On Thursday, I physically and emotionally went to a place I've never been before. The physical place was a courthouse. The emotional place was watching the sentence hearing for the murderer Philip Grandine. Do me a favour.. if you aren't aware of this news story, please close this blog entry right now. I need to vent some of my toxic feelings, but the last thing I want to do is take anyone else down with me.
For those who are familiar with this story that's been in the news over the past several weeks, and several years (http://www.thestar.com/news/crime/2014/11/28/crown_argues_expastor_philip_grandine_drowned_his_pregnant_wife.html) feel free to come along on this crappy journey and note that my goal by the end of writing this is to land on a positive note!
If you opened the link, you've seen my best friend Dawn's good friend Karissa, looking simply sweet and beautiful! I never knew Karissa but I did know how much Dawn loved her. What I remember from their enduring friendship (having worked together at their moms' company, Aviva) was that Dawn always talked about how sweet Karissa was, how it was so unfair that someone like her suffer from such health issues (she had liver problems that caused health complications) and how Karissa was always super positive and strong, no matter what she was up against!
Three years ago Karissa was killed. Six months after that her husband Philip was arrested for her murder. Seemingly a million years later he was tried for her murder and the jury somehow found him guilty of only manslaughter. I can't bear to share the details of this case - too sick, too sad.. but if you read just 2-3 articles it will be quite clear that intent to kill was there. But, I suppose for some waffling juror that conclusion was just not without a shadow of a doubt. So, manslaughter.. a conviction that can carry a sentence of 6 months, or 20 years. It's now up to the judge to decide what sort of sentence Philip will get.
Dawn was asked by Karissa's lovely mother, who I was lucky to meet on Thursday (she's a pillar of strength, this sweet, tiny woman), to write a victim impact statement. There were over 30 of these written and presented to the judge who is now in charge of determining the fate of this trial. Several incredibly brave people, including my incredibly brave best friend, read their statements aloud in court on Thursday. I went with Dawn for support as I thought it could be a tough day. She was acting like she'd be fine, but just the thought that she was about to be in the same room with Philip was unbearable for me and I knew I had to do anything I could, even if that something was not very much.
Some friend I am. I went there to be strong for my friend and instead I ended up gasping for breath with tears streaming down my face just the same as her. We watched a murderer be released from handcuffs and placed in the prisoner's box. A murderer sat not 25 feet away from us. (fuck "alleged"- I'm not a reporter and he is absolutely guilty) We watched Karissa's mom place a beautiful picture of Karissa on the witness box and read her statement, trying so hard to be strong, but breaking down in tears a number of times while she lamented for the loss she felt, and the times she woke in the night yelling "no!" in fear and anguish for the loss of her daughter. We watched Karissa's lovely sister Hannah read her statement, which was a testament to Karissa's kind spirit but also a eulogy to what had been lost from her life - Karissa was her best friend, and cheerleader and support system and she feels the loss every.. single.. day. I just held on to Dawn because I knew she needed it, but I needed it too. Karissa's friend Lynette read her statement, showing just how big of a hole her passing had left in her life. I gave her some tissues and patted her shoulder when she came back, telling her she did a good job, because she was there all alone, because her best friend wasn't there to support her.. because she was gone. Finally it was my best friend's turn to read and I swear I was on the stand with Dawn. We've always been empathetic with one another but this was intense. I cried when she cried. I gripped my hands when hers were shaking. I nodded when she looked at me to show her she was doing great. I looked at Philip's face to see his reaction to this beautifully written memorial and truthful statement of loss that Dawn was articulating so well, but there was simply vacant nothing on his face.
Dawn came back to me and I put my arm around her and didn't let her go for a long time. Right after her was someone from Karissa and Philip's church who before reading his statement shot daggers toward Philip with his eyes and said "look at me, you coward" in the most hateful tone. I remember clutching Dawn's arm tightly because of the hate you could feel coming from this man, and I felt an almost giddy rush of emotions because finally someone was saying what we were all thinking. Still, no reaction on Philip's face. There were more folks from the church, more family members and more friends who read statements. At the end of it there had been a very clear and very beautiful picture painted of a very beautiful person.
Karissa wasn't just anyone. I always knew that from Dawn's stories, but this just solidified it that much more. Some people in this world are genuinely "special snowflakes", but the real kind, and she was one of them. She was generous, selfless, giving, devoted to her family, a forgiving and gracious wife (even after finding out about her husband's many indiscretions), funny, sweet, kind, and with a real love for other people and of life itself. On top of that, Karissa was pregnant, and more excited than anything about the impending arrival of her baby who she had nicknamed Jellybean (this came out in at least three separate victim impact statements that were read, a fact I found very endearing). To have her life ripped away by someone who could have simply left the marriage if he was unhappy was so unthinkable. When does murder become an option? What is so wrong in this world that that is ever an answer, for anyone? Why take two lives??
Dawn and I wandered through many emotional states together that day. Not helped by the fact that what I feel she feels, and what she feels I feel. We were furious - we mostly took this out on the defense lawyer who was 15 minutes late ("the weather, your honour" - yes, it was snowing in Toronto for all of us, you jackass, and we still made it on time) and then immediately requested a 30 minute recess (which the judge granted!) so he could read the Victim Impact Statements. As if that isn't his job? We were sick to our stomachs - seeing the notice posted outside the courtroom that read "Philip Grandine; Murder" made us feel like we were in some tv show that you couldn't change the channel on, or stop watching altogether. We were eventually numb. Which was probably a protective mechanism orchestrated by our nervous systems. We stayed in a weird state of shock well into the next day which was eventually solved with a good strong dose of booze in both our cases. Or perhaps it was just the passing of time, or distraction of good friends.
I somehow stomached my work Christmas party that night as I was stuck in Toronto due to snow anyways, though it was unbelievable the contrast between the 2013 party and this one. Watching the president of our charity sing his own lyrics to the tune of popular Christmas songs somehow just didn't strike me as quite as funny as it had the year before. The conversations I had with my wonderful coworkers just weren't as hilarious and interesting as they usually are. The only thing I remember that had much in the way of feelings associated with it was hugging my beautiful coworker who has been diagnosed with cancer and is bravely fighting through it. She hugged me for a good 30 seconds, during which time I felt like she was hugging my heart. I've always thought she was a bit of a special one too, so maybe that had something to do with it. I grabbed a second hug on the way out, hoping to give her a bit of strength and hope back!
I came home, hugged the dog for 10 minutes, hugged Jeff for another 10, bawled myself to sleep and then put out a plea to friends and family to tell me how I could start to help make the world a light and happy place again, after this terrible awakening that this stuff doesn't just happen on tv but is a stark reality of this often seriously cruel and twisted world.
I was so pleased at what I got back! Volunteer opportunities, a great list of random acts of kindness (http://www.guelphcf.ca/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=Iqi9Yclh57M%3D&tabid=101), suggestions about being my (typically) happy self, being a good friend, being a good social citizen and of course jokes about drinking (though I swear, those 2 huge glasses of wine the next night really did the trick!). Dawn and I decided that because we can't reverse this awful thing that happened we can do our best to honour Karissa's memory by being a little bit more like her every day. So we are both working towards being just a little better and putting a little bit of Karissa's kindness back into the world. Dawn mentioned in her statement that the world is a worse place for having lost Karissa, so maybe between us we can make it a fraction or two better again.
Thanks to everyone who was supportive of me when I needed it (esp. Dawn, Kyla, Keyla, Jeff, Aynsley, my mom, Laura and Cara). I feel a bit embarrassed about how upset I was over the whole thing when I didn't even know her. But my feelings were so vivid and my pain was so sharp I just felt the need to get it out of my heart and into some words, and make sure to state my mission to be a better person to honour Karissa's memory. It's a great time of year for being a better you, so thank you to the food and clothing donation boxes and pay it forward opportunities that abound right now. The real challenge (but the one I'm most interested in) is keeping it going into the new year, beyond 2015 and for life. This life is so short and I can only hope I get to stick around awhile longer and try to make a difference in it.
R.I.P. Karissa. and know you are so missed by all your loved ones. You truly touched their lives and inspired people to be better than they were, and better than they are. For that, you will live on forever.
And for anyone curious, sentencing for Philip will take place on Jan 9, 2015. The crown prosecutor (who was shaking visibly during her final submissions to the judge on Thursday and stammering through her remarks - definitely not like on tv; she is a real person too..) is asking for 15-18 years while the idiot defense lawyer is asking for 6 months - 2 years. All I want is Philip alone, denied of comfort, and contemplating exactly what he did and hopefully feeling some seriously deep regret, for as long as humanly possible. Fingers crossed he gets a good fraction of the sentence he actually deserves. It won't bring her back, but it will bring some small measure of peace to those involved, and that is the absolute least these poor people deserve.
Stay safe, lovely friends.
Monday, 15 December 2014
Wednesday, 26 November 2014
Purpose
I'm so utterly exhausted I feel like I'm drunk. As such, I feel that my mind is quite open and has been contemplating some larger ideas today. Mainly around purpose.
I am committed to the idea that life should have meaning. I'm not a superhero who expects every moment to be jam packed with significance, but I do not want to look back on, say, my early 30s, and be really proud of the fact that I spent nearly every night sprawled on the couch watching tv! I don't want to be proud that I read x amount of webpages in a day. I don't want to be proud that I entered and rated 10 more beers on my Untappd app on my phone (which admittedly, is pretty addictive and threatens to turn me into a pot-bellied beer guzzler ASAP!).
Instead....I want to be proud that I took my dog that extra block on our walk in the snowstorm, because it made him so happy. I want to be proud that I spent quality time with my husband, either curled up and chatting about our days or cooking a nice meal together. I want to create something, whether it be homemade protein bars to put in our lunches this week or a piece of writing that I can be proud of (or confused reading later..wondering if I was indeed drunk). I want to connect with my friends and family - either over the phone, or even better, in person. I want to exercise and treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. I want to write my novel. I want to discover if there's something in life I'm even MORE passionate about than nature and writing - something I might be missing! I want to volunteer my time to make the world a better place.
Because.. and this is quite existential, and my atheist tendings will show here... none of this, this life, actually means anything. At the end of the day, you get this one shot.. these 70-100 years (if you're lucky!)... and it's up to YOU to make something out of them before time blinks and your shot is over. No one else is going to give meaning to your life. (this is me lecturing myself, by the way, not you!! people often think I'm talking to them with my posts :)) If you don't take charge of giving your life meaning and purpose, I'm afraid it might not ever happen!
It's so easy to let the days tick by in a flurry of motion. Frig.. we are SO busy. I read today that we're the busiest and most stressed we've ever been, societally and particularly in women in their 20s and 30s. It is VERY easy for my day to look like this: wake up, walk the dog, eat breakfast, go to work, work 8 hours, come home, lay on the couch, eat crackers for dinner, tidy the kitchen (or bedroom, or living room, insert portion of square footage here), pay some bills or balance the budget, watch a show with Jeff, grab a bath, dry my hair, head to bed. (And I realize the luxury that THAT schedule must sound like to a busy parent!!) It is sometimes too tempting to let every single day move by me like that and before you know it, it's Friday - the weekend - a chance to really DO some things!! But what about Monday - Friday? Am I to write them off for the rest of my working life? That's like.. some percentage I can't calculate now.. let's go with a fraction... 5/7ths of my working life!!!!
So I'm challenging myself to break the mold. Not to say I'm NOT going to watch that rerun of Felicity or episode of the Biggest Loser (I am addicted!) when I get home from work, with my feet propped up on a pillow. Because a little downtime is necessary. But after that.. it's time to move my ass.. and move my brain.. and move my soul! Because I certainly don't want people at my funeral reflecting on how relaxed and well-rested I was. How much Netflix I watched. I want more! I'm not entirely sure what I can achieve, but I know what lights up the "purpose" centres in my brain so far (writing, creating, spending quality time with people I love) and what doesn't (tv, generally being in a reclined position, looking at Facebook) so I figure that's a good place to start.
I'm on a constant quest for self-improvement! I'm starting to think that's what this blog, and I, are really all about. But then again, I did hit my kneecap with a mallet today and nearly collapse into a sinkhole in a mushy stream channel.. and I did drink a giant hot chocolate at 2:30 p.m. followed by eating McDonalds for dinner at 4 p.m.... so perhaps the reserved purpose of having this blog to make fun of myself is still alive and well. How do we feel about a combo of both!?!? (While I'm on the subject, I was reminded today of my stupidest comment of the summer, when I asked a coworker who mentioned he had an office in a supposedly haunted house if "he had confirmed the existence of ghosts?". I meant had he seen the supposed ghost, not had he ventured beyond the realm of science to prove that ghosts are real. People are still laughing at me.)
I will have to keep you posted on my journey of purpose... though tonight I will continue to digest my giant mid-afternoon comfort food gorging, continue to watch the Leafs on the couch with the hubs and go to bed at 9:30 p.m.. Fieldwork.. she's a killer! (though full of great purpose.. hence getting to take the evening off from living a purposeful life.. hehe)
Wishing you all purpose, and happiness. ........I think I'm on a happiness mission!
I am committed to the idea that life should have meaning. I'm not a superhero who expects every moment to be jam packed with significance, but I do not want to look back on, say, my early 30s, and be really proud of the fact that I spent nearly every night sprawled on the couch watching tv! I don't want to be proud that I read x amount of webpages in a day. I don't want to be proud that I entered and rated 10 more beers on my Untappd app on my phone (which admittedly, is pretty addictive and threatens to turn me into a pot-bellied beer guzzler ASAP!).
Instead....I want to be proud that I took my dog that extra block on our walk in the snowstorm, because it made him so happy. I want to be proud that I spent quality time with my husband, either curled up and chatting about our days or cooking a nice meal together. I want to create something, whether it be homemade protein bars to put in our lunches this week or a piece of writing that I can be proud of (or confused reading later..wondering if I was indeed drunk). I want to connect with my friends and family - either over the phone, or even better, in person. I want to exercise and treat my body the way it deserves to be treated. I want to write my novel. I want to discover if there's something in life I'm even MORE passionate about than nature and writing - something I might be missing! I want to volunteer my time to make the world a better place.
Because.. and this is quite existential, and my atheist tendings will show here... none of this, this life, actually means anything. At the end of the day, you get this one shot.. these 70-100 years (if you're lucky!)... and it's up to YOU to make something out of them before time blinks and your shot is over. No one else is going to give meaning to your life. (this is me lecturing myself, by the way, not you!! people often think I'm talking to them with my posts :)) If you don't take charge of giving your life meaning and purpose, I'm afraid it might not ever happen!
It's so easy to let the days tick by in a flurry of motion. Frig.. we are SO busy. I read today that we're the busiest and most stressed we've ever been, societally and particularly in women in their 20s and 30s. It is VERY easy for my day to look like this: wake up, walk the dog, eat breakfast, go to work, work 8 hours, come home, lay on the couch, eat crackers for dinner, tidy the kitchen (or bedroom, or living room, insert portion of square footage here), pay some bills or balance the budget, watch a show with Jeff, grab a bath, dry my hair, head to bed. (And I realize the luxury that THAT schedule must sound like to a busy parent!!) It is sometimes too tempting to let every single day move by me like that and before you know it, it's Friday - the weekend - a chance to really DO some things!! But what about Monday - Friday? Am I to write them off for the rest of my working life? That's like.. some percentage I can't calculate now.. let's go with a fraction... 5/7ths of my working life!!!!
So I'm challenging myself to break the mold. Not to say I'm NOT going to watch that rerun of Felicity or episode of the Biggest Loser (I am addicted!) when I get home from work, with my feet propped up on a pillow. Because a little downtime is necessary. But after that.. it's time to move my ass.. and move my brain.. and move my soul! Because I certainly don't want people at my funeral reflecting on how relaxed and well-rested I was. How much Netflix I watched. I want more! I'm not entirely sure what I can achieve, but I know what lights up the "purpose" centres in my brain so far (writing, creating, spending quality time with people I love) and what doesn't (tv, generally being in a reclined position, looking at Facebook) so I figure that's a good place to start.
I'm on a constant quest for self-improvement! I'm starting to think that's what this blog, and I, are really all about. But then again, I did hit my kneecap with a mallet today and nearly collapse into a sinkhole in a mushy stream channel.. and I did drink a giant hot chocolate at 2:30 p.m. followed by eating McDonalds for dinner at 4 p.m.... so perhaps the reserved purpose of having this blog to make fun of myself is still alive and well. How do we feel about a combo of both!?!? (While I'm on the subject, I was reminded today of my stupidest comment of the summer, when I asked a coworker who mentioned he had an office in a supposedly haunted house if "he had confirmed the existence of ghosts?". I meant had he seen the supposed ghost, not had he ventured beyond the realm of science to prove that ghosts are real. People are still laughing at me.)
I will have to keep you posted on my journey of purpose... though tonight I will continue to digest my giant mid-afternoon comfort food gorging, continue to watch the Leafs on the couch with the hubs and go to bed at 9:30 p.m.. Fieldwork.. she's a killer! (though full of great purpose.. hence getting to take the evening off from living a purposeful life.. hehe)
Wishing you all purpose, and happiness. ........I think I'm on a happiness mission!
Monday, 10 November 2014
Happy?
First of all: Worst. Blogger. Ever. I try not to miss months, but I failed as October flew on by in a frenzy.
In exciting news - I had a big work accomplishment finish off successfully (many of you have heard me talk about "taking the pond offline" - well, the new bypass channel has been constructed, vegetated, and now we wait until next fall to flow the water through - woohoo!) and I have once again come indoors for the season (it feels SOGOOD to write that, every year, never fails!). I'm a happy pappy.. or so I thought........
Last night I read and shared an article that had been posted on facebook (http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People) and it really got me wondering about the elusive concept of happiness. I'll preface this by saying that I've read about studies that have conclusively proved that people who actively seek happiness are the least happy.. so probably I should just stop here. But.. I ... can't... stop.... Self-analysis is such a huge part of my life!!! MUST KNOW IF I'M DOING THE RIGHT THINGS TO BE HAPPY!
As I read the article I had a couple of smug "ha - well I don't do THAT! so I'm happy! I win!" moments, followed immediately by "oops.. I'm totally guilty of that.. I lose." I thought it would be a nice exercise in self reflection to go through the list and maybe if you're reading this you can go through it with me and think about areas you can improve or are feeling pretty proud of yourself about. Then at the end - we shall decide if we're happy! Sound fun? Let's go!
1. Chronic Complaining
"The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening."
Ok - I certainly know how to air my grievances and vent BUT I am obsessed with finding a place in my life where nothing is wrong and I strive to have nothing wrong. I HATE IT when something's wrong! (and when it is I totally complain about it). But I think I get a pass on this one because I actively work towards solving problems and finding solutions and I know I'm a good listener when people need to vent out their own problems (though I still think I could be an even better listener.. ever find when you're supposed to be the listener you end up sharing your own similar stories? I'm not sure how useful that actually is)
2. Retail Therapy
Insert smug reaction here - I am so cheap I definitely don't go shopping to cheer myself up. Shopping depresses me because it means I spent money and there is that much money left to spend in my budget now. Jeff and I have definitely prioritized spending $ on experiences over things. Oh shoot.. remove smug reaction... because of that new sports car we just bought. CRAP! But I definitely wasn't "shopping for a high" with that one.. spending that money HURT!!! But the car has already brought us some fun weekend adventures together that would have been way less cool otherwise (convertibles rule!) so I'm going to put two tires of 'Fiddy' in the "experience" category and two tires in the "stuff" category!
3. Binge Drinking.
My binge drinking consists of having more than 2 drinks in a night and happens about once a month. I think I've got this one under control. Though hangovers are getting wickeder with age, it's still usually worth the trade-off of having gotten to have a fun night out with friends :)
4. Worrying About the Future
"Could you get laid off? Maybe. Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup. The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it. As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now."
I do not worry too much about the future. I like to keep my worry in the present! ;) I would say I'm pretty into what's happening in my life right now. This is what makes saving for retirement so bloody painful. That's like WAY down the line... COME ON!
5. Waiting for the Future.
As in - I'm not happy now but when Event X happens, THEN I'll be happy! I have done this at times in my life for sure. At the end of elementary school I couldn't wait to get to high school (it was a definite upgrade). When I was renting an apartment, I couldn't wait to buy a house (upgrade! expensive, time-consuming, lovely upgrade!). When I was dating Jeff I couldn't wait to get engaged/married (surprise again, upgrade!). However, I no longer feel this way. There is not another Event X that I'm waiting for - I'm content with the now and look forward to my immediate and short-term tomorrows. I actually think the future is going to start to go downhill in many ways.. we're only going to get wrinklier, more sore, more tired and more lame.. I'm all for the now! :) (I'm sensing there's a red flag in there somewhere....)
5. Lack of Hobbies
"Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT hobbies."
I was really disappointed to hear that part - since my days mainly consist of working, cleaning my damn house and relaxing in front of a Leafs game or movie or (insert terrible teen or reality show here). ;) I absolutely recognize I'm failing on the front of keeping my hobbies at the forefront. A few of my hobbies are hiking, writing, birding. Before I had Bailey I'd probably do those things approximately 2x/year. Now I have an excuse to hike more (antsy dog) but I'm really failing on the other stuff and have been for some time. I always try to use this glorious time in fall when I come in from the field to get back into some of my hobbies. Case in point, I am currently writing in my blog and tomorrow I am going birding and I WILL find a Barred Owl! But I could definitely use some improvement here!
6. Eating Healthy
We've all heard about Kristyn1 and Kristyn2. Kristyn1 is here right now (love her) so I am currently eating very well. We dropped almost $250 on groceries this weekend (Guelph Costco, you kill me) in an attempt to make more food at home and buy less takeout so we BEST be eating healthy!!! ;) I can attest that after Halloween candy for dinner last Friday and far too much wine and chocolate on Sunday that eating poorly makes me feel VERY poorly and eating healthy is the way. Ongoing life goal: live "the way" more than 50% of the time!
7. Talking Poorly of Others
"...instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around."
Oooh I sure am guilty of this one. I recently made a vow to go a little bit easier on everyone in my life and give people a break. I have such high standards and expectations for people and that is so unfair and just sets everyone up to feel disappointed/sad. Useless! Over it and really going to work to be better. This is good advice above, especially the "at first it might be hard" part. ........ (D, do we need to attend group therapy to learn how to spend our time complimenting people behind their backs??? this concept sounds kind of crazy to me! uh-oh.. am I defending talking smack?! CRAP!)
8. Holding Grudges
I have just about let the big one go, but I can't imagine ever feeling POSITIVE feelings toward this person. I can't believe how much it all hurt. Further still, I can't believe HOW LONG AGO it was - ugh! It is really time to move on.
I forgive you (it's hard not to type "you crazy asshole" behind that).
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I'm moving on.
(that actually did some very powerful things inside me)
9. Stop Learning
Smug reaction! I am always learning. Whether it's part of work/hobbies (overlap in the naturalist world), or new recipes, or even just asking questions to learn more about hockey while Jeff and I watch a game I LOVE to learn and know I'll always have a hunger for it!
10. Not Following Through
Smug feelings gone. I cannot write more than a chapter per YEAR in my novel. I want so badly to finish my first book and see if I could make anything of it - even if it's just to bind it and give it to my step-grandma, the ultimate cheerleader of my writing - but here I sit, not following through. And I think about this constantly, everytime I'm reading something about how you can achieve anything you want, you just have to try! I'm wracked with guilt. YUP this is a serious draining source of my energy. I better get 'er done... put that one in the parking lot for now, but I'll be back! (or maybe I'll go write my novel instead of blogging later about how I'm not writing it... that would be useful!)
11. Hating Your Job
I love my job. More every day that passes, actually. I recognize this is somewhat rare, and know how lucky I am.
12. Loneliness
I will admit to this one. The culture of texting, social media and way too much information available to distract at all times has sucked me into its web, and I spend far too much time alone, or just with my hubs, and I really miss my friends.... and I don't do enough to remedy this, and I tend towards being lonely. Also, I swear people seem triumphant when they turn down plans sometimes and that kinda stings - "can you do x this weekend?" "nope! got other plans!". Oh... *sad Eeyore me*. I'm sure there isn't actually triumph there, but a kindness/softness lacking? Then this Eeyore-ness self-perpetuates with me not reaching out more. Which makes me sadder. Holy unhappiness cycle. I don't know how to fix this one! Suck it up and pick up the phone more?? I really should! I hate how we don't call each other anymore, plans are so infrequent, and I miss you all xxx
13. Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind
Ooooh they are hard to get out. But I haven't been haunted by anything lately, so I'll cross this one off. I like the article's advice:
"When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else. You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus."
GEEEZ long list. I'm getting bored which means you are too, so I'll just add the last few I thought relevant:
- Worrying what others think - yes! But I've been actively working to overcome this by living by a mantra of: do your best, be a good person, go to bed at night happy with who you are and the rest will fall into place. Still, self-consciousness grabs me hugely sometimes! Insecurity rears it's ugly head! But I am working hard to build more confidence in me and just simply be a good person. I won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok. But I'll be happy with me and the right people who think I'm pretty awesome too will find their way into my life (many are already here) and stay there. That's the plan anyways.
- Letting strangers affect your mood. UGH totally guilty of this. Case in point guy at movies who was so rude about me having my feet on the seat that he wasn't even sitting in yet. I had been so happy and his unnecessary crustiness totally brought me down! I never should have let it! (later I kicked his seat a bit because he kept rocking it into my kneecaps.. so much for being a good person lol)
- Wanting more money. Well who the hell doesn't?. But I don't waste energy thinking about this because it's utterly pointless - why freak out about what you can't change, or aren't willing to make sacrifices to change (I hear the private sector actually pays.. but you won't find me working there.. so be it!)
Upon review of this rambling, I have determined that I'm probably about 75% happy. Once upon a time I made a criteria that I only wanted to date someone who was happy at least 80% of the time. So I'm almost as awesome as someone 22 year old Kristyn want to date - hey, that's not so bad! I really am actively working on a few of the things I've discussed above.
I challenge anyone reading to think about one habit you could lose to help you on your path to happiness! All I want for everyone in this world is for them to be happy. If we were all happy, imagine the things we could achieve and the pain that we could stop inflicting on one another.
To happiness!!!
P.S. I realize after all this reflecting I'm really due to share some hijinxy stories - I will get to work on falling down a large hill, or doing something comparably stupid that I may share!!
In exciting news - I had a big work accomplishment finish off successfully (many of you have heard me talk about "taking the pond offline" - well, the new bypass channel has been constructed, vegetated, and now we wait until next fall to flow the water through - woohoo!) and I have once again come indoors for the season (it feels SOGOOD to write that, every year, never fails!). I'm a happy pappy.. or so I thought........
Last night I read and shared an article that had been posted on facebook (http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People) and it really got me wondering about the elusive concept of happiness. I'll preface this by saying that I've read about studies that have conclusively proved that people who actively seek happiness are the least happy.. so probably I should just stop here. But.. I ... can't... stop.... Self-analysis is such a huge part of my life!!! MUST KNOW IF I'M DOING THE RIGHT THINGS TO BE HAPPY!
As I read the article I had a couple of smug "ha - well I don't do THAT! so I'm happy! I win!" moments, followed immediately by "oops.. I'm totally guilty of that.. I lose." I thought it would be a nice exercise in self reflection to go through the list and maybe if you're reading this you can go through it with me and think about areas you can improve or are feeling pretty proud of yourself about. Then at the end - we shall decide if we're happy! Sound fun? Let's go!
1. Chronic Complaining
"The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening."
Ok - I certainly know how to air my grievances and vent BUT I am obsessed with finding a place in my life where nothing is wrong and I strive to have nothing wrong. I HATE IT when something's wrong! (and when it is I totally complain about it). But I think I get a pass on this one because I actively work towards solving problems and finding solutions and I know I'm a good listener when people need to vent out their own problems (though I still think I could be an even better listener.. ever find when you're supposed to be the listener you end up sharing your own similar stories? I'm not sure how useful that actually is)
2. Retail Therapy
Insert smug reaction here - I am so cheap I definitely don't go shopping to cheer myself up. Shopping depresses me because it means I spent money and there is that much money left to spend in my budget now. Jeff and I have definitely prioritized spending $ on experiences over things. Oh shoot.. remove smug reaction... because of that new sports car we just bought. CRAP! But I definitely wasn't "shopping for a high" with that one.. spending that money HURT!!! But the car has already brought us some fun weekend adventures together that would have been way less cool otherwise (convertibles rule!) so I'm going to put two tires of 'Fiddy' in the "experience" category and two tires in the "stuff" category!
3. Binge Drinking.
My binge drinking consists of having more than 2 drinks in a night and happens about once a month. I think I've got this one under control. Though hangovers are getting wickeder with age, it's still usually worth the trade-off of having gotten to have a fun night out with friends :)
4. Worrying About the Future
"Could you get laid off? Maybe. Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup. The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it. As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now."
I do not worry too much about the future. I like to keep my worry in the present! ;) I would say I'm pretty into what's happening in my life right now. This is what makes saving for retirement so bloody painful. That's like WAY down the line... COME ON!
5. Waiting for the Future.
As in - I'm not happy now but when Event X happens, THEN I'll be happy! I have done this at times in my life for sure. At the end of elementary school I couldn't wait to get to high school (it was a definite upgrade). When I was renting an apartment, I couldn't wait to buy a house (upgrade! expensive, time-consuming, lovely upgrade!). When I was dating Jeff I couldn't wait to get engaged/married (surprise again, upgrade!). However, I no longer feel this way. There is not another Event X that I'm waiting for - I'm content with the now and look forward to my immediate and short-term tomorrows. I actually think the future is going to start to go downhill in many ways.. we're only going to get wrinklier, more sore, more tired and more lame.. I'm all for the now! :) (I'm sensing there's a red flag in there somewhere....)
5. Lack of Hobbies
"Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT hobbies."
I was really disappointed to hear that part - since my days mainly consist of working, cleaning my damn house and relaxing in front of a Leafs game or movie or (insert terrible teen or reality show here). ;) I absolutely recognize I'm failing on the front of keeping my hobbies at the forefront. A few of my hobbies are hiking, writing, birding. Before I had Bailey I'd probably do those things approximately 2x/year. Now I have an excuse to hike more (antsy dog) but I'm really failing on the other stuff and have been for some time. I always try to use this glorious time in fall when I come in from the field to get back into some of my hobbies. Case in point, I am currently writing in my blog and tomorrow I am going birding and I WILL find a Barred Owl! But I could definitely use some improvement here!
6. Eating Healthy
We've all heard about Kristyn1 and Kristyn2. Kristyn1 is here right now (love her) so I am currently eating very well. We dropped almost $250 on groceries this weekend (Guelph Costco, you kill me) in an attempt to make more food at home and buy less takeout so we BEST be eating healthy!!! ;) I can attest that after Halloween candy for dinner last Friday and far too much wine and chocolate on Sunday that eating poorly makes me feel VERY poorly and eating healthy is the way. Ongoing life goal: live "the way" more than 50% of the time!
7. Talking Poorly of Others
"...instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around."
Oooh I sure am guilty of this one. I recently made a vow to go a little bit easier on everyone in my life and give people a break. I have such high standards and expectations for people and that is so unfair and just sets everyone up to feel disappointed/sad. Useless! Over it and really going to work to be better. This is good advice above, especially the "at first it might be hard" part. ........ (D, do we need to attend group therapy to learn how to spend our time complimenting people behind their backs??? this concept sounds kind of crazy to me! uh-oh.. am I defending talking smack?! CRAP!)
8. Holding Grudges
I have just about let the big one go, but I can't imagine ever feeling POSITIVE feelings toward this person. I can't believe how much it all hurt. Further still, I can't believe HOW LONG AGO it was - ugh! It is really time to move on.
I forgive you (it's hard not to type "you crazy asshole" behind that).
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you.
I'm moving on.
(that actually did some very powerful things inside me)
9. Stop Learning
Smug reaction! I am always learning. Whether it's part of work/hobbies (overlap in the naturalist world), or new recipes, or even just asking questions to learn more about hockey while Jeff and I watch a game I LOVE to learn and know I'll always have a hunger for it!
10. Not Following Through
Smug feelings gone. I cannot write more than a chapter per YEAR in my novel. I want so badly to finish my first book and see if I could make anything of it - even if it's just to bind it and give it to my step-grandma, the ultimate cheerleader of my writing - but here I sit, not following through. And I think about this constantly, everytime I'm reading something about how you can achieve anything you want, you just have to try! I'm wracked with guilt. YUP this is a serious draining source of my energy. I better get 'er done... put that one in the parking lot for now, but I'll be back! (or maybe I'll go write my novel instead of blogging later about how I'm not writing it... that would be useful!)
11. Hating Your Job
I love my job. More every day that passes, actually. I recognize this is somewhat rare, and know how lucky I am.
12. Loneliness
I will admit to this one. The culture of texting, social media and way too much information available to distract at all times has sucked me into its web, and I spend far too much time alone, or just with my hubs, and I really miss my friends.... and I don't do enough to remedy this, and I tend towards being lonely. Also, I swear people seem triumphant when they turn down plans sometimes and that kinda stings - "can you do x this weekend?" "nope! got other plans!". Oh... *sad Eeyore me*. I'm sure there isn't actually triumph there, but a kindness/softness lacking? Then this Eeyore-ness self-perpetuates with me not reaching out more. Which makes me sadder. Holy unhappiness cycle. I don't know how to fix this one! Suck it up and pick up the phone more?? I really should! I hate how we don't call each other anymore, plans are so infrequent, and I miss you all xxx
13. Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind
Ooooh they are hard to get out. But I haven't been haunted by anything lately, so I'll cross this one off. I like the article's advice:
"When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else. You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus."
GEEEZ long list. I'm getting bored which means you are too, so I'll just add the last few I thought relevant:
- Worrying what others think - yes! But I've been actively working to overcome this by living by a mantra of: do your best, be a good person, go to bed at night happy with who you are and the rest will fall into place. Still, self-consciousness grabs me hugely sometimes! Insecurity rears it's ugly head! But I am working hard to build more confidence in me and just simply be a good person. I won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok. But I'll be happy with me and the right people who think I'm pretty awesome too will find their way into my life (many are already here) and stay there. That's the plan anyways.
- Letting strangers affect your mood. UGH totally guilty of this. Case in point guy at movies who was so rude about me having my feet on the seat that he wasn't even sitting in yet. I had been so happy and his unnecessary crustiness totally brought me down! I never should have let it! (later I kicked his seat a bit because he kept rocking it into my kneecaps.. so much for being a good person lol)
- Wanting more money. Well who the hell doesn't?. But I don't waste energy thinking about this because it's utterly pointless - why freak out about what you can't change, or aren't willing to make sacrifices to change (I hear the private sector actually pays.. but you won't find me working there.. so be it!)
Upon review of this rambling, I have determined that I'm probably about 75% happy. Once upon a time I made a criteria that I only wanted to date someone who was happy at least 80% of the time. So I'm almost as awesome as someone 22 year old Kristyn want to date - hey, that's not so bad! I really am actively working on a few of the things I've discussed above.
I challenge anyone reading to think about one habit you could lose to help you on your path to happiness! All I want for everyone in this world is for them to be happy. If we were all happy, imagine the things we could achieve and the pain that we could stop inflicting on one another.
To happiness!!!
P.S. I realize after all this reflecting I'm really due to share some hijinxy stories - I will get to work on falling down a large hill, or doing something comparably stupid that I may share!!
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Adventures of a New Cyclist
Cycling definitely runs in my family. My grandpa was an avid cyclist, cycling into his 80s. His kids, my mom and her brother, picked it up bigtime and it was a usual event in my house growing up to have my mom disappear for most of a Saturday morning out on a ride (often meeting my grandpa for lunch afterwards at the IBM country club - this is such a lovely image in my mind! :)). My mom put me on a bike when I was pretty young, and I rode it pretty regularly until I was about 12-13. Then I was a teenager, rebelling against anything that could be considered uncool (though rollerblading and wearing terrible clothes made the cut.. go figure!). I brought my bike to university, where it sat for three years, unused in our shed. I gave up after that. I finally picked it up again in 2011, in my valiant attempt at wedding weight loss. It was terrifying getting back on a bike after all those years off - I felt so unstable!! But once I started riding it to work occasionally I was feeling back in the saddle (small issue: was same bike purchased when I was 11). Busy summers don't leave a lot of time for riding, and last summer my mom said "if you haven't taken it up by now, you never will. I'm giving up hope." Never one to turn down a challenge, or not be that rebellious teenager doing the opposite of what my mom said, I picked up a hybrid bike this spring and went out a grand total of at least 7x this summer. Not exactly Tour de France material, but I am on the bike and loving it! My most fun ride was me and Jeff's massive tour of Guelph that took us all the way from the far east end of town to the city limit on the west and down to Pam and James' for a much needed water refill on the "way home"! I clocked around 25 km that night, which was awesome. I also loved riding Canada Day weekend with Jeff when we got to watch a variety of fireworks on the way home as the darkness settled over the sky. My most successful ride was 35 km with my parents and Jeff in the flat and fabulous Niagara-on-the-Lake. Maintaining a speed of over 20 km/hr was a breeze down there! (around these parts I'm 18 km/hr average if I push!). But taking the cake for the category of most ridiculous, hijinx-filled ride goes to: TODAY!
Jeff was slammed after a long day of roofing yesterday and took to the couch pretty hard today. Inspired by the rapidly approaching end of field season (3 more days this week, then I come insiiiiiiide!!!!!!) and its promise of return to regular life, I decided to kick start my much talked about/dreamed about "healthy lifestyle" today, instead of waiting for Friday when I'm officially done and done (healthy today logically followed behind pizza and Reese peanut butter ice cream sandwich Saturday - oh it was so good, as I eat my bowl of dry popcorn... noooo junk food why must you be so delicious?!!). So off I went on a ride that I started to get pretty excited about when I decided I'd stick mostly to conservation trails and parks in Guelph. Jeff's been riding his new road bike all summer, so me and my hybrid have been mostly sticking to roads with him.. but I looove a gravel trail ride and the views of nature they tend to afford!! :) Eastview Park was amazing! The fall colours are already spectacular, and as I have a "thing" for dappled sunlight, it made for the perfect jaunt around the ~4 km loop through there. I had a "mountain biking" moment when I realized the place Bailey and I usually cut across by foot is a steep grassy hill, which had a mud puddle at the bottom today after the big rain this morning - and let's be clear, the most adventurous thing I've ridden on is a gravel trail, or sometimes a moment of grass to get around an obstacle - so I just held my breath, pushed my bike down the tiny, 1 m hill, and came out alive, much to my surprise. ;) The gravel trails around the city were full of washouts today after the rain, so I was having to do some slick maneuvering (or so I thought... foreshadowing alert!). I rode the craziest path ever between the Angel's plaza and the river downtown - it was a bumpy disaster, but I just made sure my bike's suspension was unlocked, and came out the other side in one piece! Great views along the Speed River.. more of that dappled sunlight. And I emerged at Gordon, wanting to head east across the road to pick my way home. Of course there were 97,000 cars coming down both sides of Gordon, at all times, unrelenting, as I tried to make a left out of the driveway of the Speed River park. I finally gave up and hung a right, crossing further up the street. It was at this time I noticed another cyclist in front of me, heading down a dead end side street so instead of heading back along the north side of the Eramosa River as planned, I decided to see where this guy was going! He got to the end of the street and whizzed right, disappearing into the bushes. So I decided to follow him! Let me be clear, I never saw this clearly professional mountain biker again he was going so fast, and before I knew it the trail "we" were on had seriously narrowed to one of those one lane dirt trails heading deep into the forest, and suddenly I was a mountain biker....
Flashback to 2008 - my oped was published in the Environmentalist punishing mountain bikers who stray off trail. I'll include my favourite of all the forums that bashed me for weeks - this one goes on for 25 pages! happy reading! - http://www.pinkbike.com/forum/listcomments/?threadid=26017 My only regret about this article was not stating sooner that I'm not opposed to mountain biking ON TRAILS.. it's freeriding (riding off trail) that was my concern. However, for some reason (dramatic flair?) I saved the mention of sticking to trails until the very end, and the short attention span of a population of morons led to some fun e-harassment including threats to me, my home, threats of showing up at my workplace, facebook stalking/angry messages, etc. etc. - awwwwwesome! This did a great job of shaping my view of the community of mountain bikers, to the point where even though I'd initially not been opposed to riding on trails (they're already ruined, so just stay on them!) I became a hater of mountain bikers as a whole. Unfair to paint them all with the same brush, I know, especially that people I'm quite fond of like my husband are mountain bikers, but it was involuntary in the face of all the evil! ;)
**rant over
So here I am, suddenly riding through a forest on a very narrow trail.. on my relatively narrow wheels, and my average speed has dropped down to a sad 11 km/hr. I'm making my terror face nearly the entire time, trying to navigate around roots, sticks and especially rocks, which keep knocking my back wheel and sending my back end askew. AH! I have to admit riding through the puddles was a bit fun. However, this puddle was a bit unmanageable:
After I'd finished portaging over this (I'm sure that's the correct word right ;)), I realized I must be about halfway toward my destination of Victoria Rd. I figured this trail must emerge somewhere around there, as some more recreational trails can be found on the other side of Victoria and I'd hiked those before.. wide, gravelly, lovely... just gotta get there! Well.. I didn't connect the dots that when I went under the giant bridge, that was Victoria.. I just had my eyes trained on the constantly changing ground, trying to avoid those damn giant boulder rocks! A couple of times I gave up and walked my bike - navigating boulders uphill.. ummm.. I have enough trouble riding uphill on paved roads, no thanks! I passed hikers and was completely confused about where they'd came from as it seemed I'd been in the depths of the wilderness between the Eramosa River and god knows where for at least 2 hours by bike (reality: I was back there for almost 40 minutes - RunKeeper keeps my exaggerations to a minimum.. but still.. that's ridiculous). Suddenly I'm riding beside railroad tracks and feeling extremely disoriented. But I passed a runner, and a hiker, and knew I must be somewhere near civilization. I had to "portage" again over the tracks which was very disorienting (but I was relieved to see the trail on the other side of the tracks when it had looked like it was just going to end and leave me stranded on the tracks!). As I continued my silly adventure, I found that every time I looked up to try to enjoy the view or orient myself I would careen right off the trail due to my terrible sense of balance and coordination. So I just trained my eyes downwards and kept on my way. Finally.. cars! Then I had the sad realization that this was going to be Stone Rd., wasn't it. Yes... Stone Rd it was. And there, parallel to the nonsense 1 foot wide rut I'd been riding on was a wide gravel trail for strollin' and hybrid bikin'. Insert Sideshow Bob stepping on rake-esque "yeeuhhhhh-ahhhh" here. Anyways, emerging onto a road quite far south from where I lived I realized I had two options: to go UP Stone Rd. W to Victoria (a kinder journey home), or go UP Stone Rd. E to then go UP Watson in the direction of home (Watson = entirely uphill). Or there was the potential of heading DOWN Watson and riding off into oblivion, possibly laying down in a creek and waiting for coyotes to eat me, but somehow, unbelievably that road actually goes UP as well (Guelph: the city that scoffs in the face of science!). While I contemplated where to go, I went to take a long haul of water from my water bottle as a reward for making it out of the forest alive, and ended up with a giant clod of mud in my mouth. Nope, you can't make this stuff up. So picture me riding, spitting and and freaking out along Stone Rd., then spitting water onto the mouthpiece of the water bottle to "wash" it. Delightful. Mouth rinsed, I decided that UP Stone and UP WATSON I would go. After a fun moment in the Stone/Watson intersection where I tried not to lose all my momentum with a driver who was obviously unaware it was a 4 way stop, and me making lots of what I thought were helpful hand explanations, I bombed through the intersection, past that damn patch of Phragmites, and started my long journey uphill home. But as soon I made that left turn I was smacked in the face with an insane 30 km/hr headwind coming from the north. MY GOD! I just kept pedaling, and pedaling, relieved when I could finally hide from traffic on the conservation trails near-ish to my house, so I could ride in gear 4 (I'm usually somewhere around 15-18! I swear!) at a snail's pace. I almost cried at the last hill on my journey.. my legs were burning and my butt and back were so sore from all that bouncing around the forest. But I held it together and miraculously made it home.
I rolled into my house, literally caked with mud, cheeks aflame, helmet-freed hair a sad disaster and crawled up the stairs to a waiting Jeff, who asked "tough ride?". "Yes," I replied. "I accidentally went mountain biking for an hour, then rode for 20 minutes straight uphill into the wind."
BUT I managed to put in 25 km which is nothing to shake a stick at in hilly Guelph. And it was a GREAT workout on this healthiest of Sundays. And my bubble bath afterwards was the best thing that had ever happened to me. AND I certainly had a new wild adventure and you can't have too many new, wild adventures in this life... even if you spend a solid 40 minutes wincing your best terror face, and realizing that 2006 Op-ed Writing Kristyn had it right: she is most certainly NOT into mountain biking!!
Jeff was slammed after a long day of roofing yesterday and took to the couch pretty hard today. Inspired by the rapidly approaching end of field season (3 more days this week, then I come insiiiiiiide!!!!!!) and its promise of return to regular life, I decided to kick start my much talked about/dreamed about "healthy lifestyle" today, instead of waiting for Friday when I'm officially done and done (healthy today logically followed behind pizza and Reese peanut butter ice cream sandwich Saturday - oh it was so good, as I eat my bowl of dry popcorn... noooo junk food why must you be so delicious?!!). So off I went on a ride that I started to get pretty excited about when I decided I'd stick mostly to conservation trails and parks in Guelph. Jeff's been riding his new road bike all summer, so me and my hybrid have been mostly sticking to roads with him.. but I looove a gravel trail ride and the views of nature they tend to afford!! :) Eastview Park was amazing! The fall colours are already spectacular, and as I have a "thing" for dappled sunlight, it made for the perfect jaunt around the ~4 km loop through there. I had a "mountain biking" moment when I realized the place Bailey and I usually cut across by foot is a steep grassy hill, which had a mud puddle at the bottom today after the big rain this morning - and let's be clear, the most adventurous thing I've ridden on is a gravel trail, or sometimes a moment of grass to get around an obstacle - so I just held my breath, pushed my bike down the tiny, 1 m hill, and came out alive, much to my surprise. ;) The gravel trails around the city were full of washouts today after the rain, so I was having to do some slick maneuvering (or so I thought... foreshadowing alert!). I rode the craziest path ever between the Angel's plaza and the river downtown - it was a bumpy disaster, but I just made sure my bike's suspension was unlocked, and came out the other side in one piece! Great views along the Speed River.. more of that dappled sunlight. And I emerged at Gordon, wanting to head east across the road to pick my way home. Of course there were 97,000 cars coming down both sides of Gordon, at all times, unrelenting, as I tried to make a left out of the driveway of the Speed River park. I finally gave up and hung a right, crossing further up the street. It was at this time I noticed another cyclist in front of me, heading down a dead end side street so instead of heading back along the north side of the Eramosa River as planned, I decided to see where this guy was going! He got to the end of the street and whizzed right, disappearing into the bushes. So I decided to follow him! Let me be clear, I never saw this clearly professional mountain biker again he was going so fast, and before I knew it the trail "we" were on had seriously narrowed to one of those one lane dirt trails heading deep into the forest, and suddenly I was a mountain biker....
Flashback to 2008 - my oped was published in the Environmentalist punishing mountain bikers who stray off trail. I'll include my favourite of all the forums that bashed me for weeks - this one goes on for 25 pages! happy reading! - http://www.pinkbike.com/forum/listcomments/?threadid=26017 My only regret about this article was not stating sooner that I'm not opposed to mountain biking ON TRAILS.. it's freeriding (riding off trail) that was my concern. However, for some reason (dramatic flair?) I saved the mention of sticking to trails until the very end, and the short attention span of a population of morons led to some fun e-harassment including threats to me, my home, threats of showing up at my workplace, facebook stalking/angry messages, etc. etc. - awwwwwesome! This did a great job of shaping my view of the community of mountain bikers, to the point where even though I'd initially not been opposed to riding on trails (they're already ruined, so just stay on them!) I became a hater of mountain bikers as a whole. Unfair to paint them all with the same brush, I know, especially that people I'm quite fond of like my husband are mountain bikers, but it was involuntary in the face of all the evil! ;)
**rant over
So here I am, suddenly riding through a forest on a very narrow trail.. on my relatively narrow wheels, and my average speed has dropped down to a sad 11 km/hr. I'm making my terror face nearly the entire time, trying to navigate around roots, sticks and especially rocks, which keep knocking my back wheel and sending my back end askew. AH! I have to admit riding through the puddles was a bit fun. However, this puddle was a bit unmanageable:
 |
| I like the pathetic attempt at a boardwalk - that made me laugh |
I rolled into my house, literally caked with mud, cheeks aflame, helmet-freed hair a sad disaster and crawled up the stairs to a waiting Jeff, who asked "tough ride?". "Yes," I replied. "I accidentally went mountain biking for an hour, then rode for 20 minutes straight uphill into the wind."
BUT I managed to put in 25 km which is nothing to shake a stick at in hilly Guelph. And it was a GREAT workout on this healthiest of Sundays. And my bubble bath afterwards was the best thing that had ever happened to me. AND I certainly had a new wild adventure and you can't have too many new, wild adventures in this life... even if you spend a solid 40 minutes wincing your best terror face, and realizing that 2006 Op-ed Writing Kristyn had it right: she is most certainly NOT into mountain biking!!
 |
| "Portaging" on my crazy trail- I'd already decided to blog about this, so took this pic as I know my blogs are a bit word heavy. Perhaps I shall include a couple more things to amuse you.. |
 |
| Kilometers 14 - 19: the path of misery |
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| This is my bike, only I have the 2013 model and it's silver with purple writing (kinda girly but was a great sale :)) |
Tuesday, 9 September 2014
Riotous
I just want to keep riding my Riotfest high from the weekend, because weekdays are significantly less fun than spending time in the beautiful outdoors with good friends watching great bands perform! Who designed this life anyways? Why can't I do that every day?! ;)
Just a quick shout out about what was so great about my weekend. And let me clarify that the name of the festival reflects its punk rock roots but it's turned into more of an eclectic mix of artists from all different genres, all with roots in rocking out :) When I told people I was going to "Riotfest" they seemed scared. My financial controller told me to have a good time watching "The Curse" - I corrected "it's the CURE!" - "ok.. bye".
The Food
When there isn't a single healthy thing to eat it is 100% acceptable to have ice cream for lunch, pizza for dinner, and beer for hydration on Day 1. Poutine for dinner, funnel cake for dessert and, again, beer for hydration made up Day 2. Excellent. What was that I'd said last week about getting back on the healthy train? Ok, ok, hold on, I will ;)
The Weather
We had two excellent days of late summer weather. Cold September didn't disappoint! After the 40C Friday we'd just expereinced, 23C Saturday and Sunday were more than welcome! Gorgeous sunshine, clear skies, cool nights (perfect for sweaters, or being shoulder to shoulder with a million sweaty strangers for warmth) - awesome! The rain on Friday night had left Downsview Park a muddy disaster but at least we all knew that going in and wore shoes we didn't mind having to throw out at the end of the weekend.
The Hijinx
Of course there were some of those. They included the two hour journey from Liberty Village to Downsview Park (at some point during the weekend I saw something on Google maps that cited the distance between the festival and downtown as only 11 miles which was very upsetting for 2 hours of my life I'm never getting back). The subway full of teenagers in concert t-shirts and girls in short shorts displaying upper leg tattoos (discreetly coded by Dawn and I as "LTs") was a bit worrying on the way in. I'm happy to report though that the average age was much closer to 23 than 16 - ya! I am getting so tired of feeling like a grandmother at concerts. Though at no moment did I feel more like a grandma than during Metric, when we'd jockeyed hard for a spot near the front and as a result found ourselves surrounded by towering, redwood-like young boys (I asked one how tall he was - 6'5 - and there were four of them), drunken moshpitters (no!!!) one of which kicked me hard in the shin (took everything I had not to kick him back), and the guy who stood so close to Dan they were essentially spooning.
My Best Friend
Just a shout out to Dawn who knew how important seeing The Cure would be for me and shelled out nearly $200 for a ticket so she could come along with me. She also rocked out and sang along to The Cure even though her knee was killing her from standing all day and she was clearly exhausted. I hope I was able to make "birthday fest" really fun for her to say thanks for making my summer by joining me at this concert AND letting me sleep in her bed AND letting me sleep in as late as I wanted in the morning. She's a gem and a half, that one!
And of course a shout out to Dan who made sure that I had an excellent vantage points for all the bands I wanted to see. Both Dawn and Dan's line of the weekend was "ya, I've heard OF them". What troopers - best concert buddies ever! :)
The Freaking Bands
I don't even know where to start. It wasn't just the big names and the closers that were amazing. It was like everyone was amazing! We started with Taking Back Sunday - they were great! AWOLNATION - I like one song (who doesn't love Sail) but found myself just dancing along the whole time their performance had so much energy! Brand New has fallen off my radar since the days of Sic Transit Gloria.. Glory Fades but it was so great hearing them (and that song! my 22 year old self thought this video was the greatest thing of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3YVKTxTOgU) again even if there was a drunk shirtless guy rolling around on the grass in front of me during the performance and I was alone with him for about 20 minutes while Dawn and Dan got food.....
Death from Above 1979 are another band I like, but of course now love after watching them perform. The lead singer, in his weird white shorty overalls and no shirt, made fun of Barrie and Orillia and was immediately warmed to my heart.
We checked out Billy Talent next who thankfully played songs from their only good album (first one) that I wanted to sing along to. Luckily we escaped before Dawn had a chance to do her rendition of "Nothing to Loooooose!!!" (only Katie will understand that reference :)). We left so we could grab a good spot for The Cure (which was obviously my band of the night) though this meant saying bye to Ryan, my former soccer buddy and neighbour, who I'd been trying to find all day via text and then actually physically looking for at Billy Talent, and then gave up. Of course he ended up standing exactly right beside me at Billy Talent and it took us at least 10 minutes to notice this. Haha.
THE CURE WERE UNREAL. I don't want to be boring and gush and gush but I will just say that Robert Smith is about a million years old and still one of the most talented singers, musicians, performers that I know. Great energy, hilarious tiny dance moves and played hit after hit including Just Like Heaven, my top favourite song from age 7 through to right now when it still makes my Top 5 Favourite All Time Song List. Check out my boy, still rocking hard to Just Like Heaven, nearly 30 years later:
That was just Day 1!! I swear, I'm trying to be brief here :) Day 2 we came back a little later to save our grandparent feet from another full day of walking/standing. This meant I got to have brunch with the lovely Nicole at a lovely restaurant downtown so obviously the day was off to a good start (did I mention I also got to sleep in and have a perfectly uninterrupted sleep with no snoring Jeff or crying Bailey? OH MAN good start to the day! ;)). I also had an unplanned couch nap which was probably a good thing as I'd been so sick all week! Ok.. so we're back! Ready to rock! Dan was sure I'd like the Dropkick Murphys if I liked Great Big Sea but they were a bit too badass for my Celtic heart. Plus they talked about the Leafs losing to the Bruins in the playoffs in 2013 which actually hurts my heart to think about and was painful to type just now, so they lost major points.. but still rocked out pretty hard.
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE were fantastic!
I felt a bit like I was missing a limb watching them without Dave who's been with me all three times I've seen them but Dawn made up for it by turning around at least 10x to exclaim "this song is so Dave Cristo!". Haha. I loved Ben's business casual attire while he sang just beautifully and played songs I'd forgotten all about and ones that totally hit the right notes, like Long Division, which I've tributed by listening to 10x in the past three days. I also dug Codes and Keys (their 2011 album that got lost in the shuffle and I never listened to fully) out of my CD case (grandma alert pt. 3) and listened to it all day today.. simply lovely. So that was a resurrection of an old love that I am so grateful for! And frig, this night just kept going! THE NATIONAL! METRIC! Who I don't even like anymore but put on an amazing show and admittedly made me a bit emotional during the part where the whole audience got to sing/finish Breathing Underwater. During this show, however, I was touched, kicked, had my ear sung into by the monotone guy, laughing hysterically at the madness and craning my neck over the Sea of Tall for a view - I was not feeling the love of the crowd at the end of this set but at least it makes for our most ridiculous memories of the weekend.
For City and Colour I was happy to watch from the back of the crowd. Not sure why Dallas slowed down everything so much, and butchered a fave of mine, Coming Home, by Mr. Jonesing the tune of the song so no one could sing along. I'm coming home, you jerk! He redeemed himself with a few goodies, capped off by Two Coins which I sang all the way to my car - so he's still in my good books. Especially that I could just listen to that voice all life long.
Some aggressive nosing out of the parking lot (who parks anywhere but right at the front? not my problem you didn't think of it, assholes!), a cruise along the 407 blasting Transatlanticism and I was home ("'cuz it's too important - to stay the way it's beeeeeee-eeeeen!"). Exhausted but on a total concert high - which I still totally am - can you tell?!
Music is most certainly my drug of choice.
Just a quick shout out about what was so great about my weekend. And let me clarify that the name of the festival reflects its punk rock roots but it's turned into more of an eclectic mix of artists from all different genres, all with roots in rocking out :) When I told people I was going to "Riotfest" they seemed scared. My financial controller told me to have a good time watching "The Curse" - I corrected "it's the CURE!" - "ok.. bye".
The Food
When there isn't a single healthy thing to eat it is 100% acceptable to have ice cream for lunch, pizza for dinner, and beer for hydration on Day 1. Poutine for dinner, funnel cake for dessert and, again, beer for hydration made up Day 2. Excellent. What was that I'd said last week about getting back on the healthy train? Ok, ok, hold on, I will ;)
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| Dawn's face full of funnel cake is for sure the best part |
We had two excellent days of late summer weather. Cold September didn't disappoint! After the 40C Friday we'd just expereinced, 23C Saturday and Sunday were more than welcome! Gorgeous sunshine, clear skies, cool nights (perfect for sweaters, or being shoulder to shoulder with a million sweaty strangers for warmth) - awesome! The rain on Friday night had left Downsview Park a muddy disaster but at least we all knew that going in and wore shoes we didn't mind having to throw out at the end of the weekend.
The Hijinx
Of course there were some of those. They included the two hour journey from Liberty Village to Downsview Park (at some point during the weekend I saw something on Google maps that cited the distance between the festival and downtown as only 11 miles which was very upsetting for 2 hours of my life I'm never getting back). The subway full of teenagers in concert t-shirts and girls in short shorts displaying upper leg tattoos (discreetly coded by Dawn and I as "LTs") was a bit worrying on the way in. I'm happy to report though that the average age was much closer to 23 than 16 - ya! I am getting so tired of feeling like a grandmother at concerts. Though at no moment did I feel more like a grandma than during Metric, when we'd jockeyed hard for a spot near the front and as a result found ourselves surrounded by towering, redwood-like young boys (I asked one how tall he was - 6'5 - and there were four of them), drunken moshpitters (no!!!) one of which kicked me hard in the shin (took everything I had not to kick him back), and the guy who stood so close to Dan they were essentially spooning.
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| Note Dan is turned sideways to reduce the sexuality of the encounter with this young man |
Just a shout out to Dawn who knew how important seeing The Cure would be for me and shelled out nearly $200 for a ticket so she could come along with me. She also rocked out and sang along to The Cure even though her knee was killing her from standing all day and she was clearly exhausted. I hope I was able to make "birthday fest" really fun for her to say thanks for making my summer by joining me at this concert AND letting me sleep in her bed AND letting me sleep in as late as I wanted in the morning. She's a gem and a half, that one!
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| I was threatened that I wasn't to show this picture for punishment of death so I cropped her head - what a badass festival goer! Dawn rocking out to Billy Talent. |
The Freaking Bands
I don't even know where to start. It wasn't just the big names and the closers that were amazing. It was like everyone was amazing! We started with Taking Back Sunday - they were great! AWOLNATION - I like one song (who doesn't love Sail) but found myself just dancing along the whole time their performance had so much energy! Brand New has fallen off my radar since the days of Sic Transit Gloria.. Glory Fades but it was so great hearing them (and that song! my 22 year old self thought this video was the greatest thing of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3YVKTxTOgU) again even if there was a drunk shirtless guy rolling around on the grass in front of me during the performance and I was alone with him for about 20 minutes while Dawn and Dan got food.....
Death from Above 1979 are another band I like, but of course now love after watching them perform. The lead singer, in his weird white shorty overalls and no shirt, made fun of Barrie and Orillia and was immediately warmed to my heart.
 |
| Death from Above 1979 |
THE CURE WERE UNREAL. I don't want to be boring and gush and gush but I will just say that Robert Smith is about a million years old and still one of the most talented singers, musicians, performers that I know. Great energy, hilarious tiny dance moves and played hit after hit including Just Like Heaven, my top favourite song from age 7 through to right now when it still makes my Top 5 Favourite All Time Song List. Check out my boy, still rocking hard to Just Like Heaven, nearly 30 years later:
That was just Day 1!! I swear, I'm trying to be brief here :) Day 2 we came back a little later to save our grandparent feet from another full day of walking/standing. This meant I got to have brunch with the lovely Nicole at a lovely restaurant downtown so obviously the day was off to a good start (did I mention I also got to sleep in and have a perfectly uninterrupted sleep with no snoring Jeff or crying Bailey? OH MAN good start to the day! ;)). I also had an unplanned couch nap which was probably a good thing as I'd been so sick all week! Ok.. so we're back! Ready to rock! Dan was sure I'd like the Dropkick Murphys if I liked Great Big Sea but they were a bit too badass for my Celtic heart. Plus they talked about the Leafs losing to the Bruins in the playoffs in 2013 which actually hurts my heart to think about and was painful to type just now, so they lost major points.. but still rocked out pretty hard.
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE were fantastic!
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| Death Cab - photo by Short Kristyn |
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| Death Cab - photo by Tall Ryan (it's like we were at different shows) |
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| Metric - discernible only by the order these pictures were in ;) |
Some aggressive nosing out of the parking lot (who parks anywhere but right at the front? not my problem you didn't think of it, assholes!), a cruise along the 407 blasting Transatlanticism and I was home ("'cuz it's too important - to stay the way it's beeeeeee-eeeeen!"). Exhausted but on a total concert high - which I still totally am - can you tell?!
Music is most certainly my drug of choice.
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
The Edge of the Cliff
As a preview to this post, please feel free to peruse this one from spring 2012. Back then, I was contemplating the 2 Kristyns that live within me - the really healthy one who cooks, exercises regularly and doesn't fall off the wagon of a healthy lifestyle everytime a tasty treat is presented to her (let's face it.. this life is full of tasty treats!) and the one who relishes a slovenly life of chilling out on the couch, elbow deep in a tub of ice cream, grinning wildly. Somewhere between these 2 Kristyns I was hoping to find a balance, and a healthy lifestyle. That was 2 years ago.. I'm still on this mission.
This past March I had a really excellent conversation with someone who challenged me to put away my scale, my bodybugg, my measuring tape and all my other weight loss/weight maintenance paraphenalia and really try to live in between these two Kristyns. The principles are the same I outlined all the way back in March 2012:
- eat relatively well, focusing on cooking healthy meals at home
- stop eating when you're full (we talked a bit about punishment eating, where you're full but for some reason you're almost mad at yourself and keep cramming it in? YIKES!)
- allow yourself to have treats when you want them, knowing treats will always be available so there's no need to eat ALL THE TREATS
- stop measuring health by the number on the scale and instead use how well your clothes fit and how you feel
- exercise a few times a week
It was really weird to stop counting calories for the first time in as long as I can remember. Over the past 6 months, some counting has crept back in (when something is both a lifelong habit and an effective way to measure how much you're (over)eating, it's hard to keep it at bay!) but for the most part I just tried to focus on putting healthy things in me as much as I could and stopping eating when I was full. It's not that easy though, is it? I don't always stop when I'm full, because some food is delicious! Especially the stuff that's really bad for me! UGH!
I have greatly enjoyed the reprieve from the scale. My pants all still fit (somewhat..) so I know that I don't need to be on the scale having the battle with those 2-3 pounds that likely don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Plus, does this happen to anyone else, I noticed that when I'd be down a few pounds I'd reward myself with eating.. and when I was up a couple of pounds I'd be sad and comfort myself with eating. Not a particularly effective strategy! I actually have only been weighed ONCE in 6 months (for a former scale addict, this is crazy!) and it was at the doc's office and I gotta say I didn't LOVE the number, but it wasn't the worst thing I've seen (up about 8 lbs from my wedding weight for a reference point to anyone following this silly journey). With my summer of nearly non-stop hiking when I'm out in the field, plus at least 1-2 dog walks per day with Bailey, at least I know I am relatively mobile and therefore can`t pack on 20 lbs without trying REALLY hard! I worry though about how much precious muscle has turned to flab and how my heart and other valuable are functioning without high intensity cardio - wish I could know more about the inner workings of me.. it might be an interesting wake up call!
All that aside, I feel that I'm teetering on some sort of edge here. I've barely been cooking, and that means dinner mostly consists of whatever's in the fridge/garden/pantry which isn't always the best thing. Accidentally planting 24 tomato plants instead of the 6 I'd planned for mean there are so many cherry tomatoes I'd feel guilt NOT to make caprese salad almost every day which has been great. However, the all too tempting bowl of cereal or peanut butter on toast dinner looms.. and with that the all too troublesome "I don't want to eat cereal for dinner.. what can I pick up from x local fast food restaurant?!". So while I'm managing to stay on the edge of this cliff, which I picture shaped as a pair of my jeans which still.. JUST BARELY.. fit... I wanted to take a moment to check myself.. before I wreck myself.. and have an honest chat with myself and the internet about my plan going forward to ensure I can cling to this side of jeans fitting and a healthy life. I have absolutely no idea what is about to come out of my fingertips onto the keyboard!
In an ideal world everyone in my life would stop encouraging me to eat badly because "we're out!" "it's a treat!" "how often do you get dessert anyways?" (often, people, the answer is OFTEN!). I already comfort eat the crap out of life when I'm in the field. When I walk 15km a day in rubber boots or got my shoe stuck in ANOTHER mucky wetland (at least 10x this season), you can bet I'm going to be packing in some ice cream that evening. So my life isn't exactly some healthy beacon during the week, which would allow for gratuitous eating all weekend long. I get the sense this is what most of my peer pressure friends and family do, so news bulletin that the weekends are often my chance to redeem myself!!! If anyone is reading this who hangs out with me regularly, please help me resist the all to great temptation that is junk food. Maybe we can all mind our own foody business and then this pressured group eating will stop. And don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty of it as the next person. If I'm eating badly, you're coming down with me! There`s also the contagious eating that happens without any peer pressure at all. Last night my neighbours put out a giant platter of candy and chips while we watched Bachelor in Paradise in our pjs together. Had they not been all over the chips and candy I probably would have sat back instead of diving in with my face.. but there they were, two people who I consider fit and healthy, eating away.. well if they can eat all the candy, so can I! Such a bad mentality. I've got to be more on point with thinking about what I want to put in my body, what I want to consume and let's be honest, what I should and should not consume and let that be my guiding force - not the actions, and words of the people around me. To the end of guilt/group eating! (because if I say "I'll try".. I probably won't. Must just do.)
Cooking. If I was tech savvy enough to find an emoticon that was sobbing, I would use that. I really like cooking, but I've had absolutely no desire to cook for the past ~4 months. It was like after Italy no food could be that good, so dinner was to be cheese and crackers. Jeff has also fallen off the cooking wagon, hard, onto a bowl of yogurt and a box of protein bars. We are not helping one another. We don't know why, but neither of us feels like cooking AT ALL so we barely do. Anytime we make a nice meal, we rave about how great it is, and how we should do this more often. I don't know what the hindrance is.. my intern Laura told me that she spends about 1 hour per night cooking, consuming and tidying up after dinner. To me, 1 hour is worth it's weight in gold during the busy summer and I can't even imagine doing that.. or finding the energy or motivation to do that. I feel like I'm super bored of all my staple dishes and anything interesting I want to make I don't have all the ingredients for, and I`m probably not going to make it to the store before I`m ravenous for dinner, so gimme the cheese and crackers! I'm hoping that the return to regular life that accompanies the onset of fall will with it spur a desire to cook. Part of the truth is I have always liked baking more than cooking.. but that only yields sugary, floury, fatty results.. delicious ones but not as nutritionally sound as basically anything that I might cook for dinner. At this point I would like to give a shout out to parents who have to work, take care of kids and cook due to needing to put vegetables into your childrens mouths. You're my heroes - don't know how you do it (necessity? don't think I'll be trying that experiment though! ;)) - and would I be able to borrow you for a few weeks to come cook me some wholesome dishes and get me excited about cooking again?
Exercise. To add to my ridiculous list of injuries that forced me to give up running, always a staple part of my cardio program, I injured my Achilles tendon this spring. So put the already buggered left knee, left hip, the upper and lower back in there, and basically all I'm left with is arms and neck, both of which are attached to my upper back which hurts pretty much all the time. Plus, working towards ropy forearms and a toned neck isn't my idea of motivating. ;) I think the answer here is to power through the pain, starting gently and slowly, to build up all the muscles I've been neglecting over the years due to fear of injury and of course put all the emphasis on activities I can do.. which mostly just includes walking and that's only if I stretch out my calves really well so my Achilles don't hurt. On that note, would anyone like to trade bodies with me? No takers!? That's outrageous! I guess I should just be grateful that I can walk, skip, jump and play with my puppy even if I've got creaks and crinks at the ripe old age of 31.
So those seem like three good pillars to work around. Get exercise back in my life (when I'm done being sick.. this weekend I could barely walk up the stairs without keeling over!). Cook a couple of interesting/healthy meals a week when I'm home. Learn that I'm in control of what I put in my mouth, not anyone else, and when I've had enough treats in one week (and I know where that breaking point is) say to myself "let's be nice to our body and not eat that". My stomach, inside and out, will probably thank me!
It was a lovely idea, this "don't care and it will all work out". I definitely like some of the principles behind it, like keeping my scale tucked away in the closet and using my pants as my measuring device. But I think I was a little too naive, and broken, to figure I could throw all the rules out the window and still achieve the level of fitness and health I want. Those things take work, and it's work I've put in before and will be more than happy to put in again.
Now, downstairs to eat caprese salad #178 of the season, followed by some delicious mango I just thawed (Costco frozen precut mango people, that stuff is the sh*t!) and 2 squares of dark chocolate to keep me sane. Tonight if I'm feeling any better (sick days mostly just make you feel frustrated you can`t do all the things you want to do with all your free time!) I may cook us up something using the ever-growing pile of untouched meat in the freezer and surprise Jeff. I'll have to report back to keep me honest about what I served us, and hoping that result will not be "two bowls of raisin bran". Though once again - there is no try is there? I WILL make some dinner tonight and be grateful that I'm able to access healthy ingredients and have a nice kitchen to cook in, and 2 healthy legs to stand on. Hoorah!
Stay tuned...
This past March I had a really excellent conversation with someone who challenged me to put away my scale, my bodybugg, my measuring tape and all my other weight loss/weight maintenance paraphenalia and really try to live in between these two Kristyns. The principles are the same I outlined all the way back in March 2012:
- eat relatively well, focusing on cooking healthy meals at home
- stop eating when you're full (we talked a bit about punishment eating, where you're full but for some reason you're almost mad at yourself and keep cramming it in? YIKES!)
- allow yourself to have treats when you want them, knowing treats will always be available so there's no need to eat ALL THE TREATS
- stop measuring health by the number on the scale and instead use how well your clothes fit and how you feel
- exercise a few times a week
It was really weird to stop counting calories for the first time in as long as I can remember. Over the past 6 months, some counting has crept back in (when something is both a lifelong habit and an effective way to measure how much you're (over)eating, it's hard to keep it at bay!) but for the most part I just tried to focus on putting healthy things in me as much as I could and stopping eating when I was full. It's not that easy though, is it? I don't always stop when I'm full, because some food is delicious! Especially the stuff that's really bad for me! UGH!
I have greatly enjoyed the reprieve from the scale. My pants all still fit (somewhat..) so I know that I don't need to be on the scale having the battle with those 2-3 pounds that likely don't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Plus, does this happen to anyone else, I noticed that when I'd be down a few pounds I'd reward myself with eating.. and when I was up a couple of pounds I'd be sad and comfort myself with eating. Not a particularly effective strategy! I actually have only been weighed ONCE in 6 months (for a former scale addict, this is crazy!) and it was at the doc's office and I gotta say I didn't LOVE the number, but it wasn't the worst thing I've seen (up about 8 lbs from my wedding weight for a reference point to anyone following this silly journey). With my summer of nearly non-stop hiking when I'm out in the field, plus at least 1-2 dog walks per day with Bailey, at least I know I am relatively mobile and therefore can`t pack on 20 lbs without trying REALLY hard! I worry though about how much precious muscle has turned to flab and how my heart and other valuable are functioning without high intensity cardio - wish I could know more about the inner workings of me.. it might be an interesting wake up call!
All that aside, I feel that I'm teetering on some sort of edge here. I've barely been cooking, and that means dinner mostly consists of whatever's in the fridge/garden/pantry which isn't always the best thing. Accidentally planting 24 tomato plants instead of the 6 I'd planned for mean there are so many cherry tomatoes I'd feel guilt NOT to make caprese salad almost every day which has been great. However, the all too tempting bowl of cereal or peanut butter on toast dinner looms.. and with that the all too troublesome "I don't want to eat cereal for dinner.. what can I pick up from x local fast food restaurant?!". So while I'm managing to stay on the edge of this cliff, which I picture shaped as a pair of my jeans which still.. JUST BARELY.. fit... I wanted to take a moment to check myself.. before I wreck myself.. and have an honest chat with myself and the internet about my plan going forward to ensure I can cling to this side of jeans fitting and a healthy life. I have absolutely no idea what is about to come out of my fingertips onto the keyboard!
In an ideal world everyone in my life would stop encouraging me to eat badly because "we're out!" "it's a treat!" "how often do you get dessert anyways?" (often, people, the answer is OFTEN!). I already comfort eat the crap out of life when I'm in the field. When I walk 15km a day in rubber boots or got my shoe stuck in ANOTHER mucky wetland (at least 10x this season), you can bet I'm going to be packing in some ice cream that evening. So my life isn't exactly some healthy beacon during the week, which would allow for gratuitous eating all weekend long. I get the sense this is what most of my peer pressure friends and family do, so news bulletin that the weekends are often my chance to redeem myself!!! If anyone is reading this who hangs out with me regularly, please help me resist the all to great temptation that is junk food. Maybe we can all mind our own foody business and then this pressured group eating will stop. And don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty of it as the next person. If I'm eating badly, you're coming down with me! There`s also the contagious eating that happens without any peer pressure at all. Last night my neighbours put out a giant platter of candy and chips while we watched Bachelor in Paradise in our pjs together. Had they not been all over the chips and candy I probably would have sat back instead of diving in with my face.. but there they were, two people who I consider fit and healthy, eating away.. well if they can eat all the candy, so can I! Such a bad mentality. I've got to be more on point with thinking about what I want to put in my body, what I want to consume and let's be honest, what I should and should not consume and let that be my guiding force - not the actions, and words of the people around me. To the end of guilt/group eating! (because if I say "I'll try".. I probably won't. Must just do.)
Cooking. If I was tech savvy enough to find an emoticon that was sobbing, I would use that. I really like cooking, but I've had absolutely no desire to cook for the past ~4 months. It was like after Italy no food could be that good, so dinner was to be cheese and crackers. Jeff has also fallen off the cooking wagon, hard, onto a bowl of yogurt and a box of protein bars. We are not helping one another. We don't know why, but neither of us feels like cooking AT ALL so we barely do. Anytime we make a nice meal, we rave about how great it is, and how we should do this more often. I don't know what the hindrance is.. my intern Laura told me that she spends about 1 hour per night cooking, consuming and tidying up after dinner. To me, 1 hour is worth it's weight in gold during the busy summer and I can't even imagine doing that.. or finding the energy or motivation to do that. I feel like I'm super bored of all my staple dishes and anything interesting I want to make I don't have all the ingredients for, and I`m probably not going to make it to the store before I`m ravenous for dinner, so gimme the cheese and crackers! I'm hoping that the return to regular life that accompanies the onset of fall will with it spur a desire to cook. Part of the truth is I have always liked baking more than cooking.. but that only yields sugary, floury, fatty results.. delicious ones but not as nutritionally sound as basically anything that I might cook for dinner. At this point I would like to give a shout out to parents who have to work, take care of kids and cook due to needing to put vegetables into your childrens mouths. You're my heroes - don't know how you do it (necessity? don't think I'll be trying that experiment though! ;)) - and would I be able to borrow you for a few weeks to come cook me some wholesome dishes and get me excited about cooking again?
Exercise. To add to my ridiculous list of injuries that forced me to give up running, always a staple part of my cardio program, I injured my Achilles tendon this spring. So put the already buggered left knee, left hip, the upper and lower back in there, and basically all I'm left with is arms and neck, both of which are attached to my upper back which hurts pretty much all the time. Plus, working towards ropy forearms and a toned neck isn't my idea of motivating. ;) I think the answer here is to power through the pain, starting gently and slowly, to build up all the muscles I've been neglecting over the years due to fear of injury and of course put all the emphasis on activities I can do.. which mostly just includes walking and that's only if I stretch out my calves really well so my Achilles don't hurt. On that note, would anyone like to trade bodies with me? No takers!? That's outrageous! I guess I should just be grateful that I can walk, skip, jump and play with my puppy even if I've got creaks and crinks at the ripe old age of 31.
So those seem like three good pillars to work around. Get exercise back in my life (when I'm done being sick.. this weekend I could barely walk up the stairs without keeling over!). Cook a couple of interesting/healthy meals a week when I'm home. Learn that I'm in control of what I put in my mouth, not anyone else, and when I've had enough treats in one week (and I know where that breaking point is) say to myself "let's be nice to our body and not eat that". My stomach, inside and out, will probably thank me!
It was a lovely idea, this "don't care and it will all work out". I definitely like some of the principles behind it, like keeping my scale tucked away in the closet and using my pants as my measuring device. But I think I was a little too naive, and broken, to figure I could throw all the rules out the window and still achieve the level of fitness and health I want. Those things take work, and it's work I've put in before and will be more than happy to put in again.
Now, downstairs to eat caprese salad #178 of the season, followed by some delicious mango I just thawed (Costco frozen precut mango people, that stuff is the sh*t!) and 2 squares of dark chocolate to keep me sane. Tonight if I'm feeling any better (sick days mostly just make you feel frustrated you can`t do all the things you want to do with all your free time!) I may cook us up something using the ever-growing pile of untouched meat in the freezer and surprise Jeff. I'll have to report back to keep me honest about what I served us, and hoping that result will not be "two bowls of raisin bran". Though once again - there is no try is there? I WILL make some dinner tonight and be grateful that I'm able to access healthy ingredients and have a nice kitchen to cook in, and 2 healthy legs to stand on. Hoorah!
Stay tuned...
Monday, 1 September 2014
Summer, Don't Go!!!!
Usually at this time of year I listen to everyone complain about summer ending - back to work, back to school, back to jeans, back to the slow trek towards winter - and I nod along, all the while thinking "I CAN'T WAIT!". I am a hardcore autumn addict. The trees slowly sloughing off their leaves, the smell of the leaves in the air, the colour of the leaves.. wait there's got to be more that I like than leaves... those bluest of blue skies, wearing my riding boots and favourite suede coat again, and the crispness in the air that typically I've missed all summer long. I'm also bidding GOOD RIDDANCE to field season, usually, which has (usually) tortured me with at least 15-20 full days of murderously hot fieldwork where I feel like there is a hot towel over my face I'm being forced to breathe through, where I slurp my camelback to completion well before the day is over (those are thirsty days, lemme tell ya) and where I have to choose all my clothes and undergarments super carefully due to the inevitable chafing that comes from working in field clothes drenched in SWEAT! I have entire groups of clothing set aside to prevent "rubbies" lol. Usually by this point all the skin on my feet has melted off (I'm sure you wanted to know that) from too many days in sweat-filled rubber boots and I've spent one too many days under a blazing hot sun being eaten alive by mosquitoes or roasting under full spray gear in 35C feels like 40C weather. I am having extremely vivid flashbacks and some PSTD-like shaking due to remembering the past couple of years and how ready I was for summer to be done. Plus, summer means a return to a semi-normal office life. This year I'll be inside as early as October 1st with just a small detour to the field otherwise in late Oct.. wow! My earliest break in a few years. :) I love coming inside, coming home, and really getting a chance to get back into fitness, cooking, house projects and most importantly time with Jeff, Bailey, friends and family.
But cold summer has really done a number on me. It's September and I feel like I've totally hit my stride with fieldwork. I was splashing around in Georgian Bay on Friday mapping Phragmites (invasive grass) populations with the biggest smile on my face. I was facing a 3 hour drive home down the 400 on a Friday afternoon and was knee deep in freezing cold water, but it was almost like I didn't WANT to leave! I was having too much FUN! And cold July and cold August were really the greatest allies ever - sooooo lucky to have such coooold weather for such ridiculously grueling work! I couldn't believe the luck I had - every day that was hot and sticky was either spent at home (with a/c), in the office (with a fan) or with fieldwork being cancelled due to thunderstorms. I basically got off scot free, in the summer in which I did more fieldwork than I've ever done before! In addition, I'm such a pro at packing for trips I can do it in under 20 minutes, and I'm such a pro at unpacking that when I'm home I am HOME and Jeff and Bailey may not have even noticed I was gone.
So really - things are going swimmingly in terms of the fieldwork and travel part of my life... so why all of a sudden is it September? Now instead of all things senescing leaves and riding boots all I can see is winter (which in my mind looks like a big angry cloud with a gaping mouth with teeth, breathing cold snow all over me) peering around the corner and I'm thinking: "no! don't!!! I can't DO IT AGAIN!!!". Time has never moved as quickly as it did between last winter and now, probably because this summer was so fab, and I just can't believe it's a month ending with R because at the end of this sequence is DECEMBER, followed by the 2 most depressing months in the world. Don't do it summer!!! Don't end!!!!!!!!!!!
But I've gotta get back to reality here, right? I'll dream of baking apple crisp and pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving... drinking hot apple cider... pumpkin muffins from Starbucks (with that core of sweetened cream cheese? OH MAN are they good!)... anniversary hikes (wedding = 3 years; together = 7 years!).. both our birthdays (so fun to spoil each other)... 2 great concerts coming up (Riotfest and Alt-j). Not to mention coming inside, my last week of killing invasives (4 days to go this week then I get to stop killing things!) and the return to regular life where someone says "are you free for x?" and instead of saying "I have no free time until October" or "sorry, out of town again" I can say "yes! see you there!". Phew.. ok.. breathing again... fall is lovely.
And the truth is, humidity in the 30s this week; 4 straight days of fieldwork after the world's laziest long weekend (I'm sick, in my defense!), 2 major work events, a conference, multiple meetings, working 1 Sunday and at least 5 more days of fieldwork this month means I'm probably going to be REALLY ready to say adios come October 1.... but before I go gettin' all angry at summer, I will revel in some of the things that I love so dearly about it and will miss ever so much over the next 8 months..
- birkenstocks/flip flops/slingbacks. My feet feel so constricted, and sad, all summer long about constantly being shoved inside hot boots and never being able to slip comfortably into open-toed, free-wheelin', floppy footwear
- early morning Bailey walks in a t-shirt and shorts. In the winter, early morning Bailey walks consist of no less than 10 articles of clothing (seriously - hat, scarf, shirt, sweater, jacket, mittens, long johns, snow pants, boots, etc. etc.) and I end up feeling like Ralphie from a Christmas story by the time it's time to leave the house
- sitting on my back deck - the trees, the birds, the sunshine.. it's all freaking good. The backyard is just not somewhere you want to be in the winter - other than filling the bird feeders, we basically abandon it from November - April.. so sad!
- swimming.. water. There is nothing more refreshing and awesome than swimming in nature and this year I got to do it at lots of different places including Sturgeon Lake in Fenelon Falls, the Ottawa River in Quebec, Lake Cecebe, Guelph Lake, and probably some I'm forgetting! Nothing better than diving into that cool, sweet real live water :)
- being a normal temperature instead of a freezing popsicle of a woman every single day and night.. my toes are cold ALL WINTER LONG!!!
Ah, summer. We'll see how I feel in another month, but for right now I wouldn't mind if you stuck around forever!!!
Sorry no pics with this one. Big week of fieldwork coming up, gotta get to bed! :)
But cold summer has really done a number on me. It's September and I feel like I've totally hit my stride with fieldwork. I was splashing around in Georgian Bay on Friday mapping Phragmites (invasive grass) populations with the biggest smile on my face. I was facing a 3 hour drive home down the 400 on a Friday afternoon and was knee deep in freezing cold water, but it was almost like I didn't WANT to leave! I was having too much FUN! And cold July and cold August were really the greatest allies ever - sooooo lucky to have such coooold weather for such ridiculously grueling work! I couldn't believe the luck I had - every day that was hot and sticky was either spent at home (with a/c), in the office (with a fan) or with fieldwork being cancelled due to thunderstorms. I basically got off scot free, in the summer in which I did more fieldwork than I've ever done before! In addition, I'm such a pro at packing for trips I can do it in under 20 minutes, and I'm such a pro at unpacking that when I'm home I am HOME and Jeff and Bailey may not have even noticed I was gone.
So really - things are going swimmingly in terms of the fieldwork and travel part of my life... so why all of a sudden is it September? Now instead of all things senescing leaves and riding boots all I can see is winter (which in my mind looks like a big angry cloud with a gaping mouth with teeth, breathing cold snow all over me) peering around the corner and I'm thinking: "no! don't!!! I can't DO IT AGAIN!!!". Time has never moved as quickly as it did between last winter and now, probably because this summer was so fab, and I just can't believe it's a month ending with R because at the end of this sequence is DECEMBER, followed by the 2 most depressing months in the world. Don't do it summer!!! Don't end!!!!!!!!!!!
But I've gotta get back to reality here, right? I'll dream of baking apple crisp and pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving... drinking hot apple cider... pumpkin muffins from Starbucks (with that core of sweetened cream cheese? OH MAN are they good!)... anniversary hikes (wedding = 3 years; together = 7 years!).. both our birthdays (so fun to spoil each other)... 2 great concerts coming up (Riotfest and Alt-j). Not to mention coming inside, my last week of killing invasives (4 days to go this week then I get to stop killing things!) and the return to regular life where someone says "are you free for x?" and instead of saying "I have no free time until October" or "sorry, out of town again" I can say "yes! see you there!". Phew.. ok.. breathing again... fall is lovely.
And the truth is, humidity in the 30s this week; 4 straight days of fieldwork after the world's laziest long weekend (I'm sick, in my defense!), 2 major work events, a conference, multiple meetings, working 1 Sunday and at least 5 more days of fieldwork this month means I'm probably going to be REALLY ready to say adios come October 1.... but before I go gettin' all angry at summer, I will revel in some of the things that I love so dearly about it and will miss ever so much over the next 8 months..
- birkenstocks/flip flops/slingbacks. My feet feel so constricted, and sad, all summer long about constantly being shoved inside hot boots and never being able to slip comfortably into open-toed, free-wheelin', floppy footwear
- early morning Bailey walks in a t-shirt and shorts. In the winter, early morning Bailey walks consist of no less than 10 articles of clothing (seriously - hat, scarf, shirt, sweater, jacket, mittens, long johns, snow pants, boots, etc. etc.) and I end up feeling like Ralphie from a Christmas story by the time it's time to leave the house
- sitting on my back deck - the trees, the birds, the sunshine.. it's all freaking good. The backyard is just not somewhere you want to be in the winter - other than filling the bird feeders, we basically abandon it from November - April.. so sad!
- swimming.. water. There is nothing more refreshing and awesome than swimming in nature and this year I got to do it at lots of different places including Sturgeon Lake in Fenelon Falls, the Ottawa River in Quebec, Lake Cecebe, Guelph Lake, and probably some I'm forgetting! Nothing better than diving into that cool, sweet real live water :)
- being a normal temperature instead of a freezing popsicle of a woman every single day and night.. my toes are cold ALL WINTER LONG!!!
Ah, summer. We'll see how I feel in another month, but for right now I wouldn't mind if you stuck around forever!!!
Sorry no pics with this one. Big week of fieldwork coming up, gotta get to bed! :)
Thursday, 10 July 2014
So Much For Catastrophe-free July!
Frig it. I'm going to have to embrace the fact that I am someone destined for hijinx and the purpose of my life is to go through these ridiculous moments so I may share them all with you and we can all have some good laughs. Because I have to say.. I laughed out loud at myself SO many times over the past couple of days.. and, shame aside, it felt pretty great. Authentic. Frankly, how it's gotta be. My interns Laura and Mike have a theory that everyone does stupid stuff, just no one talks about it as much as I do. But hiding my mistakes, failures and accidents seems like I'm trying to make myself look like something I'm not - and who I am is someone who is, at the core, honest with very little sense of shame. So here ya go!
I just spent a glorious 2 days in the Minesing Wetlands.
This internationally significant wetland is located just 15 minutes west of Barrie and contains a mixture of wetland types - your typical marshes (those areas that are wet without trees), swamps (those areas that are wet with trees), rivers, open water, and FENS! To keep the nerdiness brief, briefly, fens are nutrient poor groundwater fed wetland systems that contain a suite of typical species including the amazing PITCHER PLANT! Which is exactly what you're thinking - the carnivorous plant that catches and digests insects. So neat! I always knew Minesing had a giant fen right at the heart of it, but to date I've only been lucky enough to explore its rivers, swamps, forests, marshes and fields. It was finally fen time! July is the time for the Eastern Prairie Fringed-orchid to bloom, so seemed like a great time to get out there, figure out the extent of the population of this endangered plant and do some community classification and species inventory along the way. I was pretty stoked.
And we're in this wide open wetland, with scattered, stunted tamarack trees and native Phragmites (which is just so weird to walk among, with the non-native one being SO bad) and game trails criss-crossing the fen in every direction. And you just know that no one has been there in some time.. and likely won't be out there for some time again. It's just you, nature and 3 km between you and everything else. And that's part of the reason why this is where the Eastern Prairie Fringed-orchid grows.
It's a gorgeous orchid, sometimes growing as tall as waist high! What a treat it was to find my first one.. and then 20 more after that. In total we tracked down about 60 of these guys in 2 days. Such a gift!
I just spent a glorious 2 days in the Minesing Wetlands.
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| 2014.. not the Jurassic era as you might expect! Hard to believe places really look this amazing |
We went out with Dave from our partner organization who is a Minesing pro and all around tough and awesome guy. Dave said "it's a bit of a hike in - 1.5-2 hours to the fen". To me, this seemed completely impossible. How could ANYTHING take that long to walk, especially when it was only a few kilometers on a map? I walk Bailey 3 km around my neighbourhood on the regs and we can blast that out in like 30 minutes!
Because it's not WALKING. It's slight forward movement while hoping for the best, through terrain including:
- conifer swamps with a mixture of tall hummocks (humps of ground) and pools of water
- wet grassy fields where sometimes the ground is right there.. and sometimes it is not
- straight up ponds that at any moment can suck your foot down, devouring you up to your thigh
- forests so full of fallen trees that you feel like a tightrope walker, just hoping for the best to get across them
When I'm working in wetlands I like to just give up on having dry feet and wear light comfortable shoes, wool socks (like a wetsuit for your feet) and give 'er. This year I have been trying my Keane-like water shoes that have a thick rubber sole, some tread, a closed toe but open bits along the sides. I figured they'd be less water-logged than my hiking boots and therefore easier to lift when wet (amazing how heavy a water-logged foot can feel after yanking it UP all day long!) And the whole look comes together in a HIGHLY attractive fashionable ensemble:
(I just realized Mike has this photo and I will insert it when I get it.. stay tuned.. it's hot!)
So we started our trek out to the fen. The mosquitoes were epic. If you slowed down even for a second you'd be being bitten by at least 5 with 20 more buzzing around your ears and 50 more looking for a piece of skin to land on. So we kept moving, and quickly! We came to a stream that looked a bit too wide to cross. I said - "I think I can jump that distance" (and typically I'm an alright judge of when I can/can't jump it). Intern Mike looked concerned and said "are you sure? be careful". Scoffing, I leapt across it, lost my footing on the landing, had both legs land in the stream behind me and my face plant onto the shore. Ah, graceful. Then came the deadfall. Mossy logs are great to step on to keep yourself out of deep water (though I was already pretty wet by this point, plunging into knee deep water just doesn't feel great, especially when the bottom is sticky organic muck that likes to steal even a tightly strapped on water shoe!), so I was using them for most of the way through a cedar forest. One log looked a bit smaller than probably what I needed, but I decided if I leapt quickly onto it and then off of it, everything would turn out fine. At this point it was 8:30 a.m. with 6 hours to go in our day. And I lost my footing, fell completely sideways and lay with my entire left side of my body, not to mention the entire left side of my backpack submerged in brown organic water. Mike looked on helplessly behind me while I laid there and said "I'm fine. Oh crap. I'm fine. I'm having trouble.. righting myself... I'm fine. I'm up. I'm wet." My entire pant leg including the ass, the underwear beneath, and most of the arm of my long sleeved shirt were completely soaked through with chocolatey swamp water. Luckily I'd had the foresight to pack my electronics in a dry bag earlier that morning (I just, well, know me...). .... Onward!
2 HOURS OF HIKING LATER we start to see signs that we're getting into a more open habitat.. finally, the fen!
So then it starts to get REALLY good!
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| Pitcher Plant! |
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| Grass-pink! |
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| Swamp Milkweed alive with all sorts of butterflies |
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| "EPFO" as us cool cats call it |
In the fen, I managed to physically, actually lose my shoe. I had the intern from our partner agency Jess first pulling on me to dislodge my leg from the muck that had sucked it down, then feeling blindly through the water for my shoe. We had to yank up on that shoe for REALZ to free it up. This would be the first of about 8 times I lost the shoe over a 2 day span.
I only went down on my hands and knees 2 times (in addition to my sideways nap in the water) on Day 1 which I took as a victory. It was a cool 19C and sunny - essentially perfect weather. The bugs mostly left us alone in the cool breezes and we were free to roam and claim the fen. We were separated from Dave once which was TERRIFYING (you lose someone in a Phragmites patch, you're not getting them back!), but we found him again in no time.
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| Jess among the Phragmites. She's short, but not that short! It's at least 7-8' tall mostly. |
We staggered out of Day 1 (after having to basically scale the Algonquin Bluffs with our hands, and a 40 minute detour west that I'm happy to report was NOT my fault) with remarks about sore calves, tired hips, achy knees, creaky backs.. but we'd made it out, and that was awesome. Success!
After a mid-day nap at my hotel I had too much energy to just hang around all night so decided to take my intern Mike up on his suggestion to watch his band, the Barriers (they're from Barrie.. this is the cheesiest band name ever) play at Donaleigh's which is apparently the place to be in Barrie. I was reluctant to go. A bar... alone? In Barrie? In my "evening attire" that I'd packed of Birkenstocks, ripped jeans, my NCC fleece with the broken off zipper, and my unstyled puffy hair with no makeup? Then I thought.. what the hell do I care what anyone thinks.. you only live once. Plus I'm already married haha. And I trucked off to the bar. Ok so it's super awkward hanging alone at a bar, for anyone who hasn't tried this gem before. Mike waved when I walked in but was, you know, playing guitar (p.s. kudos to his poorly named band, they're great!). And continued to play guitar for an hour while I just kinda hung. A dude sat down next to me and he was also alone, so I had a sinking feeling of what was coming. And there it was - the worst pick up line ever: "what's your story?". I told him my name was Kristyn, I was in town for work and I was watching my intern's band play to pass the time. He told me his name was Mark and he was divorced and that's where the bio ended. Oh boy. He was completely hammered, so I humoured him by talking, told him that no, Mike was my "intern" not my "husband", turned down his offer to buy me another beer (2x) and was very grateful when the band took a break and Mike came over to chat so I could turn the other way! I was outta there by 11 p.m. but really glad I went instead of reading in my hotel all night like a lame-o!
I started Day 2 feeling pretty fresh. I was being VERY conscientious about my belongings, as I've discussed since the demise of our beloved GPS unit. I'm chatting with Dave while putting together my stuff for the day (we call this the "high maintenance 5 minutes" - HM5M) and being VERY organized.. ya me! Mike shows up while I'm packing up my dry bag and have already locked my car - now my HM5M just awaits me putting the dry bag in my backpack and closing the door - and starts to back his car towards me. Not knowing where the HELL he was going and sizing up the fact that I was in his trajectory, I quickly slammed my car door shut and leapt out of the way. The ominous "honk!" that Jetta let out to let me know it was safely locked was my first clue of trouble. I looked inside and sure enough there was my bag! ARGGGGGHHHH!!! Wellllll.... this is why I have CAA. I figure being halfway between Barrie and Angus, someone should be along to help me in 20 minutes. They may have, if my clear instructions of "COUNTY ROAD 90 - near ANGUS!" hadn't come across as "County Rd 9".. in Creemore. Come on guys! I would almost blame myself for being distracted by the GIANT heap of human waste and associated napkins that I suddenly realized was next to all of our cars, but I kept it together pretty well (I did shriek to Dave and Mike when CAA put me on hold and show them the pile.. I mean... the nearest town is literally 1 minute away, this guy couldn't hold it!??!!). Finally, 1.5 hours later (after I'd sent Dave and Mike ahead to do some work along our path in) Jetta's door was pried open, the keys and bag were mine, and we were off!
I full on fell down about 5 times today. I told Dave and Mike it was only three times, but it was at least 5. One time it was two kneecaps on a fallen log. Another it was hands planted in muck in front of me. Another time almost a gentle, church-like kneel for no discernable reason. I lost my shoe at least 3 more times. I did a lot of exaggerated, flailing circling arms as I narrowly clung to logs, hummocks or anything my feet would hold. I started to notice I was repeatedly pulling out the "rail slide" that skaters used to do in high school where you'd "ride the rail" on your board- instead it was me riding a mossy log on my shoes. Later I inspected the soles of these water shoes to find they were largely lined with something soft, like felt. What the FUCK? In what situation do you want felt-soled shoes? No wonder I was all over the map and ass deep in this wetland for 2 days! BLAMING THE SHOES!
I'm kind of sorry to say this, but luckily it wasn't just me. There were times where Mike would just stand, frozen, up to his thighs in water, not sure about his next move. There's something about squirming in muck that gets you deeper in it, so even if you get one foot out, your second foot is now in worse peril. There was the time Dave "pulled a Kristyn" and face-planted forward into the mud/water, soaking his field notes. Another cool thing about fens: they often have "mats" of vegetation overlying the true substrate and today we were bouncing along on a submerged mass of sedges! This was made funnier when Mike's leg broke through the mat and he went up to his thigh, describing the feeling of "kicking" underneath and finding nothing! Crazy!! Dave also took more mosquitoes to the throat than anyone I've ever met.
But above all the craziness, the 8 hours of slogging in and out of the fen over 2 days, the few hours we got to spend poking around the fen, looking at a place that hardly anyone ever gets to see, hearing the silence of being in the middle of NOWHERE.. it was pretty awesome. And the joy of sprinting across a bouncing mat of sedges to scream out "I GOT ONE!!!!" when you find a giant, lacy, endangered orchid... welllllll... let's just say I love my job. I may not be able to walk tomorrow and am already peppered with the blue and yellow of bruises with perma-dirt etched around my toenails...... but I'm still over the moon for what I do.
Cheers to sharing stories of stupidity among ourselves - I hope to hear some of yours soon :D
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