I Got Kondo'd - Steps 4 & 5

So, what was I saying? Ah yes, komono.... step 4.

CRAP WAS EVERYWHERE!

It was in every drawer, every basket, every cabinet. It was in my night table, the kitchen, the living room. Picture loose change, buttons, a spool of thread (I don't sew!), 15 serving platters, hideous mugs, and all that stuff you keep because "I could use this for.." "one day I might.." "maybe someone would want...". UGH! This to me is the bane of the stress that comes with "too much stuff", where you start to feel suffocated and overrun by your possessions. When drawers don't close. When you can't get at the thing you actually want due to all the junk piled in front of it.

I asked myself these types of questions: how many of Item X do I ACTUALLY need? Does having 12 back up wine glasses (along with the set of 8 we have) bring me joy (in my case - hells no!!). Will I ever sew a button on a shirt? If a button falls off a shirt.. isn't that shirt ready to be donated? Will I ever wear this necklace I haven't worn in 15 years again? Just because I wore these shoes to my wedding, do I intend to keep them forever in this shoe organizer, even though they're too fancy to wear anywhere else and the heels are covered in dirt from our outdoor ceremony and pictures? :) Also I think we're really lucky to live in the digital age where saying goodbye to CDs doesn't mean saying goodbye to Nirvana's entire collection of songs, forever. All those CDs were ripped long ago and are available whenever I want them! I have an android box where every movie or tv show I could ever want to see is illegally available to me. :P Every instruction manual for everything I own is online! There are 9,700 versions of a recipe for every type of food item you could ever dream of making, a click away.

And what's with the hoarding? We wouldn't need so much storage space if we didn't buy 87 rolls of toilet paper when they came on sale. Again, the world is very unlikely to end tomorrow, leaving you very glad for all 87 rolls. You live in a city with stores on every corner to buy toilet paper in! And 4 sets of bedsheets for the guest room? I think we could get by with 1! I kept 2 to be safe ;) Just... tone it DOWN, friend! (yelling at myself there.. still in shock about how much stuff there was). Bottom line - we need way, way less shit than we currently have. And with that, we added to our eventual 6 hatchback carloads that went to the dump, Goodwill, Value Village, The Beat Goes On, Royal City Gold.. you name it. We sold a lot of stuff, gave away a ton more (and it felt so, so good) to friends, family, and mainly people we don't know, who need it more than us.

I traced my obsession with stuff back to the days when we first bought this house (let's be honest, the first three years) when I was sick over how house poor we were. I could have no "stuff". I let myself spend $100/year on clothes. No new dishes. No new books. Electronics/toys had to be very well justified to enter our doors! When my step-grandma would load me up with stuff (she was a lover and hoarder of all stuff), I'd cling to it like a life preserver. "I have obtained things! All is well!!" It's amazing what a 180 I did in the span of a month. I denounced presents and gifts that weren't consumables. I loathed giving people gifts this Christmas for fear that they wouldn't use them and I would have just contributed more to their STUFF load. I felt more joy in getting rid of things than acquiring them. I'll be honest.. this process changed me and it was WEIRD.

Kitchen junk drawer - ONE pair of oven mitts, ONE apron, 50% less dish towels, and 1 less set of cloth napkins. Twist ties, elastics, labels, one lighter and one pen. DONE. Damn I wish I had a before pic of the hot mess that was :)

Up last was Step 5: sentimental items.

I threw away 2000 photos!! That's my best estimate. From the ages of 11-23 I took pictures on film at a pretty impressive rate, and had the 20+ photo albums to show for it. I took them all apart, put the pics in chronological order, and as I was doing it, got rid of blurry pics, doubles, pics where no one looked good, 1/2 of a 1997 trip to Greece where I took miscellaneous photos of Dawn in our various hotel rooms. I kept about 1000 pics which someday I'd love to scan (but couldn't justify the cost/time right now). In the bookcase pic in my last post you can see 7 photo albums, plus our wedding album. Set for life!

I recycled 4 shoeboxes of notes from high school. I kept the ones that made me laugh out loud. Truth, I didn't read them all. High School Kristyn is actually not who I am anymore, and while I'm glad she had the experiences she did, she was a boy-crazy, drama-lovin' typical teenager. Plus, if I ever need a trip down memory lane, I have her diaries (oh gawd.. mortifying..).

I threw out another 4 shoeboxes of miscellaneous memories - every movie stub, beer bottle cap, napkin from a restaurant while traveling, etc etc etc etc. The purple paper covered box you see in the bookcase pic (last post) is what I kept and where I'll keep a few future worthy items. What's in there now: a few key high school notes from characters like Dawn, Nicole and Jana, cards with sweet messages that made me smile or tear up, the ticket to my first (and last and almost every in between :)) Leafs game, and all the beautiful love notes Jeff has written me. I shed tears and laughter, and in the process, a lot of space/stuff/weight/emotions. What remains is that purple shoebox, those photo albums, a tote of diaries and stories, and ... that's it.

I would like to solve the mystery of who the heck wrote me this funniest email ever in high school. I was hysterically laughing about it - whoever it was shares my very random sense of humour. If you're someone I have on fb, please let me know, and thank you (then and now) for the laughs!!

I'm light as a feather. There is so much space around here. And even though my house looks basically the same to an outsider, I'm finding it WAY easier to relax in, WAY easier to clean up and keep clean, WAY more appealing to come home to and way easier to focus on what matters: my relationships, my hobbies, living a healthy life, and relaxing in a bath with a thousand candles lit because, guys, I finally found where I was keeping the extra candles!!

Also, doesn't this battery drawer (that used to not open) just look so chill?! ;)



Basement storage area, 1/2 of what used to be here, everything you need to reach can be reached with one move. And GOODBYE PLASTIC CHRISTMAS TREE! One of my favourite moves :)




Anyways, that's the extent of my thoughts about this process that I can share. Definitely would recommend it to anyone. If you can't imagine going as hardcore as me, don't. Just start small. Maybe do your clothes, or your books. It gets a little addictive (having trouble watching movies or tv shows without mentally editing the contents of their bookcases in the background). So thanks, Marie, you slightly kooky organizing lady. It was indeed life-changing!

I Got Kondo'd - Steps 1 - 3

** I was working on these posts about decluttering my home before my life went off the rails last week and we lost the beloved leader of our organization. I thought they would be a nice distraction to work on today. They were! A weekend of supreme relaxation, spending time in nature and getting a little caught up on life was just what the doc ordered.

I subscribe to an audiobook service called Scribd which ends up giving me more to read and listen to than I can keep up with. I think I read about a book every 10 days last year!! Audiobooks are great as I can devour them while on the road or on dogwalks. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo was one of the most interesting listens of 2017 and I couldn't help it.. I got totally inspired to declutter my life.

Her book takes you through five steps of decluttering, from easiest to toughest. You start with your clothes. I thought I wasn't someone with a lot of clothes. I was wrong.

I had a disgusting amount of clothes! I could have lived for 6 weeks without doing laundry!! What sort of apocalypse was I preparing for? Enough! Marie wants you to hold each item (EVERY ITEM IN YOUR HOUSE, FOLKS) and ask yourself: "does this bring me joy?". With clothes, I found the answers were SUPER easy! Turns out I hated a ton of my clothes! Turns out just because something fits, doesn't mean it's a good look for you, the fabric feels nice or the colour makes you happy. Adios dark pink plaid shirt! See ya later blazer that was never and never will be my style! No more, socks with hole!!!! Anywho.. this process, while destroying an entire Saturday, was absolutely worth it.

T-shirt drawer of joy

This drawer used to hold only 6 items of clothing! Look at it now!

I got really efficient with my space, moving into the second, smaller bedroom closet (ugh that sentence drips with privilege...... I am very aware) and learning how to fold so that my dresser could hold more than I ever thought it could! Marie's folding method takes a bit more time because I can't fold shirts in the air in 0.8 seconds anymore, but it makes packing for trips a breeze and constantly reminds me what clothes I have so I don't forget to wear any of these items, carefully retained for the joy they bring me :)

Up next was books. Beyond the 8th grade, I stopped hoarding books like a crazy mini librarian, realizing that they are always available to be borrowed, or from a library. After a few moves, I was down to just four shelves of books in my bookcase. But books were actually everywhere - cookbooks in the junk drawer in the kitchen, books I was "intending" to read "someday" in my night table, books in that random basket of random stuff under the end table in the living room. So I donated 6 boxes of books to Goodwill, and selected a few of my favourite authors for the neighbourhood borrowing box, hoping I'd "spark joy" in someone else when they read Marian Keyes for the first time. I retained only books I thought I'd use again (travel or nature reference), or ones that I've already read at least 2-3x and am not even close to being sick of. As I said, I'm fielding 4 books a month on Scribd, so I have enough electronic books to keep me busy for life, and a great public library for when I finally have to kick the ebook habit ;)

The best books! From a bird reference guide, to Emily Giffin, these all bring me such joy!

 

This used to be stuffed! I wish I was better at before pics. Jeff is going to build a new, smaller bookcase for this space!

'Books' was done, and I was feeling go-ood. I could do this!! Up next. Papers. So, files, receipts, instruction manuals - picture everything paper and figure out what's got to go. Marie recommended ONE file with pertinent warranties and receipts. She's a maniac. But guess what - I did ok! All the paper in my house now lives in my filing cabinet and I used to have trouble getting stuff into and out of it because it was so full. Three recycling bags later and voila.

I was pretty exhausted at this point, it had been at least a full weekend (Sat/Sun) and another weeknight or two (I have lost track at this point), but up next was komono, also known as "miscellany", also known as the bane of my existence. The motivation was certainly there. So prior to, and during our extensive home reno over the holidays, I went to town on komono, phase 4.

Tune in to my second post on this. Even writing it as one post was too overwhelming for me!

Remembering James

I was just talking about grief with my mom yesterday, and how when it hits you it's like a big earthquake, followed by so many aftershocks (and you never know when they're coming). And you run around in circles trying to DO something to make the feelings go away. If I just a) eat this b) watch this c) do this d) talk to this person e) write it down (look familiar?) THEN I'll start to feel right again. But the hard truth is, you can't feel right again when you lose someone you care about. Not right away anyways.. It just takes time. It takes all those afterblows, and the tears that come with them, and the good memories, and the harder ones, and the last things you said to each other to cross your brain 50 times, and talking, and writing (and eating).. and what's actually happening as all those moments occur, is time passing. Because time is really the only thing that makes losing someone even minimally, somewhat, slightly "ok".

Today, the head of my department, our regional vice president, my boss' boss, and my former boss for 4 years from 2009-2013, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. James .. I don't know how to describe him except this phrase that keeps coming to mind.. he was everything. He was personality, sarcasm, a dark and evil sense of humour, charm and lightness, sensitive, brilliant, strategic, the biggest of big picture thinkers, a softie with a hard shell that didn't take much to crack, and the proudest VP, dad and husband around. He would hate it if I described him this way: but he just sparkled. His legacy in conservation will be remembered forever. Long after people stop remembering him, me and the rest of us, they will walk the shores of places like Wilson Island in Lake Superior and be glad that a place like that was protected. And that was James. He devoted his career to conservation, was the second longest-standing employee at our organization, and was inspiring people, building them up, and taking them down a peg, just to keep it real, until his last day. Which I still can't believe was today.

Hearing the news I was suddenly no longer in my body, but watching a movie of a person receiving bad news who stumbles backwards to the wall and slithers to the floor in tears. Even though it's hit me about 15x now and I've burst into hysterical sobs, every time I realize it's real again, I'm back in that moment, slithering to the floor, pain as fresh as knives. And omg, I'm just his employee. I can't stop thinking about his wife of 20+ years, his three boys (teenagers) and wondering what they must be going through. 54 is way, way too young.

But that's life, isn't it. Full of shitty surprises. All any of us can do is tell the people we love that we love them, be kind and good as much of as many days as we're able, and try to make the most of the short precious time we get to spend here. Damn living is good. And it's way too easy to take it for granted.

Here's my memorial to James, thinking through the ways he touched my life.

He hired me in 2009 after I'd been with our organization for 2 years, into a new role with a lot more responsibility than I'd had in my previous job. Suddenly I went from dealing with conservation plans on my computer, to dealing with people and properties. We managed Northwestern Ontario in tandem for a few years, which meant lots of grumpy early morning flights to Thunder Bay together (neither of us are morning people) and long road trips across the Trans Canada. He loved showing off NWO and the conservation successes he'd had up there. His pride and joy was Wilson Island, 5,000 acres of untouched boreal forest in Lake Superior which he'd been after for a decade and finally secured in 2008. We had a blast exploring the island together. He brought his middle son, Jayden, which made our motley crew of biologists, boat drivers, managers and new northern friends that much weirder, and more memorable. He always called me Grasshopper, as I learned the ropes (I was super naïve at 27, even moreso than I am today at 35 if you can believe it ;)) and one of my proudest moments was when I successfully negotiated my first land deal, skirting some land mines, and he emailed "You have snatched the pebble, Grasshopper." I'll definitely have to watch some Kung Fu in his honour sometime. It was James who pushed me into an Acting Program Director role for the first time. I was 28 and I thought he was bloody crazy. I asked him to pump up my tires and tell me WHY he thought I was ready for that level of responsibility and he said he could teach a monkey how to negotiate a land deal, but people skills were something you couldn't teach, and I had them. Since the man handed out compliments about twice a year at most, I never forgot this one. He also shoved me into a full time Program Director role (after shoving me into a second Acting PD role for the second time in one year), as I was almost literally kicking and screaming. Unsurprisingly, it was exactly the right move for me and my career, and he knew that very well all along.

I bumped up against a couple of rough HR moments somewhere in the middle of all of this, and he was a huge supporter and there for me exactly when I needed his support the most. He did everything I could have asked for, and even the things I didn't, to keep me from drowning. He was always so steady, and so sure. I don't think it was necessarily like that under the surface (I know for a fact he would draft important emails and read them over and over again for many days before sending them), but he was your life preserver when you needed him.

All of this makes our relationship sound like it was super rosy, but it wasn't perfect by any means! We could be pretty tough with each other - nonstop teasing, never giving the other person an inch, and he challenged me ALL THE TIME. We had a couple of good battles. But what was always there was respect and kindness, under it all. His last email to me, and two of my coworkers, read: "I hate you all!" as he was being teased for being early for a conference call for the first time in his life, and was actually a full half hour early and the call hadn't started yet. I replied: "That's sweet, James". Those weren't quite our last words - we had a productive call after that on Friday morning. But I sure wish I had known it was the last time I'd get to speak to him.

I have so many wonderful memories with James. I can't picture what work is going to be like without him. We're all wandering around like zombies today, not quite believe that this is real. The spirit and passion of our region .. he's gone? But what he would want would be for us to carry on with that spirit and passion, and keep delivering amazing conservation for years and years to come. I know before long I'll be walking on the JD Nature Reserve, and my tears will be all over that forest, or wetland, or alvar. It will be a lucky property that gets his name on it forever. He made a humongous difference at our organization, in all our lives and he will never, ever be forgotten. I can't believe how much you can miss someone - so sharply, and so quickly. Wow does it hurt tonight. I'm just going to let the hurt happen, and try to focus on those good memories. On that note, here are some of my fave pics from our time together.

Staff retreat - JD & me, Annette, Ali and Cara. So much wine. So much fun.

He spent this hike on a property in Northwestern Ontario throwing snowballs at me, and then tested the water (verdict: Lake Superior in late October is cold!)

 

Management canoe race at staff retreat (James and Chris); the interns beat these two by a long shot after he lost his paddle

 

He took me to this amazing lookout over Lake Superior. Can't beat that view. This one is framed and hanging downstairs!

 

2 days on Wilson Island with James, Jayden and crew in August 2010

So glad I was on a pic-taking tear this spring, and so glad James got to see the completed work in Creemore. This project took me 4.5 years, $400,000 and I never could have done it without his support!



My work parents - my boss Wendy, and James, who just learned how to wear his buff like a toque

I will never forget you JD

Kristyn Goes to the Pool

I'm not sure why I've never been able to do the simplest of tasks without the maximum amount of ridiculous, embarrassing things happening to me. I'm grateful that I came with a built-in self deprecating sense of humour to withstand the humiliation of the many, many very, very stupid things I've done in public over the years.

Last night I decided: fitness night!! There was a fresh dumping of snow overnight Sunday into Monday, and the temperatures had just risen above nose-falling-off frigid, so it seemed the perfect weather to get out for my first snowshoe of the season, and I had to walk the dog anyways. And the public pool that reopened in my neighbourhood last year runs a "fitness swim" from 9-10 p.m. most evenings. With no other plans, it seemed like a perfect night to burn off the few marshmallows dipped in peanut butter dipped in rice krispies I'd indulged in when I got home from work (these were all Christmas baking leftovers - I finally tossed the marshmallows today - enough already!!!). Caution: don't try this homemade snack lest you want to spend your night in the throes of fitness... Ok anyways, onto the hijinx.

Bailey and I headed out to the local neighbourhood park built around the old landfill site (Jeff and I affectionately call it "the dump park") to get our snowy workout in. I definitely fall down every time I cross country ski, but snowshoes are essentially giant balancing feet, so you think you'd be all set to stay upright, right? Nope. I bailed twice, once going downhill with a little too much enthusiasm (picture windmilling limbs, all four of them) and the other time in a giant unpredictable snowdrift that was inexplicable based on its location and my knowledge of that terrain when there's no snow.... I'm still trying to figure out how a crater formed along the usual walking path :P This drift was so deep the dog (Rottweiler x shepherd) was up to his ears!! Rather than using him as a canary in a snowy coal mine, I just went right into the same spot and suffered the same fate. We both extricated ourselves eventually but shared a look of: "whoa! that was deep!". The tights I'd worn to keep cool since I knew I'd get hot slogging around in all that snow were not waterproof, so the last few steps back to the car were PRETTY chilly as the snow soaked through! Good news - we made it out alive :)

Bailey boy

Pink cheeks!

Fun (soaked) tights & snowshoes

Then it was off to the pool. I said to Jeff as I was leaving "I feel like I'm going to do something stupid. Getting into my bathing suit in a public place and jumping into a communal bathtub is already my worst nightmare." Self-fulfilling prophecy?

1) Arriving at the rec centre, I stood in front of the automatic door and nothing happened. I panicked mildly before locating the actual opening of the door, eight feet to my left. Sigh. Not off to a great start.

2) To mitigate potential future horrors, I asked the guy working the front desk: "I've never been here before, and I'm the type to do something stupid like walking into the men's changeroom, so can you tell me exactly how this works?" He said, "you go into the women's changeroom, and the door to the pool is right through there. It's really easy." Fine. I'll trust you, fella (hint: there were a few more key things he could have mentioned, such as lockers!)

3) The lockers had those crazy pay a quarter, turn the key, key pops out, attach key to self with safety pin systems. A woman in the changeroom noticed me staring at them for a good ten seconds, so I said "do you know how to use these?". She pointed to the instructions, clearly printed on the inside of the door (but the inside of the door? come on!). I slid off my clothes, having already put on my bathing suit underneath (I am a good planner; nothing worse than wriggling into a tight bathing suit under fluorescent lights in a place you've never been before with strangers), worked the quarter-lock system like a pro, pinned my safety pin to myself and I was away to the pool!

4) Without my goggles. Sigh. Back to the changeroom. What? I don't get my quarter back?? I assumed it was like the shopping carts at No Frills. Geez.. I brought my own lock.. can I just use that!?!? Come on City of Guelph. Luckily I had many quarters. Got the goggles. Locker locked again, key pinned to me. Ok.. back to the pool.

5) I hopped into the "medium" speed lane, noticing everyone in every single lane was going exactly the same speed, and having no idea if I'm a fast, slow or medium swimmer. After 6 x 25m laps (which felt great by the way! swimming is basically the best - just the feeling of water, and freedom, and not aggravating my sprained foot or tennis elbows (too badly)), I noticed my lane-mate was standing at the end of the pool. I stood up as I was turning around and said hello and she asked if I could swim closer to my lane divider and only if another person came into the Medium speed area would we need to swim that close together. Yeesh! Pool etiquette I was unaware of!! So I hit the lane divider about 8 times for the rest of the night as I was swimming so close to it to avoid getting all up my neighbour's grill. Small victory: I kicked her ass and covered 750m in 25 minutes while she did maybe half that. ;)

6) I exited the pool feeling like a champ. 750m is the distance I need to do for a sprint triathlon, my summer goal, and I'd done it! In 25 mins! I caught a glimpse of my triumphant self in the mirror in the changeroom and said in my head "looking good girl!". Then realized I'd forgotten underwear to change into. And a toque for my wet hair. Not so well planned after all. Commando home it is.

7) Heading out the door, thinking about how thirsty I was, I suddenly spied a water fountain to my left and made a quick turn to take a drink before heading out into the night. "Wet floor" signs must have taken on some sort of "blend into the background" mode in my brain because I didn't see it, that floor was super wet, and I TOTALLY BAILED! I fell on my outstretched left arm and left knee, and slowly got to my feet. A rec centre worked called out "are you ok?". Someone else said "what happened?" and she yelled "this girl fell!!". Mortification complete. My answer to "are you ok?" was a timid "I don't know" - DAMN my elbow hurt! It didn't get any better overnight, and at my doc appointment that was already booked today, I asked her about the pain and she recommended I get an x-ray since it sounds like I might have a hairline fracture! I'm a walking medical textbook these days! 35 going on 80.

Lesson learned: stay home, don't move. You're a spaz. ;) No, no, just kidding. You know that I didn't sit out the outdoor skating session with my coworkers at lunch today. I got my heart pumping so well that I unzipped my jacket and flapped my arms around yelling "this is so funnnn!!!" - then had to stop because of the pain in my elbow. Victory - I did not fall.

Kathryn and I enjoying the outdoor rink at lunch

The roads iced over around 4 p.m. today as I left the doc's office, so I secured myself safely inside  - where I should probably stay indefinitely, but hey.. life's for livin' after all...