Friendship

Lately I have been thinking about friendship a lot. I’m not sure if it’s because I was feeling very grateful for my friends who were there for me after I lost my step grandmother Doreen in April; or because it’s summer, a time where I get to see a lot more of my friends as we drag ourselves out from the depths of our warm houses during the cold winter; or just because the time is simply due to recognize how grateful I am for my friends.

I had no idea how to set this up, because I’m truly grateful for all my friends, all over the province (and continent) in so many different, nuanced, variable ways. So I decided to go with chronological freestyle instead :-) It’s also important to note that I’m grateful for the strong friendships I had in various stages of life, some that lasted many years, and some just a flash in the pan, that didn’t stand the test of time but I will always remember fondly. There are also friendships that populate just a few beautiful moments every year – whether it’s a Facebook exchange, annual visit, or thoughtful text message. These mean a lot to me as well. And for any friendships that are currently lost/adrift I hope we can find our way back to each other if it’s meant to be. I know that not everyone that’s been in your life is destined to be there forever, but I think it's a beautiful thing when we can keep circles of people that share memories and past fondnesses at just an amicable arm’s reach away.

I’ve had the same best friend for nearly 31 years, and with Dawn I get to have all the benefits of having and being a sister without the back story of having grown up terrorizing one another - instead, we were pretty much always just having a silly, laughter-filled good time. I can count our conflicts over the years on one hand - disputes that neither of us could ever bear to last more than a few moments, before rushing to make sure our relationship was still perfectly intact. There is no great short way to say it but she’s a part of my heart and I have her back for life. In return, she is on my team completely and I never feel as supported regardless of whatever ridiculous idea I am railing on about, because Dawn is always there supporting me.

Way back on that first day of kindergarten, I also collected a Melanie. The most honest and kindhearted while still managing to be one of the most cutting and hilarious people I know. Starting far back in early elementary school I also gathered a Karla and a Katie, and we were fiercely close as we co-battled the painful awkwardness of late childhood/early teenage years, a closeness that allows us to delve right into deep conversations today with no pretense and an incredible understanding of one another. Shortly after came a Catherine, by far the quirkiest of the bunch. I may never understand how her brain works, but I always love going along for the ride, which is always full of emotion and as a common theme, tons of laughs. In high school we added a couple of members to the train – a Jana, and a Nicole - two of the most fun and funny ladies in the world. This group that I have just described here comprises “the Scarborough girls”.  We were always just out to have a good time, whether that was being dorks at high school sleepovers, dancing the night away at bars, eating everything in sight, or having long/ridiculous/meandering conversations about our years of amassed memories. That theme kept us glued together through university, while starting our careers, through marriages, and children. There aren’t too many places in my life where I can be guaranteed a belly laugh that hurts, but at our approximately quarterly dinners, I know that one of those is always in the cards. As I write that I’m smiling because I can hear each of their laughter as I picture their faces, and I’m confident that no matter how much time passes between seeing each of them, we’re set for life.

Me, Jana, Karla, Dawn, Mel, Nic, Cath, Kate

During university I was fortuitous enough to live across the hall from Erica, that girl with the huge laugh, who later would stand beside me at my wedding (and I and hers), a friendship marked by unconditional support and conversations that eat up hours but feel like they only last for seconds.

 

At this time I was also lucky enough to come across those who would jokingly call themselves my B-group, who lived in residence with Dawn, and included faces like Evan and Tim. Eventually, through them, I would meet Dave, who knew Jay, and add in a Viv, and my post-university group of misfits was formed. We called ourselves the superfriends, likely because we were always so intoxicated when trying to discuss our newfound/fantastic friendship (because beer was only $2.50 a pint every Wednesday at El Parteo, also known as an utter shit show). Familiar faces from the “B group” that I never had a chance to get close to in school became key pieces of my life, then and now - a Pam, a Kristy.  Some of the most fun and best conversation I've ever had have been with this crew, then and today.

 

Jay & me - any given Wednesday

 

Kristy, Jeff, me, Maya, Evan, Tim

 

 

People’s significant others (even some now-exes!) wove themselves in to a point where I can’t remember not having them in my life. What would I do without James, for example, who would never hesitate to grab the boat and get you out of trouble when you’ve accidentally SUP’d into a windy bay that you simply can’t paddle your way out of? Or Dan, who came to see The Cure with me, at a much loathed outdoor festival, after meeting me just one time? And there’s a big list of other people who I’m lucky I get to have in my life because they found my amazing friends to be with :-)

Over the past two years I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know several childfree folks in the Guelph and KW area, and as awkward as it is to throw yourself into a social situation where you have just one thing in common with people (not wanting kids) it was worth it. Reason? I got to meet gems like Jini, Greg, Julie, Heather and Dana, who feel like my spirit animals and reassure me that even though my life isn’t pointing in the same direction as the majority of the world’s, it’s a life direction that many very awesome people are pointing in too.

I have friends who I’ve lost, like Doreen this spring, but who my conversations with will always be ongoing, because I know how she would’ve responded to any of my questions or stories, in my heart. I have a very furry friend who I do most of the talking with, but who always responds with a lick, a head on my lap, and a standing invitation to go for a walk. I’m grateful to have so many coworkers, past and present, who are people I would actually choose to spend time with if I wasn’t forced to :-) I have great neighbours, who water my veggies, and are always down for a spontaneous chat in the street or much needed glass of wine. I have incredible parents, who with their great sense of humour, biting commentary, honesty and support, I’m very happily stuck with (and vice versa) for life.

Doreen & I - these pics were all taken today by walking around my office with my iPhone camera :)

On top of all of this magic, I have a husband who I would absolutely choose to be friends with even if I didn’t love him to pieces, who is a master of absorbing my tales/problems/diatribes and helping share unique and awesome perspectives. Our shared interests have always created a strong backbone to our relationship, and as we grow our passions together for things like travel, cycling, and outdoor adventure, I’m that much more glad to have him as my bff for all time.

Lately, I’ve been inadvertently posting pictures of my friends and I with captions like “Lucky me”. I sometimes cringe about the things that people, including myself, post on social media. Anything that looks overly rosy feels suspicious, because life is certainly not a constant bed of roses. And while things have not always been peachy keen with all of those people and groups of people I’ve given shoutouts to today, there isn’t a bit of this post that is disingenuous and doesn’t reflect the intense gratitude in my heart to have, and have had, and get to continue having, all of these incredible friendships.