile of black bear poop. Uh oh. It was bear cub season as well = angry moms. But the DSV had to die. So I sprayed. At one point I heard a distinct low growling noise. My coworker was a few hundreds meters away from me, outside of the forest I was working in, so I was essentially alone. I couldn't see anything, but my survival instincts kicked in. What are your survival instincts? Mine, apparently, are to sing at the top of my lungs. I had Drake's "Find Your Love" in my head... so out it come. "I BETTER FIND YOUR LOVE... I BETTER FIND YOUR HEART...." <-- in a shaky, terror-voice. I saw another pile o' poop on my way out that day, but decided the bears had been sufficiently terrified with my singing to stay away. Let's hope that keeps happening!
So what was I saying about looking forward to field season..........? Let's hope I come out alive again in 2012!
Friday, 27 January 2012
Paranormal Activity & Abnormal Behaviour
So I LOVE horror movies. Oh and I'm also TERRIFIED of horror movies. I am the jumpiest person in the world, scared crapless when someone surprises me in the printer room at work (all they have to do is be IN the printer room for me to jump and gasp.. they always seem somewhat wounded by my reaction..), hiding my head under the blankets when shadows look at me funny, nightmares that often wake me up in sheer terror - stomach churning, etc. Yet I seek out horror! I'm a roller coaster addict who thinks a 90 degree drop is barely enough.. 420' in the air? Bring it! I scream like an asshole at the top of these rides and shake like a leaf, pretty much every time. But always want MORE! My friend Viv and I have been seeing every horror movie that has come out since we met in 2005 - we scream together, laugh at ourselves, holding each other, jumping out of our skin. It's fun, it's hilarious, it's mildly terrifying. But deeply psychologically scary horror movies get to me in a different sort of way when I leave the theatre.... Some people get scared by gore, by killers, aliens, whatever. None of that really does it for me (I might jump at a surprise, but won't feel scared in the dark aftewards). Psychological horror movies leave me terrified in regular life, and the effects LINGER! Blair Witch Project in grade 11 was about the worst idea ever (full credit to ADRIENNE! :)) - compunded when I had to take the bus home after my friends got off and then walk late at night along dark Scarborough streets by myself. For AT LEAST 6 years afterwards the woods at night terrified me. I didn't get scared like that again until The Ring. My tv in university glowed at night and I would have to have my head under the blanket (as above) to fall asleep. Then I was ok again for some time. Until a few years back when Viv and I went to see Paranormal Activity - not really knowing what to expect. Terror. Fabulous, unadulterated terror. We actually screamed out loud at the ending, then burst out laughing at ourselves.. probably my fave part of being scared, and why I'm addicted to it: ADRENALINE!!
This is the story of Paranormal Activity (the original).
I was driving that night and Viv and I discussed the movie in high pitched terror all the way back to her house ("remember when THIS happened?!" "how she like SNIFFED his body after she killed him!?" "remember her DEMON VOICE when she said 'everything's fine' or whatever?! AUGH!"). In her driveway we had switched the convo to our next get together. For a split second my eyes passed over Viv's shoulder where her neighbour was on his porch, presumably just coming home, or taking out the garbage, or something to that effect. Viv saw my eyes move, turned in her seat and upon seeing the figure (which was at least 20' from the car and not even looking at us) screamed and ducked into her lap, covering her head with her hands. I laughed for about 5 mins straight, not being able to get that image out of my head. Then as I wove through the dark streets of Guelph's east end, the fear crept into me.. demons. Scary bad demons. I called Dawn so she could laugh at me, which would for sure calm me down, but I couldn't get ahold of her. I called Jeff to say "I'm coming home and you better have all the lights on!". But Jeff was still at the gym. Uh oh.
Now in my car in my garage and unable to go inside after watching a movie where a demon haunts a couple entirely within their own home, nay, THEIR BEDROOM, I called my parents' place in a panic. My dad picked up and drily humoured me for a few minutes while I sat in the car. I told him "THIS MOVIE WAS SO SCARY! I can't go inside! Jeff isn't home! I can't go in there and be all alone!!" "Uh-huh. Ok Kristyn. You're weird." At that moment the light on the garage door opener flicked off after it's four minutes of remaining on after the garage opens or closes. Logically I know this is what happened. In my head: demon. I started screaming, murder-esque, into the phone and bolted into the house as fast as I could. My dad had pretty much had it by this point - he told me to turn on the lights, no demon, you're ridiculous, etc. etc. Then let me go. WHAT! So in a rock-climbing fashion I moved through the house, turning each light on before I entered the room and only turning it off when my path ahead was fully illuminated. I was living in a wee townhouse at the time, but the journey to my bedroom was epic. Once in my room I felt completely unsafe.. bedrooms are where demons HANG OUT!!!!!!!!! Dawn called back, luckily, and with my coat still on I pulled the hood up, crawled under the covers and talked to her in terror until Jeff got home. He found me in the fetal position in bed and proceeded to make fun of me for awhile. Seeing how scared I was, he relented, got into bed with me, lights ablaze and talked to me as I was way too hyped up to sleep. Every dark corner held a demon. Nowhere was safe!!!!!
I tried to turn the lights off to fall asleep around 12 a.m. - NO DICE!!!! Lights back on. I yammered incessantly to Jeff until 2 in the morning - sadly I'm not exaggerating. 2009 Jeff was very understanding and stayed up listening to me blather about nothing, distracting myself from thoughts of demons and the eventual darkness that would occur. I suspect 2012 Jeff would not be so patient....... :P I let poor Jeff go to sleep at 2 a.m. and eventually, distracted enough by reading, fell asleep myself with the lights on. I woke up at 5 to blinding light and manned up enough to turn off the lamps and sleep through the rest of the night.
But I was haunted. For months afterwards, every dark room held demons. I would challenge the demons to come out when I heard a weird noise ("let's do this! show yourself!!"). Then I'd try not to think about demons, because that's what gets them fired up, as I learned from my very reliable source: Paranormal Activity 1. Jeff watched it with me on DVD and stared in disbelief at me when it was over: "THAT was what you were so scared about?!". When we were in the process of breaking into our house daily as it was being built, we heard a ridiculous noise coming from the basement - distracting white-noise like (much like demons use when they're up to no good, you know). I made Jeff go down first and he reported that they were heating the basement to dry the concrete that had been poured and the noise was coming from a little gas-powered heater/fire thing. So I ventured down after him. In Paranormal Activity, the couple puts baby powder across the floor to see if something is walking there - what emerges are very distinct demon footprints the next morning. AUGH! So of course on this night, as I walk into the eerily-lit basement aglow with fire and damp and dark with newly poured concrete THIS is what I see:
Come on now!!!!!!!!!!!! :( I didn't spent much time down there that night.
Somehow I've continued to watch the Paranormal Activity series - just watched #3 tonight on the couch with Viv where I gripped her foot so tightly during the scary parts that she may have lost a toe or two. Viv thinks the part where the guy's wife bursts out of the closet in a scary mask to freak him out was the best - Dave, fair warning that you better check your closets closely!!!!!!
After Viv left I turned on every light in the house (of course), and went straight to my bright computer to write this entry. And Jeff just got home (PHEW!) - so I'm outtie!!! I'm going to stop drinking water now so I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. cuz... you know....demons and all..........
This is the story of Paranormal Activity (the original).
I was driving that night and Viv and I discussed the movie in high pitched terror all the way back to her house ("remember when THIS happened?!" "how she like SNIFFED his body after she killed him!?" "remember her DEMON VOICE when she said 'everything's fine' or whatever?! AUGH!"). In her driveway we had switched the convo to our next get together. For a split second my eyes passed over Viv's shoulder where her neighbour was on his porch, presumably just coming home, or taking out the garbage, or something to that effect. Viv saw my eyes move, turned in her seat and upon seeing the figure (which was at least 20' from the car and not even looking at us) screamed and ducked into her lap, covering her head with her hands. I laughed for about 5 mins straight, not being able to get that image out of my head. Then as I wove through the dark streets of Guelph's east end, the fear crept into me.. demons. Scary bad demons. I called Dawn so she could laugh at me, which would for sure calm me down, but I couldn't get ahold of her. I called Jeff to say "I'm coming home and you better have all the lights on!". But Jeff was still at the gym. Uh oh.
Now in my car in my garage and unable to go inside after watching a movie where a demon haunts a couple entirely within their own home, nay, THEIR BEDROOM, I called my parents' place in a panic. My dad picked up and drily humoured me for a few minutes while I sat in the car. I told him "THIS MOVIE WAS SO SCARY! I can't go inside! Jeff isn't home! I can't go in there and be all alone!!" "Uh-huh. Ok Kristyn. You're weird." At that moment the light on the garage door opener flicked off after it's four minutes of remaining on after the garage opens or closes. Logically I know this is what happened. In my head: demon. I started screaming, murder-esque, into the phone and bolted into the house as fast as I could. My dad had pretty much had it by this point - he told me to turn on the lights, no demon, you're ridiculous, etc. etc. Then let me go. WHAT! So in a rock-climbing fashion I moved through the house, turning each light on before I entered the room and only turning it off when my path ahead was fully illuminated. I was living in a wee townhouse at the time, but the journey to my bedroom was epic. Once in my room I felt completely unsafe.. bedrooms are where demons HANG OUT!!!!!!!!! Dawn called back, luckily, and with my coat still on I pulled the hood up, crawled under the covers and talked to her in terror until Jeff got home. He found me in the fetal position in bed and proceeded to make fun of me for awhile. Seeing how scared I was, he relented, got into bed with me, lights ablaze and talked to me as I was way too hyped up to sleep. Every dark corner held a demon. Nowhere was safe!!!!!
I tried to turn the lights off to fall asleep around 12 a.m. - NO DICE!!!! Lights back on. I yammered incessantly to Jeff until 2 in the morning - sadly I'm not exaggerating. 2009 Jeff was very understanding and stayed up listening to me blather about nothing, distracting myself from thoughts of demons and the eventual darkness that would occur. I suspect 2012 Jeff would not be so patient....... :P I let poor Jeff go to sleep at 2 a.m. and eventually, distracted enough by reading, fell asleep myself with the lights on. I woke up at 5 to blinding light and manned up enough to turn off the lamps and sleep through the rest of the night.
But I was haunted. For months afterwards, every dark room held demons. I would challenge the demons to come out when I heard a weird noise ("let's do this! show yourself!!"). Then I'd try not to think about demons, because that's what gets them fired up, as I learned from my very reliable source: Paranormal Activity 1. Jeff watched it with me on DVD and stared in disbelief at me when it was over: "THAT was what you were so scared about?!". When we were in the process of breaking into our house daily as it was being built, we heard a ridiculous noise coming from the basement - distracting white-noise like (much like demons use when they're up to no good, you know). I made Jeff go down first and he reported that they were heating the basement to dry the concrete that had been poured and the noise was coming from a little gas-powered heater/fire thing. So I ventured down after him. In Paranormal Activity, the couple puts baby powder across the floor to see if something is walking there - what emerges are very distinct demon footprints the next morning. AUGH! So of course on this night, as I walk into the eerily-lit basement aglow with fire and damp and dark with newly poured concrete THIS is what I see:
Come on now!!!!!!!!!!!! :( I didn't spent much time down there that night.
Somehow I've continued to watch the Paranormal Activity series - just watched #3 tonight on the couch with Viv where I gripped her foot so tightly during the scary parts that she may have lost a toe or two. Viv thinks the part where the guy's wife bursts out of the closet in a scary mask to freak him out was the best - Dave, fair warning that you better check your closets closely!!!!!!
After Viv left I turned on every light in the house (of course), and went straight to my bright computer to write this entry. And Jeff just got home (PHEW!) - so I'm outtie!!! I'm going to stop drinking water now so I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. cuz... you know....demons and all..........
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