Manifesto

Hello!  I feel so sad that I went three months without posting anything - but I have an excuse for my general blogger lameness over the summer - in late May I started what I was jokingly referring to as "My Manifesto"... which I ended up naming "Manifesto"!! This is basically a collection of short, blog-like entries about how I wanted to live my life, places to improve, places I was doing well, aspirations, goals, regrets, you name it.  It's probably where this blog has been leading me for some time now.  I once started typing here as a place to tell silly stories and hopefully make some people smile/laugh, but it was so therapeutic getting my thoughts out that I started working out some serious issues in this medium, and it's been immensely helpful over the years (http://www.sincerelygoofy.blogspot.ca/2013/11/the-need-to-be-liked.html, http://www.sincerelygoofy.blogspot.ca/2014/06/green-grass.html)

So culminating in one big 5 month spew of thoughts onto paper, covering a huge variety of topics from buying a cottage to managing finances to exercise to eating healthily to friendships to being childfree to nature to my career to living life with purpose - you name it, I contemplated it. I read about AA one time (concerned for a friend - I still can't handle more than 3 drinks even if I wanted to #lightweightforlife) and it always stuck with me that a key first step on the road to recovery was to do a searching, brutally honest, self inventory where you basically lay out the contents of your head/soul and get really real with yourself about areas that need improvement, as well as just the honest clutter of truths that are feelings that live within you.  I pictured my manifesto as a tidy black and white notebook with my brain sprinkled across all the pages! :D

It was easy to get off track and wind up on crazy tangents.  I also made a lot of jokes - I think it's kind of funny that I'm just trying make myself laugh since I will never let anyone read my Soul Inventory!  But the most important thing I did was create "I will" statements throughout each entry and put a big star in a circle beside them.  "I will work out 3x/week".  It's a level of exercise that's manageable for me - I've tried 5-6 days; I've tried once a week; I've tried weekend warrior, I've tried consecutive months of inactivity...eep - I know from many years of testing that 3x/week is achievable, doable and beneficial.  So it's in.  Big star in a circle.  Done.  "I will prioritize alone time".  Why I have to keep learning the lesson that I fall apart when my schedule is too booked and I overdo it with social obligations is beyond me, but I'm hoping this big star in a circle next to permission to let myself be quietly alone when I can tell I need it (or even BEFORE I need it) will be the last time I need that lesson 'taught'.  "I will focus on paying off the car by the end of 2016" - it re-centered me to focus on debt repayment and away from thinking of other things to do with $ that aren't a priority right now (e.g. saving for a cottage I'll likely never work up the nerve/savings to buy :D).  You get the picture - lots of "to do"s and I respond very well to to do lists.

Issue - those big stars in circles were scattered across 100+ pages of writing and I would pick up the book on and off all summer long and add to chapters as it suited me - how do you keep track of all those "to do"s!?  So I decided an appropriate birthday present to myself would be to consolidate my list of action items, provide a bit of a status update for myself (pat on the back! or: get down to business, lady!) and have the list handy for reference as I move on from the first third of my life into the second third.  Three is my lucky number, so turning 33 on November 3 and contemplating my 1/3-life crisis felt just like the right thing to do.  There is no wrong time to take an inventory of your life and aim it in the right direction - not saying that path will always be walked in a very straight line, but at least it's nice to check in and make sure you're still heading where you want to go, being the person you want to be.

My BFF's fiance Dan really took to my chapter "Time" where I figured out what was a valuable and not so valuable way to spend time, so I thought I'd share my ridiculous list if it might be helpful for anyone else (you will likely need to replace things like "reality tv" and "facebook" with your own personal vices, should you wish to adopt this way of thinking ;)). Dan and I had a real moment when we were canoeing (with Dawn and Jeff - I'm not just sweeping Dan away on nature adventures) last summer when we realized we were completing four Category A activities at once (spending time in nature, meaningful interactions with people we care about, exercise AND relaxation!).

Ok so the rough breakdown here is a goal to spend 75% of time on Category A activities; 20% of time on Category B activities and < 5% of time on Category C activities.  Since this careful mathematical formula was contrived while I was exhausted after fieldwork one night, high on lake views and caffeine, and plain drunk on manifesto-ing, you'll understand it's highly flexible/adaptable! Inevitable and not included on the list are sleeping, working and bathing. lol.

Category A (i.e. What I Consider Worthwhile Ways to Spend My Time)
- exercise (light or heavy)
- cooking and consuming healthy/delicious meals
- learning (reading non-fiction, watching docs, taking courses, etc.)
- pursuing hobbies/interests
- financial planning (Nov 5 2015 ed: that is so lame)
- nature appreciation
- relaxation (reading; campfires; country drives, etc.)
- writing*
- acts of generosity (helping friends/family in need, volunteering)
- meaningful interactions with people I care about

Category B (i.e. What I Consider Borderline Worthwhile Ways to Spend My Time)
- watching m'stories (I didn't write that.. watching TV is what is says - it also then says "I love my shows - Bachelor, Biggest Loser, Downton Abbey, Grey's and How to Get Away with Murder; I like a good hockey game" - poor Leafs, can't get no respect even in the off season)
- spending time on my appearance (hair, clothes, makeup)
- thinking about work/catching up on work outside of work hours
- housework/grocery shopping
- napping (often a necessary evil)

Category C (i.e. What I Consider Poor Uses of Time)
- worrying
- watching mindless TV - anything outside "my shows" or hockey; may be bumped to Category A if I'm snuggling with Jeff - non-touching TV time doesn't count :)
- interactions with people who bring me down
- browsing facebook/the internet

* truth: the reason I am in here writing a blog entry tonight is because tonight was risking turning into a big old Category C of watching mindless TV alone if I didn't move my butt off the couch!

I still think the categories need some work, but it's interesting how much of my life actually slots into those groups!  I have never once quantified my time according to percentages, but I am certainly aware when I've been lingering on the Book of Face for too long and it's time to get moving, and I grumble about housework but recognize it's ok - a good thing to do, a necessary evil, and I feel really extra great and special when I combine things I love like when I sat under the willow tree in our backyard the other day that was raining yellow leaves all over me and my manifesto, and I wrote, and enjoyed nature and petted Bailey and kissed Jeff and thought: all is well in this Category A world!  Category C's last point spawned a massive tangent about my love-hate relationship that is social media.  Definite Essena O'Neill moment of feeling how hollow it can all be.  I hate to see people "curating" an image, that isn't reflective of real life.  I hate when I catch myself in an overly exuberant sharing moment and think: "what if you just made someone struggling with the opposite end of this issue feel like crap?".  For awhile now I've been trying to balance posts - negative with positive.  That's life, isn't it?  I just want to be more authentic.  And if I/others can't be, well then I'll be spending even less time on that Category C activity in the future and - I dunno - doing yoga while working in a soup kitchen outdoors in nature balancing my budget in an Excel sheet on a laptop? ;)  Hey, a girl can dream.

My manifesto landed me with a BIG to do list.  But I feel confident seeing it all laid out - the person I want to stop being, the one I want to continue to be and the one I would like to grow to be.  I like having a path, goals, a plan, and, really, dreams. I was very excited to learn last week that my good friend Erica is walking a parallel road beside me, waving to me with one hand and a self-help book in the other.  Who knows why some of us weirdos become so deeply interested in self-improvement?? I was suspecting that I was becoming so introspective because this is typically what happens to people in their 40s once their kids are more independent and I was just getting there 10-15 years early because I'm childfree.  But Erica, whilst walking this path, amazingly, has three kids attached to her!! :) It was nice to know I wasn't alone out there in the woods (while lifting weights and blogging and sauteeing veggies.. haha..)

On my radar this week:
- breaking habit loops associated with stress eating
- reducing sugar and increasing whole foods
- generosity (charity curling tournament here we come!)

I realize I've been writing a lot of the same things again and again over the years - sometimes I forget I've written them before and am surprised they're not new ideas.  Life is just a lot to process - and it's really helpful to have a place to come to to lay out the contents of my brain and make sure everything's still in fairly good working order. :)  Cheers to blogs and manifestos, and patience of the people I love to support me on my many varied, dissected, analyzed and beloved journeys. :)