Kristyn 3?

Over the years I've lamented about Kristyn 1 vs. Kristyn 2.  Yes, these two - Kristyn 1: a super healthy, working out 4x a week, cooking a ton, watching her calories lass who isn't really fun for anyone to be around.  She does get the job done though and inevitably drops a few pounds and inches. HOWEVER she almost always without fail reverts back to being Kristyn 2.  This girl is someone you want to hang with - she is baking cookies, watching hours of reality tv on the couch, sneaking thirds and fourths on dessert and almost making it a point to eat everything in site.  It's like Kristyn 2 thinks that she is "off the wagon" and she better live it up before Kristyn 1 comes back. Kristyn 1 always seems to come back... but then so does Kristyn 2.

This is probably what most would refer to as YO YO dieting!! I tend not to think about it as a diet, but if it truly was a lifestyle "change", wouldn't it be more sustainable??  It always, inevitably, "ends". Then my pants get a bit more snug.  Then I go back.

Or maybe I'm too hard on myself.  Maybe that's just what it's like living and eating in today's world of endless comforts both in the form of lovely places to sit and delicious bad-for-you foods to eat. However, it's always been a goal of mine to reconcile these two versions of myself and try to land somewhere in the middle - Kristyn 1.5?  No, she doesn't sound evolved enough.  **Kristyn 3.0!**

So what I'm noticing since I quit sugar on December 28 (#day24! not that I'm counting! ;)) is that I feel a bit more sustainably healthy.  I find that I enjoy cooking, and have been consistently at it for over three weeks now. It's still a time consuming, dishes-making, clean kitchen wrecker, but actually putting together foods and flavours and dicing and stirring while listening to music is fairly zen - I actually start to feel like I get a bit of "flow" going on which I've read is the key to actual in the moment happiness :)  Usually I go on a cooking kick for a week or so and then spend the rest of my life dragging my heels that I better try to cook at least ONE nice meal a week.  But, 24 days later, I'm still cooking and really liking it.  Don't get me wrong - I really like it when there are leftovers and all I have to do is heat them up, but cooking is feeling alright and for some reason a little more sustainable.

If only every meal I cooked was lobster!

I used to be the queen of the yogurt parfait for lunch or even quick dinner - Greek yogurt, raspberry jam for sweetness, sugary granola on top and some delicious raspberries.  I also loved rocking a caprese salad, inspired by falling in love with this salad in Italy: tomatoes, cheese (bulk bocconcini and fior di latte from Costco yes please!), basil and a drizzle of balsamic reduction which I was recently horrified to find out had 10g of sugar per tbsp, mainly added sugar.  So with my two favourite stand-bys gone, I'm forced to make more savoury dishes and maybe I simply haven't found the lazyman dinner in the sugar-free category.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #1: Cooking becomes more of a necessity when you don't have quick and easy sugar-based "meals" to reach for, and only whole foods lying around that need to be cooked and combined to turn into something yum.

Also what's been happening, partly since I quit sugar and partly since I decided to do a try-a-tri this June, is that I've been getting back into running.  My physio helped me with the process, figuring out that some muscle imbalances in my butt and hips were likely causing a lot of my injuries from running.  I retired from running in fall 2012 and have really missed it since.  Every time I do a little of it, I hurt something, so I really have been avoiding it.  BUT, on this plan, I increase running by small increments every week and I'll delay my progress if I don't keep on top of it, and I could hurt myself if I don't do my e.g. weird gluteus medius strengthening exercises: so, there I am.  At least 2-3x a week and it's not really a big deal at all.  You can bang out a mile, even at my sad slow pace, in under 15 mins, do some leg lifts and knee thrusts to strengthen those weird hiding muscles that are weak, roll your IT bands, and you're all done in 45 mins or one episode of the Good Wife on netflix ;)

Last 5k?  Maybe not!  With Viv in 2012 at Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon 5k

Kristyn 3.0 theory #2: Exercise is easier to maintain when you have a goal to work towards and you genuinely enjoy what you're doing

Here's another thing that's interesting.  While I've been waiting for the wild sweet cravings to subside and staying off of added sugar - the cravings mainly happen when I am tired, I find- I have occasionally tested the water with sugar.  Those delectable looking raw brownie bites I posted, that I started to binge eat the next day and had to throw the last few out :( , helped me realize that my chocolate addiction could take weeks... or months.. or years(??) to shake (dates + cocoa don't really equal proper chocolate - do they?? - but my brain was saying MORE MORE MORE!).  I accidentally had a spoonful of sugary sorbet at a restaurant and felt tingly and wild afterwards. Jeff found the sorbet "tangy and sour" while I found it "overpoweringly sweet" - weird right?  Last Saturday I decided to try a little piece of one of my favourite chocolate treats - dark chocolate salted almond bark - which I used to eat 15 pieces of in one afternoon (approx 40g of added sugar) and I took one bite and immediately put it down.  It tasted like soap, and also artificial, empty, overly sweet.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #3: When sugar doesn't taste good anymore, it's not that hard to stay away from it

Yesterday afternoon when my travel plans were derailed, the croissant and tea I was planning to pick up from Tim's a distant memory, I popped down to the coffee shop in the mall where I work and ordered a smoothie.  The girl serving me had assured me it contained "raspberry puree and yogurt".  Not thinking twice as I also put goopy raspberry and plain Greek yogurt into smoothies, I ordered it.  It was honestly the worst thing I've ever tasted - I could TASTE the sugar.  My coworker tried it and confirmed it was a pretty fake-sweet-tasting smoothie.  After sucking down 1/2 a cup of it (it was like 4 cups huge) due to my cheapness ($5!!), I had a huge headache and simply set it aside, not to be touched again. I'm delighted that true sweetness (fruit, milk) is now the sweetness I enjoy and look forward to.  I can't imagine I've kicked a lifelong addiction in a mere 3.5 weeks, but I'm surprised how well I'm doing over here on Day 24!!

Raw Brownie Bites (sweetened with dates) - Day 14 downfall

To get through the moments of sugar cravings, which seem to happen after a night of crappy sleep, I give in to the desire to comfort eat.  When you don't sleep, your body doesn't produce the right amount of ghrelin (the "I'm full!" hormone) and I always find I'm hungry all day.  Also when tired I tend to reach for comfort foods.  So I've solved this by making friends with the guy at the convenience store and at least once a week showing up for a bag of Smartfood or salt and vinegar chips - my savoury favourites that before I would only eat if they were at parties - if I was buying junk food, it was chocolate or skittles!!  This new habit is certainly nothing to brag about, BUT, it turns out what I've been reading for years is true - when you have a treat when you really/want need it, it is enough and then you can move on.  Before when I'd come home with Reese peanut butter cups, I'd inevitably be reaching for more sugar later.  Now, I tend to feel a little gross and full after my salty indulgence and am happy to just eat a reasonable meal later. Comfort eating and sleep deprivation eating are similar for me - you can chalk them both up to emotional eating vs. intuitive/because you're hungry eating - so when I had a mega-stressful day at work last week, it was no surprise to find myself in the McDonalds drive through line.  That double cheeseburger has made my day so many times!!  However, as I was still detoxing from sugar, I ordered it without ketchup.  Gotta say - it was a let down!  The fries were still nice (did you know they are manufactured to melt in your mouth - literally start digesting in your mouth for maximum instant pleasure?! terrifying/amazing) but that burger really didn't do it for me the way it has for my whole life.  Weird stuff.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #4: Have a salty treat, feel comforted/satisfied, and naturally move on from wanting to eat your feelings

I brought my scale out for the first time in a long time for this sugar detox experiment and was amazed to see 6 pounds melt off (like a McDonalds fry hitting your tongue) in 2 weeks.  It was fascinating to not even feel like I was really trying (but, but, I just ate chips! antojitos! so much cheese! buttered popcorn!) and see numbers on the scale I haven't seen in years. There are only 3 pairs of pants left to tackle (i.e. drop inches so I can fit into them) which was one of my new years resolutions - and I have a lot of pants - I collect jeans like a hoarder, at least for my cheap self - there must be about 15 pairs in my closet. Sliding into one of those pairs that I bought while telling myself "these will be perfect if I can drop a few inches" (stupid, why do women do this?!) was ridiculously gratifying and kind of a "never done before" feat.  At the end of the day I don't feel the need to change into sweatpants immediately and a few times I have accidentally worn jeans for hours, not even noticing they were on (usually they're so tight/uncomfortable I have to strip 'em right off!).  This is enjoyable, the fact that I didn't have to kill myself to get here is amazing, and all those happy feelings are motivation enough to want to stay on track without really even trying to do anything.

Kristyn 3.0 theory #5: Letting your body find it's ideal size set point, and fitting into your entire wardrobe is reason enough to continue eating reasonably and exercising moderately

Last interesting note, I am riding a much less intense blood sugar rollercoaster (think Corkscrew compared to Millenium Force). I'm still peckish throughout the morning (likely indicative that while my bowl of oatmeal, fruit and almond milk is a decent breakfast, it may be lacking in satiating ingredients like healthy fats or have enough calories), but I can go hours and hours without eating, particularly in the afternoon and evening.  I don't. Even. Think about it.  The other day I didn't eat lunch until 1 p.m.  I would have been curled in a coma on the floor if that had happened last month but I was fine.  Hungry, but not shaky or hypoglycemic.

I may just be on the road to lessening the amplitude of my blood sugar spikes including the low blood sugar moments of hypoglycemia.  This is an excellent reason to keep sugar to a minimum in my diet, and I'm going to continue with that principle for sure. Another health bonus is that eating so many nice, whole foods has done wonders for my stomach - pain, bloating, and all the joy that comes with a sad GI tract - all gone. My sensitive stomach is no longer something I think about too much.  I wonder how my gut bacteria are doing down there??  Whatever you're doing guys, keep it up, go forth, multiply, etc. - I feel great!!

Kristyn 3.0 theory #6: Doing it for your health makes making good choices a no-brainer.

So.  On Day 24 I am going to loosen the reins.  Looking for and thinking about added sugar in everything is fairly inconvenient in public settings.  Plus, having it in such small doses (e.g. in a pizza crust or pasta sauce) doesn't seem like a huge deal now and then, and it's hard to imagine it could set off a cascade of chocolate cravings. Typically when Kristyn 1 would "loosen the reins" and "have a free day" it would turn into a several-days binge cycle from feeling restricted.  But I truly don't feel restricted.  I can eat whatever I want, and there are many delicious choices available to me. A strawberry-kiwi-coconut milk smoothie is the sweetest treat ever, and tastes amazing!!  That bag of chips on a tired day is nothing to brag about, but man do they taste good in the moment and fill me up very well! Next week I'll be away from home Tuesday - Friday at a place with the best food, including the nicest desserts, ever (White Oaks Resort in Niagara on the Lake for a staff conference).  I don't feel my typical Kristyn 1 "nervous/gearing up willpower" about it, or wondering if I'll "slip up".  If I have half a piece of cake I'm fairly certain the world won't end.  But if it sends me on a sugar spiral, or I end up feeling headachey, grumpy and lethargic like after yesterday's smoothie, it would be a clear signal NOT to reach for it again.  And just focus on eating something creamy, or salty, rich and filling at the meal, so I'm not left wanting to reach for dessert. I do hope they have some fruit available, though, my trusty back-up.  I wonder what report I'll have to give post White Oaks!!!

If you read this far, thanks for coming along on my weird sugar journey and quest to find Kristyn 3.0 - a healthy girl who isn't perfect but doesn't oscillate severely between "good" and "bad".. since, secret, there really is no "good" and "bad". :)  I feel quite optimistic today, compared to my last post.  Rather than expect that I'll inevitably swing the other way, crash and fail, I'll try to ride this wave of added-sugar-free happiness and see what tomorrow brings!!