So Far, So Good

Well it's been a wild week, but I'm happy to say it's finally OVER. All sorts of good things happened which I'm so grateful for - the biggest one being my dad had his Whipple surgery for a bile duct tumour last Friday at Juravinski hospital in Hamilton, and the operation went very well. My mom and I had a surprisingly alright day in the parking office, the coffee shop down the street, the waiting room, the Lebanese restaurant down the street and distracting ourselves by doing every puzzle in the Toronto Star (champions). We both started to go downhill around Hour 6 of his surgery, so when the doc told us everything was good at Hour 7 the relief was palpable. The tight fist of emotions I'd been trying to breathe through (the fist was sitting squarely on my solar plexus) bubbled out of me via a giant relieved bout of sobbing locked in the hospital bathroom (that I never want to see again, for the record) and I felt like I was walking on air after that. It took another 3 hours before we got to see him (around 6 p.m.), but seeing my dad awake, comfortable (read: many pain meds) and cracking jokes that soon after such a major surgery was just amazing for all of us. I was so happy he made it through! I stayed fairly euphoric until about Sunday night, so that was a nice couple of days of visits and just being grateful to the universe for getting him through.

I made a deal with said universe (ah, agnosticism) that I would get back to eating healthily and exercising (sympathy muffin top is keeping me out of most of my shorts...) if all went well so it's been really nice enjoying delicious salads, wraps, fruit, veggies and bike rides, runs and strength training all week! Anytime I wasn't with my dad in the hospital, dashing off some emails, or participating in a quick con call (thank you NCC, best employer ever, for letting me take my own sick time to visit with and care for my dad this week), I was working out or making food, which always makes me feel a lot more grounded!

The week got a bit tougher as it went on, largely because the pain meds went away. My dad is a tough cookie who took no pain medicine after he had a metal plate screwed into his ankle that he shattered in a hockey injury, so I knew the pain had to be getting to him after they took his epidural out and the fentanyl went away when he requested oral pain meds and noted they didn't seem to be working. :( He was a bit more grumpy as he dealt with the pain and the discomfort of the 7 million degree hospital rooms. I was happy to be able to be there to help him out by fetching him a fresh ice pack, ice water, adjusting his fan, his blanket, whatever he needed. It's so easy to feel completely useless and helpless in a hospital setting like that, so knowing I was doing a thing or two to make him a bit more comfortable was comforting to me. We learned about the wonders of dry shampoo, and what happens when you take a drain out too early (we coined the incident "drain-splosion" and "drain-tastrophe", and we'll just leave it at that!!), and just how tough things can be for people in the hospital with cancer that's made it much further along than where my dad was at, like for his roommate Tony :(

Every day it seemed like a different tube was taken out (there were about 6 to start), and in no time at all (Day 6, usually a 7-10 day hospital stay!) he was discharged. I brought him from Juravinski to Niagara on the Lake this morning where he moves over into the care of Nurse Gwen (my mom). I think he'll be way more comfortable at home, with A/C, his own bed, his goofy dog, a nice big tv (vs. the teeny tiny one on a moveable arm we paid for so he could watch Game 1 and 2 this week!). You could tell he was nervous to leave the hospital - with the round the clock care, all the meds, all the answers - but I know he's going to continue to recover and do great at home.

Two days before he had his surgery my mom threw a F*#! Cancer! party for my dad at their home which FORTY FIVE people showed up to. Other than my uncle and aunt, and my mom and I, the crowd was entirely friends my parents have made in Niagara on the Lake since they moved there less than 3 years ago. So I know he'll have a crowd of visitors streaming through in the coming weeks while he rests and gets better. He has "home care" (a nurse he can visit in St. Catharines) to attend to his incision site/dressings, a follow up appointment to get his stitches out on Tuesday, strict orders not to lift anything heavy for TWO MONTHS!, and an interesting sugar-free low-fat diet that he'll have to get used to as his body recovers from losing his gall bladder, half his pancreas and part of his small intestine. My mom is a great chef, so no doubt she can make gnocchi taste great at least 10 different ways :)

For a crappy situation, things are pretty damn great. I am pretty damn lucky and excited to move toward the goal of that extra 20-25 years with my dad I had always expected to get. I'm a little more jaded, realistic and cautious now than I was before, but also so incredibly full of gratitude with a better understanding of what really matters in life.

Thanks to all my friends and family who have supported me emotionally so I could support my parents during this awful past 7 weeks. After I wrote my last blog post I was so touched by the number of people who reached out with messages, texts, visits, invites to hang out and things they thought would make me laugh. :) I have an amazing group of friends, both close, and far, and facebook-only :)

Life will go a little bit back to normal now, and I'm glad for that. It will never be quite exactly the same ever again, but I'll embrace whatever normal-ness I can grab on to. My bff sent me Sheryl Sandberg's commencement speech which was just incredible advice for dealing with hard times - it was, and is so important to remember the three P's, particularly that when bad things happen, they are not pervasive (they cannot invade all parts of your life) and they are not permanent (they can't, and won't last forever). Check it out if you're going through something too, and have 25 mins to chill out with this great woman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqm-XEqpayc

And now some pics to cap off this chapter (for now? hopefully for a long time, or even better, forever). Thanks again everyone for reading, listening, and reaching out. I'm a lucky girl to have so many great people holding me up. xoxo

The horse my dad worked on colouring during his first hospital stay in April. We are going to finish him during his recovery!

Dad and I at Floral Clock in Niagara Falls on May 16, pre mini-golf (he beat my mom and I, no surprise there!)

Dad and I in our green for bile duct cancer custom shirts at his F*!# Cancer party on May 25

This was an interesting conversation with the bakery...

And so far, so good!

I hope none of you ever have to spend much time at Juravinski Hospital, but the view from the top of the mountain is pretty nice if you are in there. Ward E4, then go to the new section with all the giant windows!