So what the hell is a bodybugg? If anyone watches the Biggest Loser, they already know! It's that armband you see strapped to all the contestants (though I think they switched technology this season) that estimates the number of calories burned each day - the same thing you used to see on the Jenny Craig Metabolic Max Commericals. It's the neatest little device! When I was on my quest to lose weight before my wedding (a shockingly unique concept, I realize) I downed Biggest Loser episodes like a replacement for my beloved cookies. After hearing Jillian and Bob say enough times "did you reach your burn?" (referencing the contestant's bodybuggs which were linked to watches they wore to show ongoing calorie output) I decided I must get in on this technology. Research proved that there was science behind it - it measures moisture, temperature, heat flux, movement, and has something in it called an accelerometer (yes!) and in scientific studies it had been proven to estimate calories burned within 90% accuracy, as it also knows a bunch of stuff about you like your height, weight, age, etc. If you're not on the Biggest Loser and can't afford the watch technology (though I think it also will output to fancier smartphones) then at the end of the day you just plug it into a computer and it tells you the (hopefully) happy news - you burned 2500 calories today - that equals another 1/4" off your butt! :) Further research proved that it was only affordably available in the states - the cheapest one I could grab in ONLY Toronto was about $400 - ahh! At the U.S. Costco website I found it was on sale for an incredible $129. With a week off in the middle of March last year, determined to have a Biggest Loser Week (where I too would exercise 6 hrs a day and eat 1200 calories.. thereby dropping at least 5 lbs.. ah.. hahahahaha... let my laughter be the report on how that went!), I needed a bodybugg! I became obsessed. Where was the closest Costco if I crossed over in NY - no, the gas price would blow my margins.. hmmm... then wait.. a visit was planned to see Jeff's mom in Watford, near Sarnia.. perfect! We could go early, I could pop across the border at the Bluewater Bridge, hoof it over to Costco (in some Michigan town which I swear was called Shelbyville..), and be back in time for dinner that night, bodybugg in hand! I packed a decoy gym bag which I could stash in it.. I was ready!
Apparently an innocent looking blonde lady sitting all by herself in the huge Saturday border line up was a bit suspicious looking. I noticed the border guards staring at me. They had a drug-sniffing dog with them, which was an adorable German Shepherd that I couldn't help smiling at - cute doggy!!! That was the last straw. Next thing I knew they were knocking on my window. "Ma'am... what's your purpose of going to the states today?" Ok so I'm a terrible liar.. so I went MOST of the truth.. "just grabbing a bite and doing a little shopping" (both true). "Alone?" "Well.. my fiance is with the in-laws and we have dinner plans with them.. didn't want to... you know.. spend 6 hours with the in-laws.." (mostly untrue..). The border guard's face was stoic. "Ma'am, can you open your trunk please. And put the car in PARK." Eep. Next thing I know the cute doggy is in my trunk, sniffing around. And the border guard began 21 questions: "Where are you from?" "Why are you going to the states again?" "How long are you staying?" "Do you have any prescription medication in the car?" (awkward answer: "uhh.. birth control..." followed by him awkwardly blushing.. I never know how to answer this and am constantly asked at the border, esp up in Minnesota when I cross for work.. am I supposed to lie to the consistently male guards!?!?) "Where is your fiance from?" (answer: "Watford, which I'm sure you, like most of the world has never heard of") "Are you meeting anyone on the other side of the border?" "What do you do for a living?" "Are you carrying any tobacco, alcohol, or recreational drugs in the car?" .. honestly.. this just went on FOREVER. Finally my trunk shut, the guy gave me an approving "thanks, you can go" and I was off. My awkward honesty never fails at getting me out of sticky spots! Plus the fact that I wasn't doing anything wrong yet.. actually being innocent helps.
Ok. I'm across. Time to get on the highway. Woohoo! Immediately a car passes me, loaded to the brim with a rickety jenga tower worth of furniture - in the open back of a pick up truck. I remember the huge brown armchair, wobbling in the wind, very clearly. I immediately moved into the right lane and let this speedy makeshift moving truck maniac past me. Bungee cords and tarps are out of the question in Michigan! Get me away from this guy. 10 minutes later I'm driving along doing about 100 km/hr in the left lane, presumably singing and chuckling about my drug dog incident, when the guy in front of me brakes wildly and swerves into the right lane. Now, coming up quickly to the front of my car is.. you guessed it.. one large, stationary brown chair, sitting in the middle of the highway! AHHH!! Check my right blind spot - not clear.. AHHH!!! Chair getting closer.. my brakes are squealing. Luckily blind spot man speeds up enough to clear a space behind him so I can quickly get over without horrendously cutting anyone off. The car behind me sees the chair a moment late and ends up squealing off the road into the grassy shoulder on the left. HOLY SH*T. A moment later, I pass the pulled over truck o' idiots and unleashed a barrage of what, to them, must have looked like the climax of a silent movie with lots of motioning and mouth moving but no noise coming out (my window was up). There were middle fingers, a flurry of four letter words spouting from my lips and an enraged, demon-like look in my eyes. It was two 20 something girls who actually did look horrified and regretful. Lesson learned for them for next time: bungee cords are your friend when moving.
Back on my merry way, I navigated to where I needed to be. Shelbyville (?) Costco was PACKED! I started panicking in the electronics section - where was the BUGG!? I'd even called in advance to make sure they had some in stock that morning. AH! Found it. Line up was, no joke, 20 people. At each cash. WTF was going on in Shelbyville. Lucky for me it wasn't a run on bodybuggs. I paid with my credit card, bought some granola bars as a decoy (I really do love the reduced sugar peanut butter chip Chewy bars they only sell in the states - a Cedar Point staple!) on a separate bill, ate my extra greasy McDonalds, ditched the packaging on my bugg, stuck it in the gym bag, and headed back on my way across the border.
I usually love the Canadian border, epecially in Sarnia. Too bad this guy was a bit grumpy. I guess I was feeling "what else could go wrong" and had a bit of trouble convincing him I'd crossed the border for lunch, shopping and come back with only a jumbo-sized pack of granola bars. But after only a minute (nothing compared to my morning..), I was free to go.
Status update on the bugg: it's an amazing tool! It was the angel on my shoulder during that Biggest Loser Week, pushing me to go harder and faster on the treadmill, or bang out a few extra reps - because I'd have to answer to THE BUGG that night. It was a great learning experience to see which of my regular exercises were calorie torchers (treadmill sprints - pictured below @ 8:45 p.m.; elliptical at medium resistance) and which were a bit weaker (rowing machine, power yoga). I lost a total of only 1.5 lbs that week, but more importantly had a ton of fun with my week off, being active outdoors and at the gym. Love the Bugg! My free year-long subscription to the online service is about to run out, but truth be told I don't use it that much anymore. I mostly just know that walking around while at work can double the amount of calories my stationary ass usually burns during the winter months; to hop on the elliptical for 40 mins if I had a free day that lasted a week; and to not expect much from power yoga except stretching and mindful breathing!!
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| I called this screen cap "what Jeff did to me" when I used his personal training prowess to force me through some treadmill sprints at 10 mph! I sent it to my dad, who replied, "don't let him kill you". |
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